Take These Chances
by kzam
Summary: Zack and Cloud meet at two very different points in their lives. It's only natural they fall in love at two different points as well.
1. Part One

Hey! So, someone requested I cross post this from my Ao3 account. Just a heads up for anyone who didn't read it over there - this fic is endgame Zack/Cloud, but it takes a long time for them to get together and there will be other pairings along the way. The story is about personal growth as much as it is about their eventual relationship.

Also, the story was written in 3 parts rather than true chapters. I broke down each part into 2 'chapters' so it would be a bit easier to read, but they're still pretty long.

* * *

 **Part One**

* * *

 _It's just a get together, precious._

Cloud scowled at his phone, already suspicious. "Just a get together" sounded an awful lot like a going away party of some kind, and quite frankly, he wasn't interested. He'd politely declined Genesis' offer to throw him a graduation party, and he knew his friend too well—Genesis could only tolerate so many _no thank you's_ before he took matters into his own hand and forced the issue.

Somehow he found himself outside of Seventh Heaven anyway, exhaling a long breath into the cool night air—watching as it dissipated around him. Nights like these were his favorite, just cold enough to see his breath, but not harsh enough to remind him of life back home.

It was a shame to spend it inside.

He ignored the _closed_ sign readily displayed on the door, opening it and taking a single step inside. Arms were around him before he could take another, pulling him into a warm hug. The embrace was comfortable, and somewhat expected—but he'd figured it would happen later. Genesis normally got to him first when he actually showed up to things like this. Even in the crowd it was easy to spot the redhead over Tifa's shoulder, perched on a barstool and chatting away with his boyfriend at the bar.

Thankfully she wasn't done with him just yet.

"Cloud!"

"Tifa," he said back, rubbing her back before she pulled away to meet his eyes. "It's been a while."

"Too long," she responded, giving him _the look_ as she raised a playful fist. "What're we gonna do about that?"

He put on an innocent smile. "Uh. Not hit me?"

 _The look_ disintegrated into a fond smile. "I'll let you off the hook this time. But really, no need to be a stranger. I missed you."

"Sorry," he replied lamely, adding a slight shrug to play it off like he didn't feel quite as guilty as he really did. Tifa was amazing—the perfect mix of feistiness and familiarity. The only person in the city he knew was also from his hometown. None of that made it easier to face her though. She'd come to the city and conquered her dreams before he'd even decided what his own dreams _were._ Even now he felt lost, despite the diploma he'd received from Midgar U just a few weeks ago. "I missed you, too."

She already knew—that much was obvious in her eyes. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure," Cloud agreed, perking up a little. A drink was exactly what he needed right now. He could feel Genesis' eyes on him, and knew it wouldn't be long before he was pulled into a frustrating conversation. A little liquid courage never hurt. "The usual?"

Another nod and she was off, quick to fetch a beer from her private stock. She slid it over to him as he approached the bar before moving on to refill a few drinks for some of the other people waiting for another. It went without saying that they'd talk later that night—she'd definitely whack him if he left without catching up at least a little.

"Glad you could make it, dear."

Cloud smiled a bit, taking a seat by Genesis' side. He raised his bottle, nodding in acknowledgment to both Genesis and his boyfriend before taking a sip. Thank Gaia for Tifa stocking Nibel ales just for the two of them. "Did I miss anything?"

"No, we only arrived a few minutes before you," Genesis explained shortly. "I wanted to invite some of your old classmates, but—"

"I reminded him of your request," Sephiroth interjected, a tiny smile on his face when the redhead rolled his eyes.

He had never appreciated Genesis' boyfriend as much as he did in that moment. "Thanks, Seph."

"Are you packed then?" the redhead asked, apparently not eager to fall into the amicable silence that usually ensued when Cloud and Sephiroth were in the same room.

It wasn't an awkward thing. Actually, he really liked Sephiroth's company, silent or otherwise. Sure, the man was dating his ex-boyfriend, but really…it wasn't like he and Genesis had ever been that serious. Their entire relationship had been more of an ill-advised romance than anything, ending amicably when it became clear that it wasn't headed anywhere. And that was ages ago, back when he had still been a freshman in college while Genesis was in his final year.

Somehow they'd stayed in touch over the years, Genesis apparently making it a personal mission to not only remain a close friend, but to look out for him as well—to be something of a mentor to the younger man, keeping him on track every time it felt like he was swerving off the road again. He probably would have dropped out of school by his third year without that support, too uncertain what he was even doing with his life…

 _"At least you'll have a degree when you're done. We can figure out the rest later."_

And now that he _had_ his degree, it felt an awful lot like "later" had arrived. Naturally the redhead was eager to follow through with his offer to help, having settled into a very grown-up lifestyle himself. The man had his dream job, a wonderful boyfriend, a house—and it wasn't just for the show of it. Genuinely, he was happy with where he was in his life. Something Cloud definitely envied. It made him feel so much _younger_ and helpless in comparison.

"I was gonna finish packing tonight," he admitted, shaking the stray thoughts from his head.

"You leave tomorrow!"

"In the afternoon," Cloud replied, like it made a huge difference. "I can't bring much anyway."

"How long is your trip?" Sephiroth inquired, sipping at his own drink.

He shifted on his barstool. "Um. I haven't really decided. A few weeks maybe?"

"You have an open ticket, dear. Take your time—enjoy yourself," Genesis urged, his hand falling to Cloud's knee and giving a friendly squeeze.

"Trying to get rid of me?" It was meant to be a joke, but his tone wasn't quite light enough for it.

"Of course not," the redhead said indignantly. "I only meant that this is potentially a once in a lifetime opportunity. Who knows when you'll have time to travel to your heart's content again?"

"I don't really have gil to do too much," Cloud reminded him. Again. "A month would be pushing it. I should be job hunting, or—"

"When you get back," Genesis interjected firmly. "Don't spend another minute worrying about that. I want you to go and enjoy yourself. If you need anything, all you need to do is call me and I'll take care of it."

He made no effort to hide his eye roll. Yeah, Genesis was loaded—that was no secret. The man came from a pretty wealthy family, and was doing well for himself on top of that. That didn't mean he needed to pour his gil down the drain.

"It's not your responsibility to pay for me to go sightseeing," Cloud told him.

"You only agreed to this idea because I suggested it. That makes it at least partially my responsibility to ensure it goes well," he insisted smoothly, smirking when Cloud had no quick comeback. "And really, all I've done so far is buy you the boat tickets. It was hardly an expense."

"Consider it a graduation present," Sephiroth suggested.

He shook his head. "I'm paying you back."

"Absolutely not! I want you to go and enjoy yourself—don't waste another second thinking about anything other than the places you want to visit while you're gone."

And then it started. Sephiroth was well traveled himself, and ready to suggest a few places Cloud might be interested in seeing. Honestly, it all sounded great, and definitely something he was interested in…but part of the reason he'd let Genesis talk him into this ridiculous idea was because it was time to go and do something on his own.

He found his eyes wandering, not trying to be rude, but in desperate need of an out. Tifa was occupied, only stopping by to replace his drink with a smile. Most of the other people in the bar were strangers, a private party of some kind he assumed from the _closed_ sign that had been on the door. It was something Tifa did from time to time, usually for neighboring businesses who put in the request with her.

AVALANCHE this time, he realized, spotting one of Genesis' oldest friends sitting in a booth. That explained why they'd decided to come here tonight despite not technically being part of the get together.

"I'm gonna go say hi to Angeal," Cloud declared, forcing a smile when Genesis gave him an exasperated look. He'd started adding on to Sephiroth's suggestions, which basically ended with the two boyfriends reminiscing with each other about their own travels. "See you guys in a bit."

They nodded, Genesis quick to add that he better not sneak out without saying goodbye, and then he was rounding the room. No need to cut through the small crowd, not that he was really worried about anyone random wanting to chat.

"Cloud!" Angeal smiled up warmly, gesturing for Cloud to take a seat across from him. There was no one else at his booth, but there were a few drinks and a couple platters of classic drinking food spread over the top.

He snatched a fry as he slid across from Angeal, returning the smile easily. "Hey."

"How are you?"

Angeal was still someone he considered a friend of a friend, but the man was just so damn kind and welcoming every time. Maybe they didn't talk in their free time, but that was something he actually wouldn't mind changing. It'd probably be easier now that he wasn't swamped with school work, he mused.

"I'm good, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. Congratulations, by the time," he tacked on, his smile growing. "Gen mentioned you graduated a couple weeks back. It must be a relief to be done!"

"You could say that," Cloud agreed, taking a long swig of his drink. "Is this some kind of work party for you?"

"Sort of. We have a few new staff members, so Barrett thought it'd be good to take them out. I wouldn't call it a party, but it's nice."

He whipped his head around, looking for the man Angeal mentioned. "Is he here? I didn't see him."

"Left early. His daughter wasn't feeling well," Angeal explained, causing Cloud to frown. Maybe he didn't know Barrett Wallace well, but the few times he'd run into the man had been pretty amusing. And all of them had been here, at Tifa's bar. They always ended up bickering somehow, but it was oddly enjoyable. "Should I let him know _Spiky_ was looking for him?"

"You can let him know he still owes me a job!" Cloud joked, shaking his head at the idea of it.

Angeal chuckled as well. "I'm sure he'd give you one, if you were really interested."

"Nah. I'm headed out of town tomorrow anyway," he said, settling into a more serious tone.

"Gen mentioned that. Are you—"

The words were lost on his mouth, his attention turning to a man approaching their table. Cloud followed Angeal's gaze, eyes going wide at the sight in front of him. A tall man with the clearest blue eyes Cloud had ever seen, looking directly at him. He couldn't meet them for more than a moment, but he couldn't bring himself to look away either.

So he looked up and down instead.

Long legs fit into too-tight black jeans, stirring his imagination in all the right ways. A button up shirt not exactly buttoned up all the way, the top three undone and exposing what looked to be some seriously soft but toned skin. And wild black spikes that could rival his own crazy hair, long and free—practically begging to be tugged in the back…

"Hey," the man said, a knowing smirk on his face as Cloud's eyes snapped back up to his own. He _winked_ at the blond's mortified expression before sliding into the booth right next to him. The mystery man reached over him without regard for personal space to snatch one of the drinks that had been left on the table. "Think this one's mine."

"Yeah, no problem," Cloud mumbled, looking over at Angeal imploringly.

Angeal was just smiling, realization striking him when he noticed Cloud's look. "Oh, right! This is Zack. He's one of the new staff I mentioned. Zack, this is Cloud."

Zack smiled at him, the bright look on his face only seeming to make him _more_ attractive. A firm handshake had his heart racing, leaving him wishing the handsome stranger had sat by Angeal's side instead. How embarrassing…He could obviously tell that he was having some kind of effect on the blond, eyes lit with amusement.

"Nice to meet you. Do you work for AVALANCHE, orrrr?"

"Oh, no," Cloud replied quickly, laughing at the thought. Not that he would have minded working for the non-profit, and he probably had enough connections to get a job like Angeal had implied. It just wasn't on his radar right now. "I just know some of the people here."

"Cool. So what do you do then?" he asked, the brunt of his attention just nearly overwhelming. "Student still?"

"Just graduated," Cloud revealed slowly. "Midgar U."

"Nice! I went there too, but I've been done for a couple years," Zack said brightly. "Let me guess, some kinda art major?"

"Um, no," he said, arching an eyebrow. "Why would _that_ be your guess?"

"Dunno. You've got kinda this persona, ya know?"

"Not really."

"Hm. Architecture?"

"…No," Cloud responded, laughing quietly this time.

Zack frowned. "It wasn't business, was it?"

"No. Why ask like it'd be a bad thing?"

"It's not. That's what I studied, is all. Woulda thought we'd run into each other if we frequented the same profs and all that," he explained quickly. "How about something medical? You'd be a cute nurse, yeah?"

Heat flooded his cheeks. "Um, no. Are you just gonna keep guessing?"

He shrugged. "Unless you just wanna tell me, but where's the fun in that?"

"I guess. You can keep going then."

Zack's smirk returned in a hurry. "History? You look like you'd appreciate something like that."

"I would, but…nope."

"I'm assuming nothing environmental, otherwise you wouldn't laugh at the idea of working with us," Zack said, drawing Cloud's attention back to Angeal. He felt a bit guilty, forgetting the man he'd come over here to speak with. Luckily he just looked amused by the whole exchange, nursing his drink as he listened in. "How about poli sci? Maybe you're into law and all that?"

"Nah."

"Man, you don't give anything away, do you?"

Cloud snorted. "You're the one who wanted to guess. I could just tell you if—"

"No, no, no! I'm like halfway through my guesses. Gimme three more."

He pursed his lips. "Fine."

"I'm thinking something more like drama now. Acting and all that. Maybe that's why I haven't figured it out yet!"

"No," the blond responded, laughing when his new acquaintance outright pouted. Those lips, too…well, they were nothing to laugh at. His eyes flickered back up to Zack's. "Want a hint at least?"

"Yeah, maybe. Unless it's a language? I kinda hear an accent on you."

"I'm not from around here," Cloud replied, a bit surprised. He'd lost his accent years ago. At least he'd thought so. "Definitely didn't major in any language."

"Huh. You'd better gimme that hint then."

"Well. I'm not very good at it."

Zack raised both brows. "That's the hint?" he clarified, chuckling when Cloud nodded. "Um. I dunno, you look like a man of many talents. How about…math?" He couldn't hold back a loud laugh, not even stopping when Zack feigned offense and gave his shoulder a playful whack. "C'mon! No one's good at math! It was a good guess."

"And your last one," Cloud reminded him, tsking as he shook his head. Zack just laughed himself, shrugging helplessly as he awaited the answer. "Communications. I, uh…well, I thought I wanted to do some stuff with journalism for a while. But it's mostly been a huge waste."

"Why's that?"

"It sounded cool at first—writing and reporting on everything. But I'm not great at talking to people I don't know, even if it's just scripted questions. Plus, the more I learned about the media, the less I wanted to do with it."

"I dunno, I think you're pretty good at talking to people you don't know," Zack said easily, his smile making it impossible to feel awkward about the whole thing. "Plus, it's not like that's the only thing you can do, so it's not a waste."

"Yeah. Just have to figure out something I'd actually _want_ to do, I guess."

Zack just nodded, his expression softening. "That's definitely the hard part. I couldn't have made worse decisions when I graduated."

"What do you mean?"

He leaned in close, glancing around a bit before whispering conspiratorially, "My first job was with ShinRa."

Cloud's eyes went wide. Yeah, that definitely wasn't something to say loudly in a room filled with AVALANCHE staff. The non-profit was notoriously critical of ShinRa, the poster company for everything they hated—environmental fuck ups.

"Ang knows already," Zack said quietly. "He's been helping me keep it quiet and kinda mentoring me while I get used to my new position."

"It's probably a good thing you worked there. Something must've pushed you away, and now you get to do something about it."

"Yeah. Not everyone's so cool about it though, so maybe let's keep that between us."

"Of course. It's not like I'll be around anyway," he said, reminding himself just as much.

Zack studied his expression closely. "Why do I feel like you don't mean around any of my co-workers?"

"I mean, like…around Midgar." He frowned a little at his own words. Zack obviously looked a bit surprised, too. "I'm gonna do some traveling. I'm taking a boat out to Costa Del Sol, then making my way around the continent."

" _What?_ That's awesome! What kinda places are gonna go see?"

"Pretty much everything I can fit in," Cloud explained, his excitement returning just by sitting near this man. Zack's enthusiasm was obviously contagious. "I'm thinking to do a few of the usual things—Cosmo Canyon, Gold Saucer, Rocket Town…I really wanna hit the Ancient Forest too, I think it'll be awesome."

"Yeah! Absolutely, you've gotta!"

"Yeah, but I also wanna just do my own thing, if that makes sense. I don't wanna just go and do the things everyone does."

"No, I get that. You should just hit up all the little towns on the way. Maybe rent a bird and just foot it for a while. I bet you'd run into all sorts of awesome places off the beaten path."

"I was thinking about something like that. My friends," he said, gesturing toward the bar where Genesis was now resting his head on Sephiroth's shoulder, "keep telling me about all these great places, but I dunno. Half the point in doing this is to just… _go._ You know?"

"Yeah. I wish I'd done something like that outta school instead of jumping right into work. Now I've got bills—I can't up and go for more than a week at a time."

"That's exactly why I wanna do it while I can. I don't really want to just grab whatever shitty job I can get and then get stuck."

"I hear ya. That's basically what I did—luckily I got out, but _man._ The stuff ShinRa does," Zack said, shaking his head. "I've gotta live with that on my conscience. That's half the reason I signed up with AVALANCHE instead of just finding another big business. Coulda made a ton more gil, but I really wanna do something good with my life."

"I want something like that," Cloud said, nodding along. "Something I care about. Not to say I don't care about the environment, but…I guess I'm still trying to figure it all out when it comes to work and stuff."

"Yeah. Nothing wrong with that—take some time, figure yourself out. Who knows? A few adventures and you might come back with a whole new outlook on life. Something'll catch your eye."

"That's what I'm hoping for," he admitted, a bit awed by the man in front of him.

How did this complete stranger know exactly what he needed to hear? All his life he'd been told he was hard to read—indifferent, even. Yet this man was looking at him with complete understanding, like he thought it was the most logical thing for someone to do in his situation. Even Genesis didn't _really_ understand, and he was the one who'd made the offhand suggestion Cloud do this in the first place. It only became a serious thing when Cloud got caught up in the idea himself but didn't know how to fund the expensive boat rides between the two continents.

Zack continued with a few questions, mentioning his own limited travel experiences. Apparently he was from that continent as well, another country boy—he'd made a quick joke before suggesting Cloud swing down that way just to try food.

And then he just _kept talking,_ so easily captivating all Cloud's attention. They were like old friends, seamlessly catching up after spending some time apart…except everything Zack was saying was new to him, exciting—and so was the way he was eager to respond, even spilling a few details about his own hometown which was absolutely not on his travel agenda.

"Yeah, my mom's going to meet me out in Rocket Town," Cloud explained vaguely, relieved when Zack didn't press him for the reasons. _I don't really like the snow_ was his normal excuse when people asked why he didn't like visiting home, but that lie wasn't one he wanted to tell this time—not if he could avoid it.

"Are you going with anyone?" Zack asked at one point, eyes budding with curiosity.

He just shook his head. "I don't really know anyone who'd want to go, and even if I did…it's something I need to do alone."

Again Zack was nodding like he understood completely. "Yeah. That's the way to do it—get up every day and just roll with it. Do whatever _you_ wanna do, no answering to anyone else. I'm kinda jealous to be honest! I'd be trying to go with you if I didn't just land this job."

Cloud blinked in surprise, a persistent flutter filling his stomach. "You're missing out. I'm gonna make the most of it."

"I really hope you do," Zack replied sincerely. He set his forgotten drink down, pulling his phone from his pocket after a quiet ding. "Oh, shit. I've gotta head out in a few." He scrolled through his messages, a deep frown etched on his face before looking back up to Cloud. "We should meet up before you go! I wanna hear more about your plans, yeah? Maybe we can do lunch or something."

Of course someone too good to be true would ask him out tonight of all nights. Handsome, funny, charismatic…His heart stopped for a moment, and he tried not to look too disappointed. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

The eager look on Zack's face faded, replaced by another frown. "Holy crap…Wow, that's soon. Why don't we exchange numbers? I'd love to hear about what you get up to while you're gone. Maybe you could message me or something, keep me updated?"

 _Yes._ That sounded like a fantastic plan, so Cloud pulled out his own phone without hesitation. Zack promptly snatched it from his hands, punching in what Cloud assumed was his number.

"Alright! Sent myself a text too," Zack said, tacking on a wink as he returned the phone. "I hope you have an awesome trip."

"Yeah, me too."

"Seriously, I wanna hear all about it. And pictures! I may never get to go to some of those places, so I'll have to experience it all with you."

"Yeah, no problem," Cloud assured him.

Zack eyed his phone for another long minute before letting out a short sigh—his first all night. He definitely looked better when he was smiling brightly.

"I better go. My boyfriend gets grumpy when I get home too late. Something about not being able to sleep alone."

 _Boyfriend._ Cloud felt his heart sinking, and was sure it was plastered on his face when Zack gave him a weak smile. A pity smile, maybe? Obviously he saw Cloud checking him out, and he must've noticed how Cloud was hanging on his every word throughout the conversation. It wasn't like Zack had been anything more than friendly though.

"See you around, I guess," Cloud said, a bit dumb and a bit illogical since he was leaving—but it brightened Zack up a bit, the dark haired man giving him a quick hair ruffle before sliding out of the booth.

He walked away with a small wave, not offering a proper goodbye. A moment later his phone lit up though, a message from Zack displayed on the screen. _Don't forget Gongaga!_ As if he could forget such a ridiculous name…It wasn't actually on his must-visit list, but the thought brought the smile back to his face.

"He was cute."

Cloud blinked in surprise as Genesis slid into the seat that Angeal had apparently vacated at some point.

"I guess," he responded after a moment, sipping at his now warm drink.

"You're going to have to give me more than that, dear. It's been ages since I've seen you hit it off so well with someone," Genesis pressed, almost expectant.

"How do you know? You only really see me a couple times a week. I could hit it off with loads of people on campus."

The redhead raised a brow. "Yes, you could, but you've told me on more than one occasion you're not interested in making new friends. You've also made it quite clear you're not interested in a romance of any sort, which makes this all the more curious."

"How's that?"

"You were _enraptured_ by him," the redhead accused. "I saw you blushing from the bar!"

"You were sitting there watching me talk to him?"

"Yes."

Cloud sighed. At least Genesis was honest about his craziness. "You're too nosy for your own good."

"If you'd open up of your own accord, I wouldn't need to be."

"He was really nice," Cloud admitted, crumbling under Genesis' pointed stare. "And yeah. Definitely good looking. But it doesn't matter. I'm leaving tomorrow, and—"

"And he'll be eager to see you when you return! I saw his face—he was equally intrigued by you."

"And he has a boyfriend," the blond finished. Normally he would've felt like it was some kind of victory, correcting one of Genesis' assumptions, but…not this time. "We did exchange numbers though. I think maybe we could be friends at least."

"That'd be nice," the redhead responded, the smile on his face seemingly pleasant—except that Cloud knew him, and knew it was forced. He was disappointed too, clearly. "You'll be meeting plenty of new people on your trip as well."

"Yeah. Tons."

"Were you planning to stay much longer? Sephiroth and I can give you a lift, if you'd like."

"Tifa might kill me if I don't hang out til she catches a break."

"Ah. That explains why she's headed this way then. We'll wait at the bar, yes? Just let us know when you're ready to leave."

"Thanks, Gen. For everything."

Genesis' expression softened. "You're quite welcome, dear."

xxxxx

One month turned into two, and then three into four. It definitely hadn't been a part of Cloud's plan, but he'd left _without_ a plan, so it wasn't entirely shocking. Circling an entire continent took time, and there was just no way to make it to everywhere he had in mind unless he only spent a single day in any one location.

And as Zack had told him, _where's the fun in that?_

A day per location just wouldn't do, so he decided to take his damn time with the trip. When five months turned into six though, he knew it was time to get back to Midgar. His savings had been blown within the first two months, which made the whole experience a bit of a challenge. He'd actually taken a few odd jobs in his travels to keep his gil flowing, mostly deliveries while he was in between locations. There were so many expenses—sometimes he'd do some cleaning or maintenance in exchange for food or an inn room. Every day was its own unique experience.

But he'd done it. He'd succeeded on his own, getting to hit up every location he wanted without falling further into debt with Genesis or anyone else. That alone made it all worthwhile, and Zack's encouraging messages…

Well, those were nice too. Maybe he'd spent a night or two under the stars just to take pictures—it wasn't something easy to find in the big city, after all. A fellow country boy was bound to appreciate something like that. Those were just a few of many they exchanged.

From big name locations, to weird buildings, to unheard of town signs, to odd animals, to strange foods—he sent Zack pictures of everything, only to be encouraged to keep doing so. To be questioned about what he was doing that day, where he was headed next. It always kept him on his toes, _wanting_ to do new and interesting things just to be able to say he did.

Usually Zack would send back a picture of his own—sometimes his desk, sometimes a pizza, sometimes a street. A stark contrast to whatever Cloud sent him, usually accompanied by words to live it up while he was away from the apparent monotony of life in Midgar. Sometimes he'd even call just to get the full story about a picture, making sure to remind Cloud how awesome it was and how lucky he was. The entire trip might've been cut five months short without the constant enthusiasm.

 _Are you here yet?_

Cloud smiled down at his phone before typing out a quick reply, _on the train still._

It felt weird being back in Midgar, two bags on his back and nowhere to call home. He'd been living in an off-campus apartment before his trip, and headed out the day his lease expired. Thankfully Genesis and Sephiroth had been great, offering to let him store what few things he couldn't bring along as well as giving him a place to crash until he was on his feet.

But Zack…Zack was the one meeting him at the train stop.

"Spike!" Barely three steps off the train and he was being pulled into Zack's arms, both of them laughing as his bags hit the concrete. "I'm so glad you're back, man. I was starting to think you were an imaginary friend!"

"You were the one who told me I couldn't come home without stopping in Gongaga. I would've been back two weeks ago otherwise."

"Yeah, but you got to taste my ma's spiced flower prongs, so it was _worth it_ ," Zack insisted, pulling back enough to send Cloud a clear look—eyes gleaming playful, but daring him to disagree.

It was hard to put on a fake indignant look when he was too caught up just _looking_ at his friend for the first time in all these months. Sure, a few of the pictures sent had been selfies, but those were mostly ridiculous and hardly did Zack any justice.

Now wasn't the time to think about that though. The memory of their first meeting flooded his mind, paired with the embarrassment of being caught eyeing Zack up and down...yeah, that wasn't happening again. They were actual friends now, plus he was coming off of six months of independence and newfound confidence. He could play this off, no big deal.

"Eh…it was okay, I guess." His friend's jaw dropped until Cloud started laughing again. "I'm kidding! They were great. Thanks for that, by the way. I was definitely gonna run outta money if your parents hadn't let me crash there."

"Hey, no problem. I know you were kinda strapped for gil at the end, so it's not like I'd send you there and expect you to camp out."

"Again," Cloud added, thinking back fondly to the nights he _did_ camp out just for the hell of it. "I'm gonna miss so much of that. The city's great, but when you're just out there it's so liberating. I still can't believe everything I did."

"I can," Zack responded easily. "Anyone brave enough to up and leave like you did definitely has the chops to make it under the stars for a night or two. And ya know, it's not like we hafta leave the continent to do that. Next time you wanna camp, sign me up—we'll leave the city and make a couple days of it."

Cloud arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah! I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."

"You do realize this is only the second time we've actually met, right?"

"Uh, you do realize we've been talking every day for the last six months, right?" Zack countered, a hand on his hip. He looked amused compared to Cloud's skeptical look. "Doesn't it kinda feel like we're gonna be friends for a long time?"

"Well, yeah. I hope we are."

"Me too," Zack agreed with a smile. "I'm not saying we gotta go right now, but just…whenever, right?"

"As long as your boyfriend doesn't mind you camping with some strange man."

Zack frowned. "You're not a strange man, and he knows we've been talking all this time. Plus, you'll prob'ly meet him soon anyway. He's been dying to see the face behind the pictures."

And it was Cloud's turn to frown. "You've been showing him the pictures I sent you?"

"Uh, well," Zack responded, hand on the back of his neck. "Not all of them. Sometimes he'd wonder why I was smiling at my phone so much, so, ya know. It was easier just to show him."

He nodded his head slowly, a weak smile on his face. It wasn't like he'd sent Zack anything private anyway, even if Zack _had_ been the only one to get most of those pictures. And of course it made no sense for Zack to be vague or secretive about some harmless messages.

Of course he showed his boyfriend. No big deal.

"You okay?" Zack asked, bringing a hand back to Cloud's shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry," he said immediately, snapping out from his daze. "I guess I haven't slept a ton the last few days—I got sick on the boat, and then I was excited about getting back."

"Excited to see me?" the older man pressed with a bright smile.

"Eh. I guess."

Another laugh, and his sour mood was forgotten. "I was pretty excited too. Here, let me grab one of these," Zack offered, snatching one of Cloud's bags. "I wanna bring you to lunch. Or did you want me to bring you to Gen's first?"

"Lunch sounds good," Cloud decided, lifting up his second bag. "Pizza maybe? I haven't had any in six months, and _someone_ kept sending me pictures."

"Don't act innocent! You sent me pictures of my ma's cooking. Pretty sure you win in the teasing department."

"Welllll, she might've sent me with something for you."

"Are they cookies?" Zack guessed, lighting up right away.

"I'm not supposed to tell you until I give you the package," Cloud said firmly, shaking his head. "You'll have to wait till we're done with lunch."

"Fiiine. I guess it'd be better if we started doing things in order anyway."

"What's that mean?"

"Well, you've already spent the night in my bed, and I haven't even brought you to lunch yet," Zack joked, a goofy smirk on his face.

"Right. It better be a good lunch too, otherwise I'm telling everyone about your SOLDIER sheets," Cloud warned, winking when Zack stared down in shock.

"Seriously? Ma still has those on the bed?"

"She said she didn't want to change anything in case you ever decided to go back home."

"Man… _that's_ embarrassing."

"Not really, I'm kinda jealous actually—I would've rocked those sheets growing up. I mean, what's not to like? Superhumans with super powers, fighting off the threat of killer aliens. Everyone loved that show."

"Yeah, everyone except Lux, so maybe let's not mention those sheets when you meet him?"

Cloud laughed softly. "He hasn't seen them himself?"

"Uh, well. I haven't exactly made it back home in a while. School kept me busy, then getting a job…it's been kinda crazy, and Lux is in the same boat. When he has time, he swings out to see his own family."

"Right. Makes sense."

Their walk fell into a strange silence, unlike any that had occurred between them during any of their calls. Whether that was because their daily chats hadn't brought them as close as he'd thought or it was because Zack had brought up his boyfriend _again…_ Well, Cloud wasn't sure. He hoped it wasn't the first one, at least. The second was something he'd just have to get over.

They didn't talk about Zack's boyfriend, Luxiere, very much during any of their chats. His name would come up from time to time, but that was it. Aside from knowing he actually worked for ShinRa still, the man was a bit of a mystery to Cloud. He could only assume Luxiere was wonderful—how else would he land someone like Zack?

"Hey," Zack muttered, giving him a quick nudge. Cloud looked up at him curiously. "You look really nice today."

Cloud blinked up at him, too baffled to blush. "I've barely slept, and I haven't showered in two days. I look and smell like shit."

Zack snorted, throwing his free arm around the blond's shoulders. "Doesn't matter, Spike. It's just really good to see you again."

"You too," Cloud admitted without a second thought. Zack's compliment actually made a bit of sense now, even if he wasn't in total agreement today. Hell, if _Zack_ had bags under his eyes and unkempt hair, he was pretty sure he'd be saying the same thing just because it was so _good_ to actually be seeing him in person after all this time. "You're kinda taller than I remember."

"Well, you're shorter than I remember," he countered with a wink.

"…I was sitting when we met—didn't stand once," Cloud huffed.

"Doesn't mean I didn't see you across the room. I noticed you right when you walked in and Tifa went in for a hug."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure the whole room did—lots of people were waiting on drinks," Zack explained with a chuckle. "Wasn't expecting you to walk over to my table though."

"Ang…He's an old friend of Gen's," Cloud said, sure that Zack knew that much. He'd become pretty good friends with Angeal as far as Cloud knew, which meant he knew Genesis and Sephiroth by default. Genesis really was too nosy for his own good, always making sure to screen his friends' friends. "I went to say hi to _him._ I didn't even see you till you came back."

"Yeah, I went to the bathroom, then one of the guys from the office stopped me to say hey. I kinda blew him off when I saw you there."

Cloud was gawking by that point. " _Why?"_

"Uh, well. Don't take this the wrong way, but you kinda looked down, you know? Stressed or something," Zack started to explain, his smile too kind for it to sound offensive. "I dunno why, but I really wanted to cheer you up. I'm told I'm pretty good at it."

"…Is that what this is?" Cloud asked point blank, coming to a grinding halt. Zack's arm fell back to his side, and he looked a little lost when their eyes met. "That's why you've been messaging me all this time? To be nice?"

"What? No! That's not what I meant," he said quickly, chuckling at the idea of it. "That's why I said don't take it the wrong way. I mean, maybe for the first minute that was what I was thinking, but after that I just liked talking to you."

Cloud nodded, inclined to believe it. No one in their right mind would talk to someone for so long if they didn't actually _want_ to, surely.

"Hey. We're friends, right?" Zack prompted gently. All he could do was muffle a yes before Zack was dropping his bag onto the sidewalk and pulling him firmly to his chest. The man seriously knew a thing or two about good hugs. "And you really do look great. Maybe shorter than I remembered, but you're still taller, you know?"

"Uhh…that doesn't make sense."

"We're gonna hafta spend a lot more time together, Spike. I thought we were on the same page—when I say _you know,_ you're supposed to say _yeah!"_ Zack teased, squeezing him once more before releasing him entirely. Cloud just stared up, rolling his eyes pointedly. "Taller like more confident. Seems like you came back a new person."

"You didn't really know me before I left."

"Yeah, but I'm still right, aren't I?"

Cloud considered it. "Yeah, actually. I didn't really have the massive life epiphany I was hoping for, but I _do_ feel a lot more sure of myself."

"It shows," Zack told him. "And this is a _fun_ day, Spike—no talking about epiphanies and all that. We can figure that out tomorrow."

"You mean figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life?"

"Yep. Not on the agenda today."

"Right. Tomorrow then—no big deal," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Zack just smirked. "Maybe we're on the same page after all."

xxxxx

 _Tomorrow_ had snowballed into the next week already, and Cloud could already feel a pattern beginning. Between catching up with Genesis and Sephiroth, visiting Tifa, and spending time with Zack there really just hadn't been time to buckle down—not to mention the few former classmates he'd run into. It felt like he was eating out every single meal, and then spending every night at the bar.

That didn't leave a lot of time for a job or apartment hunt.

"You're stressing too much," Zack told him with a friendly pat on the back. "You _just_ got back. Give it a couple weeks, yeah?"

"Says the man with a job."

Zack's hands fell to his hips. "You're crashing at Gen's. Last I checked he said you could stay forever if you wanted."

"You checked?" Cloud asked, openly amused.

"Well, maybe I didn't _check,_ but we're kind of tight knit now, you know? I spent a lotta time with him and Seph while you were gone," he reminded the blond. "Between them and Ang, we've got a good group. We'll make sure you're all set till you find something."

Cloud smiled at that. It was nice to hear Zack was getting along so well with two of his closest friends. It was extra motivation for him to spend more time with Angeal, too—they really could be the group Zack was describing. Making friends had never been his _thing_ , but a small group of important people…that sounded appealing.

It was just a matter of balancing everyone on top of his job hunt.

"What're you thinking?" Zack prodded, eyes narrowed in thought as he watched Cloud.

"I'm thinking I don't get how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Find time for everything." He ran a hand through his hair, his stress levels rising again. "You've got a job, a boyfriend, old friends, new friends. It's a lot."

"Nah, not really. You've gotta think, a lot of my old ShinRa buddies aren't so happy with me right now," Zack admitted with a shrug. Cloud just frowned—it was their loss, clearly. How could anyone give up a friendship with someone like this? "I'm kinda learning to put more energy into where it counts."

"What's that mean?"

"Being nice to everyone, but only really putting time into the people who matter," he replied, grinning when Cloud's expression softened. "Including you. I stretched myself thin at ShinRa, and what'd it get me? A buncha people who got pissed at me when I left. Lux is the only one who stuck with me through that."

"They're crazy for holding it against you."

"Yeah, but it is what it is. I learned a good lesson, and I'm a much better judge of character now."

"Oh really?"

"Heck yeah, why else do you think I've been hangin' around you so much?"

Cloud elbowed him from across the center console. "You told me it was for my good looks."

"Well, duh, that too," Zack agreed with a chuckle, elbowing him back. "But we were talking every day without even seeing each other while you were gone. There's a good vibe between us."

"Yeah, I don't really click with people that often," Cloud admitted, sure he'd told Zack as much by now. "It's weird, I just wanna spend all my time with you guys lately. I've never been that way. The last few years it was school first, people second. If I didn't have time to hang out, oh well."

"No wonder you're into it now then—it's the first break you've had since growing up," Zack said, like it was somehow the most sensible thing in the world. "Now c'mon, let's go!"

"Can we at least _talk_ about what kind of job I should get?"

"Nope. You're thinking too much! Let it come to you naturally, otherwise you'll end up somewhere lame like ShinRa and regret it."

"Where are we even going?" Cloud asked, letting himself be lead out to Zack's car—an energy efficient model that he only used when they were going somewhere out of walking or biking distance. The bundles in the back seat caught his eye right away. "…Is that a sword?"

"You're ruining the surprise!"

"Why do you have—"

Zack narrowed his eyes, but whatever annoyed effect he was going for just wasn't there—the twitch at the corner of his mouth was an easy giveaway. "Remember how you got to do all those awesome things, but there was one you missed out on in the Gold Saucer?" he asked, starting the car and pulling out of Genesis' driveway without pause.

"…I ran out of gil before I got enough points for a sword lesson."

It was an oddball thing he'd heard about while he was there, and he hadn't even thought about it since moving onto the next part of his trip.

Apparently there was a man who knew the _ultimate sword technique,_ and he'd give out lessons in exchange for battle points. That was basically a currency system obtained from winning a silly fighting game—a video game, basically, which Cloud was pretty good at. It came down to eating or playing though, and that had been a pretty common sense decision at the time.

"How'd you even remember that?" he asked, eyes blown wide as he stared into Zack's.

"Uh because you didn't even really wanna _go_ to the Gold Saucer, but then you spent a full week there trying to get that lesson once you found out about it," Zack told him with a grin.

He laughed, mostly at himself and the memory of his impulsive travel decisions. "Yeah…If I'd had another couple hundred gil, I definitely woulda gotten it."

Instead he'd gotten some silly souvenirs, including the chocobo bobble head he'd gifted Zack upon his return. Not nearly as cool as a sword lesson, but worth it when he thought about the happiness on his friend's face as he tapped the thing's head and aww'd about how cute it was.

"Well, I dunno about any ultimate techniques here in Midgar, but I know a guy who knows a little of everything. He sent me the address to a place that does cheap lessons—standard stuff, but I thought it'd be fun for us."

"Wow," Cloud breathed, not sure if it even came out.

"I figured we could see how it goes," Zack explained with a shrug. "If we like it, we can look into something more advanced maybe. And if we suck, then we get to laugh at each other. Win-win!"

Cloud was already laughing. "Uh, if you say so. Don't be surprised when I kick your ass though."

"You're a beginner, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm pretty good at things like this."

"I'll bet—handling those Nibel wolves with sticks when you were a kid!"

"Yeah, I was kidding when I told you that," Cloud broke the news to him, putting a hand on his shoulder when he let out a fake gasp. "Sorry."

"I can't believe you lied to me." So dramatic—almost as dramatic as Genesis, except Zack was bad at hiding his amusement. "I think it'll be a pretty even match either way."

Cloud found himself eyeing the bundles in the back seat a bit more curiously. "You've done this before?"

"Nah. I got that stuff for us. They rent out practice gear where we're going, but my buddy said it'd be cheaper in the long run to have our own."

"So you're banking on the fact we're doing this more than once?"

"Yep! I mean, we can't do snow sports or water sports or half the cool stuff you got to do on your trip—but we can do this whenever we want! Even if we don't like this place, I'm sure we can find another."

What in Gaia did he do to deserve such an amazing friend?

He didn't bother asking Zack, sure his friend would eventually grow tired of answer what he deemed to be silly questions. Instead he just gave into his own excitement, genuinely thrilled by what they were doing. Sword lessons…who took sword lessons these days? It was going to be awesome!

"Tifa's been bugging me for years about self-defense," Cloud was saying, much to Zack's amusement. "Don't laugh, she could kick both our asses barehanded!"

"Hey, I believe it. She's a tough lady."

"She trained under this master back in Nibelheim," he explained with reminiscent smile. "I tried too, but it didn't work out so well. I barely made it past the beginner levels."

"So now you've got something to prove, huh?"

"Eh, kinda. Mostly I wanted to do something like this for fun. It's not like I'll be walking around the city with a sword anyway."

"Yeah, but they say just knowing the motions of it all helps a lot if you ever get into a fight or whatever," Zack said, each word more enthusiastic than the last. "Not that we get into fights, but that's not the point!"

"Yeah, it's good for more than that, too. Discipline and all that," Cloud remembered—and who knew? Maybe it'd help him clear his head more. "It's probably a good work out."

Zack was nodding, opening his mouth to say something before he started looking around more carefully. "I think this is it!"

And with that, Cloud nearly got whiplash—Zack turned abruptly into a parking lot, a wide grin on his face.

Cloud looked around, not really recognizing anything in the area—it was just a small, random plaza as far as he could tell. A book store, a tattoo shop, a quick loan center, and something called Masamune, which Cloud could only assume was their destination. The sign was an elegant silver, with fancy black lettering and a long, intricate katana underlining the word.

"It's the name of some legendary sword or something," Zack said, drawing Cloud's attention back.

That was when it really began to sink in.

"I can't believe we're doing this."

"I can! It's gonna be great!"

"Who actually does things like this?"

"Uh, we do, because we're _awesome._ Now c'mon, let's head in. We've only got like ten minutes to get changed before our lesson's supposed to start!"

He didn't have to say it again, Cloud hopping out and helping him carry in one of the two bags that had been lying on his backseat. It wasn't particularly heavy—just an awkward shape.

"What's in here?"

"Just a change of clothes, some safety gear, and a practice sword," Zack replied easily. "For each of us."

"You didn't have to get me—"

"I know," Zack interjected with a wink. "Gen actually stole the clothes for me to pack, so they're yours anyway. The rest you can consider a welcome home present. And a thank you."

"A thank you?"

"Yeah. I've always wanted to do stuff like this, but I never got around to it. You kinda inspired me to just go for it, and I really wouldn't wanna be here with anyone else."

The compliment filled him with warmth as he met Zack's eyes again—so serious for once. As much as it suited him, Cloud preferred when those eyes were lit up with amusement.

"In that case, I'll try to take it easy on you this one time," the blond deadpanned.

His words had an immediate effect, a fun yet competitive gleam taking over Zack's expression as he proclaimed, "Those are fighting words, Spike! You're gonna be _wishing_ I was the one going easy!"

xxxxx

Two months later, and still no massive life epiphany.

Thankfully he'd gotten a job, even if it was one he could've had without four years of school. Tifa was happy for the extra help around Seventh Heaven, and had no problem with it being a temporary position for Cloud. Six months abroad had improved his people skills to the point where he knew how to fake it at least, so the tips weren't bad. He'd made enough to pay Genesis back within the first month, and was ready to move out by the middle of the second.

Angeal was apparently looking to rent out the second room in his apartment, which worked out perfectly since Cloud wasn't ready for a place of his own just yet. It was kind of obvious Angeal didn't really need help with rent or anything, as he'd been living in the same apartment by himself for a couple years, but when he mentioned maybe looking for someone just to cut down on expenses? Cloud was happy to take the bait and be that someone.

As nice as it was living with a happy couple, it definitely felt like he'd hit the point where he was imposing—his income was high enough for him to be paying them rent, which they refused to accept. At least Angeal would let him pay some bills in exchange for doing Cloud such a big favor.

Plus, he really had been meaning to get to know the man a little better. They weren't quite there yet, but it felt like they made more progress by the day. Why he'd been so against making friends in college was beyond him, but it felt like things were headed in a better direction overall since his return.

"You're sure you have no interest in AVALANCHE?" Angeal asked, and not for the first time.

Cloud just chuckled the way he always did at that question. "It's basically the _only_ thing I'm sure about."

"Why though? If that's okay to ask."

"Don't get me wrong, I think you guys do great work. And really, I'm all about doing things the eco-friendly way," Cloud said hastily. "Gen and Seph both offered to give me jobs too, and I really appreciate everyone's support. I just…I need to find my own path. Tifa's cool with helping me out short term, but if I accepted a job from AVALANCHE, I'd feel bad leaving when I found something else."

"That makes sense," Angeal assured him. "You probably make a comparable salary with tips anyway. I've seen you in action at the bar."

Cloud snorted. "Uh, right."

"What? People seem to like you."

"That's one way to put it," Cloud replied with a shrug.

"How would you put it?"

"I'd say I'm better at small talk than I used to be, which is something pretty standard for anyone else. It's not that anyone likes me in particular."

"Zack seems to," Angeal replied, brows furrowed.

"Um. Yeah, he's a good friend."

"We went to the bar a couple times during your trip," Angeal said conversationally. "Now he goes a couple times a week. Only on nights you're working."

"Well, you know Zack. He loves some good small talk."

"Ah. You must be better than standard then."

Cloud held Angeal's gaze evenly. There was a look on it—he obviously was implying exactly what Cloud thought he might be. But there was no judgment. If anything he looked concerned.

"He spoke about you a lot while you were gone," Angeal added carefully. "All good things."

"We're friends."

"Cloud—"

"I know. He has a boyfriend, and that's fine," Cloud said, cringing at the sympathetic shift in Angeal's features. "Seriously, it's no big deal."

"I haven't known him much longer than you, but he's my friend too. He tells me things."

"About me?"

"Well, yes. He always has nice things to say about you. That's not what I meant though. His boyfriend—Luxiere. They've been arguing."

Cloud frowned. Zack definitely hadn't mentioned that, but really, they just didn't talk about Luxiere. It wasn't like they avoided the subject, it was more they got too caught up in other things when they were hanging out together. "Why're you telling me this?"

"I don't know," Angeal admitted, his frown deepening. "It wouldn't be appropriate to pursue him while he's in a relationship."

"I'm not planning to."

"But if he's unhappy…"

"Ang. They've been together for _years._ Since they were sophomores in college! You don't stay with someone that long if you're unhappy."

"People can change as they grow up. Zack in particular is going through a lot of changes still."

"Couples argue. That doesn't _mean_ anything."

"I know. You're right. I just see you two together sometimes and I see how happy you make each other—I _wish_ I had someone like that in my life."

"You wish you were falling for someone who's in love with someone else?"

"So you do feel something for him," Angeal concluded, effectively dodging Cloud's question.

"It's not…I'm not going to do anything about it," Cloud insisted simply. There was no point in trying to outright deny his feelings. "I'm not that kind of person."

"I know. I just wanted to tell you I'd noticed, and that it's okay if you need to talk to someone. I know Genesis probably isn't the easiest to open up to about things like this."

Cloud snorted. "Because we dated?"

"Because he treats it like gossip until he decides it's serious enough to warrant a serious response," Angeal corrected.

"You might have a point there."

"Zack's not your only other friend, is all I meant. I know you have Tifa, and I know you and Sephiroth get along well, but we're living together now. You can talk to me if you need someone to lend an ear."

Maybe it should have felt awkward, but it was actually just really nice. "Thanks. And you know, you can talk to me too. Gen mentioned he thought you were interested in some flower girl?"

Angeal laughed softly. "That's what I mean. He jumps to conclusions and then treats it like gossip."

"I won't," Cloud promised, a tiny smile on his face.

"Thank you," Angeal said, that same smile on his face. "I don't have anything to say just yet, but I'll keep your offer in mind."

"Yeah, I don't either. But you know, I'm about to go meet Luxiere with Zack, so that might change later," he confessed, heart slumping at the thought.

He'd been putting it off since returning from his trip, begging Tifa for extra shifts just to have an excuse at some points. But his friendship with Zack was starting to mean too much to him, and a good friend would at _least_ meet the guy their friend was in a relationship with.

Angeal seemed to sense his discomfort, concern etched onto his face. "Are you doing anything special?"

"I'm going to their place. They're cooking me dinner, I guess."

"Well, the offer stands. I'll be here tonight if you want to talk about it."

"Yeah, cool," he agreed, grabbing his phone from the coffee table when it started vibrating. He eyed it for a moment before looking to Angeal. "Zack's waiting outside. I'll see you later."

"I hope it goes well."

Cloud muttered another thank you, grateful to have someone in his corner going into this. It wouldn't be bad. Worst case scenario, the man who snagged _Zack Fair_ was every bit as amazing as Zack deserved. And really, that wasn't a bad thing. Best case scenario, Luxiere was not only awesome, but he would hit it off with Cloud too.

That'd make things easier. Probably.

Zack was already rounding the car, giving Cloud a quick once over before pulling him for what had become their standard greeting—a warm, consuming hug. "Hey, Spike. Looking good tonight! You didn't hafta dress up for me."

Cloud arched an eyebrow, glancing down at himself to make sure he was wearing what he thought he was. Sure enough, it was the same white t-shirt and jeans he thought, and it was pretty much a variation of what he wore most of his off days. Maybe the jeans were tight in all the best places, and maybe the shirt hung off his small frame just right…but that was just a good fit. Definitely nothing special.

"Who says I dressed up for you? Maybe I just wanna impress your boyfriend."

"Well, it's prob'ly gonna work. No complaining when he can't take his eyes off your ass."

"Uh. I'm going to be sitting," Cloud reminded him, amused. "Unless our plans changed?"

"Hey, maybe we eat standing up at my place."

Cloud slid into the passenger seat, eyes gleaming with amusement as Zack tried to look serious—it wasn't working. "I'd rather sit on the floor than let your boyfriend gawk at my ass all night."

"As long as I get to sit by you," Zack responded, finally cracking a smirk as he started the car.

…It was nearly too much, Zack's constant compliments and off-hand flirts. Obviously his friend was just teasing, and it wasn't like Cloud was the only person Zack treated that way. But really, it was getting harder and harder to act casually about it—to play it off or dish it right back like it was nothing.

But it _was_ nothing, so that was what he had to do. He shrugged with all the indifference he could muster, "Eh, we'll see. I may wanna sit with him."

Zack just snorted, his big smirk not fading as he set right into the next topic. It was always like that with Zack. They'd flirt a bit, Cloud would play along before putting up a sarcastic wall at some point, and then Zack would just transition right into another topic seamlessly—all teasing forgotten.

And he was so _good_ at it, too. How could someone make a story about going to the grocery store to pick up the tomatoes he'd forgotten sound so damn interesting? The way he was waving at least one hand at all times, his other on the wheel, and the way he would laugh at his own story, glancing over at Cloud during all the best parts…which, why were there so many good parts to this story? Grocery stores weren't _that_ interesting.

Zack Fair was really something else.

"What're you smiling at?" his friend asked finally, sparing just one more glance before his eyes were back on the road.

"You're kind of a dork," Cloud replied simply, laughing at the shocked noise he got in response. "I mean that in the best possible way."

"Good, because I pretty much decided it was a compliment," Zack said decisively, grinning as they arrived at Zack's apartment building. He'd been there before on more than one occasion, just not while Luxiere was home. "So hey, before we go in…"

His hand froze before releasing his seatbelt, attention locked on his friend. "Yeah?"

"Lux is kinda…well, just give him a chance. For me."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Cloud countered, cocking an eyebrow. Zack just nodded, looking a bit too uncomfortable. "What's wrong? He's your boyfriend, he can't be that bad."

"First impressions aren't his thing," Zack explained, his word choice slow and careful—very unlike his usual quick, carefree flow. "He's really great once you get to know him."

"And that's what you want?"

"Yeah, of course. Feels like we're hanging out all the time lately, and I want it to stay that way. I mean, I'm gonna hang out with you anyway—it'd just be easier if you were friends with both of us, you know?"

"Yeah. Makes sense. To be honest though, I think you've got it backwards."

"Huh?"

"Uh, first impressions aren't my strong suit either. It's not like he's some dude in a bar and I can just smile and ask how it's going without really caring. This is different. He's important to you, which makes him important to me."

Zack was positively beaming. "Spike, trust me, you make a great first impression. The best!"

He was sure his face was red as he scowled. "We both know that's not true. Or did you forget why you wanted to talk to me in the first place?"

"Did _you_ forget that I couldn't get enough of you after that? Still can't, really. I talk to a lot of people, Spike, but I don't become good friends with just anyone. Trust me, he's the one who I'm worried about here. You're gonna be great."

Cloud bit back his skepticism, just nodding instead. "We should go in."

"Yeah, dinner's probably done by now."

They hopped out of the car together, both lost in their own thoughts as they walked into the building and up the stairs. Zack was a few steps ahead, and Cloud couldn't help noticing how tense his posture was with every step. If he didn't know any better, he'd have thought Zack was actually nervous about all this. But really, he wasn't the one meeting anyone new. He was probably the one who'd take over the conversation if there were awkward pauses, but that was basically the most natural thing for someone as charismatic as Zack.

"Ready?" he asked, hand on the door knob as he peering back at Cloud.

All he could do was force a smile, his own nerves piling up rapidly. "Yeah. Let's go, I'm hungry."

"Pffft. That's what all this is about, huh?" Zack shot back, loosening up as he opened the door. "You just wanted to come for the free food."

"You caught me. I'm not one to turn down free food."

"Must be nice living with Ang then. I swear, every day he comes in with a packed lunch for me."

"He cooks in bulk," Cloud explained with a shrug. "He'll make a ton on the weekend, then portion it out for the week. There's always too much."

"Sounds like you hit the roommate jackpot to me."

Cloud laughed as he agreed, Zack's smirk keeping the mood effortlessly light.

For a moment it made him forget what was happening. It was like he was walking into Zack's place any other time—to hang out, eat, maybe watch a movie…Maybe he'd fall asleep with his head on Zack's shoulder, only to wake up and make one too many apologies while Zack laughed at him and told him it was no big deal. It was practically standard now.

A man stepping into his peripheral caught his attention though, rapidly reminding him that it wasn't that kind of night. And no, his heart _didn't_ sink when Zack walked up to give him a quick kiss. And it didn't ache in his chest when their fingers interlocked. Why would it? They were a couple, that was how they were supposed to act.

He only needed to tell himself that a few times before it sunk in that it really didn't matter if it was painful to witness. Either way he had to deal with it.

"So, this is Cloud," Zack introduced, the man by his side extending his one free hand toward the blond. Cloud shook it politely, an awkward smile on his face as the man gave him a quick once over. "Cloud, this is my boyfriend, Luxiere."

"Nice to meet you," Cloud said automatically, the same words echoed back.

He might've given Luxiere a once over too, but that was mostly just out of surprise. He was no Zack Fair, but he was pretty good looking—almost as tall as Zack, too. That wasn't a shock though. What caught Cloud off guard was the neatly combed hair, the black business slacks, and the tucked in blue button up. If Zack hadn't looked like he'd gotten up and thrown on whatever, Cloud would've been sure he was underdressed for this dinner.

"Hey, why don't you guys sit down and I'll get you some drinks," Zack suggested, a grin on his face as both men nodded agreeably.

He kissed Luxiere on the cheek before headed into the kitchen, leaving Cloud alone with his boyfriend. And yeah. There was no point in denying the tension he felt immediately, their only connection gone from the room.

"So," Luxiere began, taking a seat in one of the comfy recliners in their living room. His legs were crossed, and hands folded on his knee. "You're the one Zack's been raving about."

Cloud blinked in surprise, sitting where he usually sat—in the middle of the couch. "Apparently," he responded, not needing to force a smile this time. Thankfully he knew exactly the right thing to say next. "He talks about you all the time, too. It's nice to finally meet you."

There. That was the polite (albeit not totally true) thing to say. Definitely better than admitting his name barely came up in any of their conversations. He tried not to frown at the thought that maybe Luxiere was just being polite too. Maybe Zack never talked about him either.

Luxiere just gave a hmph in response, indifferent sounding.

"How's work?" Cloud asked, his fall back subject for the evening. Probably bad that he was falling on it already, but hopefully Zack wouldn't leave them alone again. Luxiere working for ShinRa was one of the few facts he knew about the man. "Zack said you got a promotion recently?"

"That's right. I was moved to a new department—we call it our Crisis Core," Luxiere explained with a hint of pride. "We handle bad publicity, spinning it around to keep the company successful. It's one of the company's most important departments."

"I can imagine," Cloud responded without much thought. "They must keep you busy."

The words were out before he could take them back, but he bit his tongue anyway. His _talk about work_ plan was supposed to be filled with easy questions and light compliments. Nowhere in this conversation was he supposed to indicate how _he_ felt about ShinRa.

Luxiere arched a brow, his expression unreadable. "And you work in a bar?"

"Uh. Yeah, actually. My friend's the owner, so she hooked me up with a job."

"Maybe you've been spending too much time with Zack then."

He could feel the color draining from his face. "…What do you mean?"

"Zack's become something of an extremist since he started working for AVALANCHE," he replied with a shrug. "No need for that attitude to rub off on a bartender."

Cloud scoffed. "I can't care about the environment because I work in a bar?"

"Well, you're not exactly in a position where you have access to all the facts, are you? You should do some research before blindly agreeing with Zack."

He was sure he was about to say something he'd regret, but thankfully they were interrupted. Zack was practically rushing back into the room, a grin on his face as he handed Cloud a beer. Then he perched on the arm rest of Luxiere's chair, handing his boyfriend one after stealing a sip.

"Sorry it took so long," he said, glancing between the two. "Ang called from the office."

"Let me guess. He needs you to pull extra hours again," Luxiere grumbled, his arm curling around Zack's waist.

"Yeah, tomorrow though," Zack explained with a shrug.

Angeal…who had been home when Cloud left their apartment. He sent Zack a curious look, but didn't bother asking. Maybe Angeal had gotten called in himself—it wouldn't be the first time.

"They really need to start paying you when you pull overtime," Luxiere said firmly.

"Uh, they _do,"_ Zack countered. "It's kinda the law. I don't work for free."

"And those events on the weekend?"

"That's volunteer work—not mandatory. AVALANCHE doesn't even run most of those."

"No, but it's _highly encouraged,_ isn't it? I bet your boss wouldn't be so happy with you if you didn't go."

"Not true. He doesn't even go half the time."

He was so adamant. Cloud shifted uncomfortably where he sat, not sure what to say or do. This wasn't a side of Zack he was familiar with. Passionate Zack ranting about something he cared about? Sure. That wasn't what this was though. They were bickering, and clearly it wasn't the first time they'd gone through this particular debate. Luxiere was firing back about how at least ShinRa compensates its employees properly, Zack was insisting it wasn't about the money…

"Maybe we should talk about something else?" Cloud offered, jumping in at the first pause between the two.

Guilt washed over Zack's features while Luxiere still seemed indifferent about the whole thing. "Sorry, Spike. You're right. Why don't we eat? Everything's ready."

"Sounds good," he agreed, a bit too eager maybe.

The uneasiness in the room only followed them, even when they were seated and had food in front of them. Zack had been joking about sitting by him, of course, taking the chair at Luxiere's side instead. It made it easier for him to hold Zack's gaze during conversation at least, but he had to sip at his drink and pretend not to notice when one of Zack's hand dropped under the table. On Luxiere's knee maybe, offering a silent apology? Whatever it was, it wiped some of the irritation off the man's face. The rest faded when Luxiere caught one of Zack's bright smiles.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who couldn't resist smiling back when Zack was looking like that.

"So, are you seeing anyone, Cloud?" Luxiere asked, pulling both their attention.

"Oh, uh. No," he answered, hoping he wasn't poking at his pasta too irritably. This wasn't exactly is favorite subject. "No one serious."

"Holding out for someone special?"

His eyes snapped up, wide with worry. "No, definitely not."

"That's a bit odd, isn't it? You're an attractive young man. There must be someone who's caught your eye."

"Lux, if he doesn't wanna talk about it—"

"No, it's fine," Cloud cut in, not needing them to start bickering again. "I don't mind. I'm just focusing on myself right now. Getting on track and all that."

"Coming off a bad break up, then?"

Wow this man was persistent. "No, definitely not. My last boyfriend is one of my best friends now."

"Who's that?" Zack asked curiously.

"Um. Gen, actually," he replied, a bit surprised Zack didn't know that already. Surely it'd come up by now. Judging by the look on his face though, he had no idea. "It was a long time ago. I was a freshman in college."

"That's so weird! I can't picture the two of you together," Zack said, chuckling at the thought.

"It never got that serious. I mean, we were together for most the year, but…"

"But what?" his friend prompted gently.

"But we wanted different things."

His eyes were imploring, silently begging Zack not to ask the next question. It would sound much more dramatic and nonsensical than it actually was, and there was no good way to explain it. Thankfully Zack seemed to understand, giving a quick nod. Luxiere didn't look particularly curious himself, falling back to that unreadable expression he'd worn most the night so far.

It was time to take back control of the conversation. Small talk. He could handle this.

"Did you go to Midgar U, too?" Cloud asked, directing his attention to Luxiere.

"Yes. Didn't Zack tell you? We met there, during our freshmen year. It really doesn't seem that long ago."

"Oh. Cool," he said…or grumbled. It was hard to tell. "Business major?"

"Of course. ShinRa has a selective hiring process."

Cloud tried not to snort, but was mostly unsuccessful. "Guess we won't be co-workers anytime soon."

"No, we won't," Luxiere agreed, looking a bit too smug for someone saying something Cloud could obviously care less about. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to use the rest room."

No one said a word as he left the room, Luxiere only pausing to smile back at Zack. Cloud could see how stiff his friend's shoulders were—he knew he was doing a bad job at making this go smoothly.

"He's great," the blond said, jumping the gun before Zack could ask him to try harder. "I almost wish I'd been a business major, I bet working with him would be loads of fun."

Zack laughed uneasily. "Spike…"

"What? I'm serious. But hey, since I'm not applying to ShinRa anytime soon, I'll just figure out another way to get to know him better."

"Yeah?" Zack asked, arching an eyebrow.

He smiled. "Yeah. Of course."

"I know you're just saying that for me. I'm not oblivious—this isn't going well."

"I'm trying."

"Hey, you're doing great. I just…remember what I said about first impressions. He really is a great guy, and I know you'll like him after a while."

"Remember what _I_ said," Cloud shot back with a shrug. "I have no problem with him."

"He'll warm up to you soon. I think you're just cuter than he was expecting."

"Uh, what?"

"Well, I mighta forgotten to mention it to him. Didn't seem relevant."

"I thought you showed him pictures from my trip."

"Uh, pictures of stuff, not pictures of _you._ Those are just for me," Zack said with a wink.

"Yeah, well, you have plenty of good looking friends. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Eh, I don't either," Zack admitted, hand on the back of his neck. "He'll get over it when he sees how things are with you and me. Just follow my lead, yeah? You guys have tons in common, so I'll keep us on those subjects."

"Um. Yeah, sure."

"And don't think you're off the hook either," he warned, wagging a finger in a way that Cloud just couldn't take seriously. "I wanna hear all about you and Gen. I still can't believe that!"

"There's not much to say."

"I still wanna know."

"I might wanna know how Ang called you from the office when he told me he'd be home all night," Cloud countered, raising both brows.

"I made it up," he confessed, like it was nothing. "I needed an excuse to stay outta the room so you guys could talk alone. I came in when it sounded like it wasn't going well."

"Right. And you made up working extra hours?"

"No, I really am doing that! We just planned that a few days ago. Now it's your turn."

"It's a long story," Cloud said, sending him a look.

"You're the one who said there wasn't much to say."

"There's not, but I'd rather not go into it till we're alone."

"We're alone right now," Zack responded—and it really felt like it, when their eyes met. But alone for a minute until Luxiere came back into the room really wasn't what Cloud meant.

"I'll tell you later," he repeated, heart sinking when Zack's expression fell. He didn't press the subject again, saying it was fine as Luxiere reappeared in the room. It was dirt in the wound when Zack's smile returned at the sight of him after Cloud had knocked it from his face.

"What are you talking about later?" Luxiere asked, taking his seat again.

"His ex," Zack replied, his attention back on his food. "Guess it's not anyone's favorite subject."

"It's not that it's a sore subject," Cloud said insistently. "I'd just rather focus on getting to know you, Luxiere. Isn't that what tonight's all about?"

"I'm supposed to be getting to know you as well," Luxiere answered pointedly.

"Okay. What do you want to know then?" Cloud asked, defeated.

"I'd love to hear more about your ex-boyfriend."

Yeah, maybe he'd walked into that one. He took a deep breath before deciding to just get it over with.

"His name is Genesis. He was a senior when I was a freshmen—a drama major. I was new to the city, and I mostly kept to myself…I was kinda awkward and shy. For whatever reason, he noticed me, and that meant a lot," he explained, refusing to meet Zack's stare. It was a bit late for an apologetic look. "We became friends after I turned him down for a date, and eventually he asked again and I said yeah. And then, I dunno…a few dates later, he was my boyfriend."

"What went wrong?"

The question was a bit too eager for his liking, but there was no point in dodging it. "Gen's a hopeless romantic. He wanted some fairy tale romance, and that's just not who I am."

Luxiere cocked a brow, but it was Zack who asked, "What do you mean?"

"…I'm just not a happily ever after kind of guy," he shrugged. "I don't even know if I believe in things like that."

"Cloud," Zack muttered, choking on the name. "You can't really mean that."

"You don't need to say it like that," Cloud said, shaking his head. "It's not a bad thing, it's just what it is."

"So, what? You don't think we'll stay together?" Luxiere asked, draping an awkward arm along the back of Zacks chair.

And this was why he hated this subject. "I didn't say that."

"You don't believe in happily ever after."

"I don't. That doesn't have anything to do with anyone else's relationships."

"Isn't that a little overdramatic?"

"Lux," Zack grumbled, shooting his boyfriend a look.

"It's fine, he's right. I know how it sounds. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. But hey," he said, glancing between them, "since we're on the subject, why don't we talk about your exes?"

"Uh. Remember that time I said it's not really anyone's favorite subject?" Zack asked lightly, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips when he met the blond's eyes. Cloud gave an amused nod in return. "Yeah, that includes Lux. And before him I was never serious—just a few flings and a lot of experimenting."

"Okay then. Next subject," Cloud decided, pleased that they both seemed just as _done_ with this one as he felt.

"Final Fantasy," Zack said, drawing both their attention immediately. "You're both big fans!"

Cloud stifled a laugh as he nodded in acknowledgment. _This_ was what he and Luxiere had in common? A video game? The man was smiling at least, which was a start. Maybe.


	2. Part One, Cont

**Part One, Continued.**

* * *

Zack caught him by the belt before he could run ahead, yanking him back before propelling himself forward. "Too slow, Spike!"

"You're cheating!" Again. And he always got away with it, too. The damn bastard was too good natured for Cloud to get upset with his antics. By the time Cloud caught up, Zack was already doing a goofy victory dance on Genesis' porch. "Don't know why you're celebrating, it doesn't count!"

"Uh, it counts, and you owe me now."

First to the door was the winner, and the loser had to pay for dinner. Not that night—they had plans once they went inside. But on a random night at a random location, to be decided by the winner. It was hardly a punishment (and knowing Zack, it would just be takeout of some kind), but…

"I want a rematch," he decided, folding his arms across his chest.

Zack did the same, eyes narrow with challenge. "There was no rematch clause in the rules."

"We didn't establish the rules."

"That means I can't be penalized for cheating! There were no rules to break."

"But no rules means I can demand a rematch," Cloud countered, quirking a brow.

Zack hummed thoughtfully. "Double or nothing?"

Before Cloud could answer, the door was opened, Genesis leaning against the frame as he looked between them. "Were you two planning to join us any time soon?"

"Maybe you can help us out, Gen," Zack started, the hint of a smirk on his face. "We'll come in if you decide who the winner is!"

"You just offered double or nothing!"

"That offer timed out," he said with a shrug. "You didn't take it."

Cloud turned his gaze to Genesis, putting on a pouty smile that he knew the redhead was a sucker for—or he used to be anyway, like four years ago. "Gen…he didn't play fair."

"Cloud wins," Genesis declared, clearly as charmed as ever. Zack threw his hands up with a whine before the redhead's focus was solely on him. "Your boyfriend's already here, and it's getting awkward. Let's go inside."

"Pretty sure that smile was cheating, Spike," Zack grumbled, slinging an arm around Cloud as they followed Genesis inside.

"You started it," he shot back, laughing softly when Zack _finally_ muttered a very begrudging _yeah, you're right, sorry._ "We both know I can run circles around you."

"I wouldn't say _circles_ , but yeah, you're faster. That's why I had to use my brain to win."

"Your brute strength, you mean."

"Yeah, but I had to _think_ to use it," Zack said easily, winking when Cloud scoffed. "I don't care what Gen says, I'm calling it a tie."

"I'll agree to that," Cloud conceded with a nod.

"Honestly, you're like children," Genesis muttered, tsking as he lead them into his fancy dining room. The house he shared with Sephiroth was no joke—it looked like everyone was relaxing by the built in bar in the kitchen area. "Cocktails?"

Cloud frowned as Zack stepped ahead, all contact lost between them as he moved in to greet Luxiere. It felt so _weird_ seeing that man here, in a house he had temporarily called home. On a cozy barstool he had once used. Maybe that's what Genesis meant by awkward. It was becoming common knowledge that he wasn't the only one who wasn't really impressed with Luxiere—he was just the one who tried his hardest to get along with the man despite all that.

"Ahem." His eyes snapped back to Genesis, confused by the expectant stare. "Would you like something to drink, dear?"

"Yes, please," he replied, a bit too quickly that time. "Something strong."

Sephiroth took to making him a drink, while Angeal made an offhand comment about how it must be nice being served for once. Normally he may have laughed at the joke, but the best he could manage was a polite smile until his drink was in his hand.

"Yeah, we had a serious argument outside," Zack was saying, a grin on his face as he gestured to Cloud with his glass filled hand. "Spike's a sore loser."

"Is he?" Luxiere responded, raising both brows. "Are you sure you're not just a cheater?"

Zack's mouth opened, but for once nothing came out. Instead he brought his drink to his lips, shaking his head slowly. It almost looked like he was holding something back—something that didn't suit Zack Fair at all.

"He just couldn't handle losing to me during our spar," Cloud chimed in, shaking his head as well, "So he made up some silly race and rigged it to feel better about the whole thing."

" _Rigged it_? I resent that accusation."

"We agreed it was a tie, by the way. How can I be a sore loser when I didn't even lose?"

"Now, now, boys—do we need to separate you before dinner?" Genesis asked, letting out one of his classic, overblown sighs.

"You were sparring?" Sephiroth inquired, leaning back against the bar.

"Yeah, we've been taking some sword fighting lessons," Zack explained—not nearly enthusiastic enough considering what a great time they'd had. "We only just got past the part where we hit dummies."

"I knocked him on his ass today," Cloud boasted after taking a long sip.

" _Once!_ And it was because my footing was bad," Zack reminded him—and okay, he was right. It wasn't like Cloud was massively skilled and had pulled some epic move just yet. They were both _okay_ , but still beginners to say the least. "It was a lot of fun though."

Sephiroth was still sending him a curious look. "Where have you been training?"

"Just a random place Zack found," he answered with a shrug. "It's called Masamune."

"Don't you own that?" Genesis asked, looking at his boyfriend.

"I am an investor," Sephiroth confirmed with a tiny smile. "I trained there myself, as a child."

" _What?_ That's awesome!" Zack exclaimed, his eyes as wide as Cloud's. He knew that was basically what Sephiroth did for a living—invested in various businesses—but he'd thought it was mostly well known places. "How did I not know this about you?"

"It was a long time ago," he replied simply. "The owner ran into some financial difficulties a few years back and reached out for assistance. I had many fond memories there—I couldn't allow it to shut down."

"Just like my theatre," Genesis said fondly.

 _The Goddess Theatre,_ Cloud recalled, where his two friends had first met. That was where Genesis got his first break after graduating, starting as a stage hand before working his way through the ranks, eventually getting to the coveted producer slot.

When Sephiroth bought the place though, Genesis was not impressed. He'd attempted to run the businessman off, wary of his intentions…one of the most amusing stories Cloud had ever heard, actually. It involved a lot of stage makeup and theatre tricks. Genesis did not back down easily, and was not above sabotage.

It wasn't until Sephiroth sat him down and explained he had no interest in assuming creative control over the productions that the feud came to a halt. And the rest was history, really.

"You should see his sword collection," Genesis told them, hand on his boyfriend's arm. "It's quite impressive."

"I lived here!" Cloud said, gawking at the two. "How did I not know you have a sword collection?"

"You were stubborn and only kept to part of the house," the redhead reminded him with a shrug. "It's not our fault you chose not to explore."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to apologize for not being as nosy as you," Cloud retorted, much to everyone's amusement. Everyone except Luxiere and Zack, at least. They were whispering back and forth, and whatever it was about, it had Zack's posture tense again. "Maybe you could show us now?"

"Of course," Sephiroth agreed, setting his glass down. Cloud did the same after finishing his drink in a hurry, openly disappointed when Zack didn't follow them. Whatever interest Zack had in the conversation had been lost apparently, Luxiere holding his full attention now. "What type of sword have you been using?"

"We're still pretty new to it. Zack got us some dulled down practice sabres, but they're only letting us use the wooden ones right now," Cloud explained quietly. "Which I guess is probably for the best."

"I imagine it is a safety concern."

"Yeah, I can see that. We spent a whole month only being allowed to hit the training dummy," he admitted with a chuckle. "But we still had a good time learning the stances and all that. It's nice getting to go through it all together."

"I can do something about your lesson fees, if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. I think we already paid out another month—it was a package deal or something."

"I own thirty percent of the business. It would be no problem to have you reimbursed."

"Isn't the whole point of investing to make money though?" Cloud told him, raising both brows. "Giving out lessons for free won't help anything."

"Masamune was a personal investment, not one I made for profit."

"I'm not really comfortable not paying our instructor."

Sephiroth chuckled. "Everyone will be paid still."

"I'll talk to Zack about it next time we're due to pay," Cloud relented—and it was worth it when Sephiroth smiled. The man was too damn generous sometimes. "Maybe you should come down with us sometime. What was your specialty?"

"Perhaps you can guess," Sephiroth responded, gesturing for Cloud to follow him into his personal office space.

The blond's eyes went wide as he looked around the room, every wall with an intricate rack of swords on display. He was sure he spotted a scimitar, rapier, sabre, broadsword…but he couldn't put a name to everything. Behind the desk there was only one blade on display, easily the most prominent display in the entire room.

"A katana," Cloud realized, smiling up when Sephiroth nodded. "That's awesome."

"I am out of practice, but I did enjoy it for many years. Genesis is fond of the rapier," he said, gesturing to one of the swords Cloud had already identified.

It was wider than the ones he'd seen at Masamune, but definitely a rapier still—he could tell by the elegant handle. This particular one was red as well, which felt appropriate since it was the one Genesis favored.

"Does he know how to use a sword?" Cloud asked curiously.

"No. These are decorative, as far as he's concerned."

"Man, I'd love to use something like this," the blond decided, running his hand along the flat side of a sword he couldn't place. "My instructor said I should consider duel wielding when we get further along."

"You must be fast on your feet then."

"Yeah. Zack's been eyeing something bigger."

"I prefer it when he eyes you."

Cloud froze, eyes still fixated on the sword display he was in front of. "What's that mean?"

"His boyfriend is intolerable—he provoked Angeal before you arrived. Genesis nearly asked him to leave."

Angeal, the calmest man Cloud had ever met...he was admittedly curious about what happened, but what difference would it really make?

"Where are you going with this, Seph?"

"I only wish to let you know we're on your side, Cloud."

"There's no side to be on!" he insisted, putting on his most indignant stare. That was the kind of dramatic declaration he'd expect from Genesis, not Sephiroth.

"Cloud—"

"I know. I appreciate whatever it is you think you're trying to do, but it's not necessary," the blond said, running a hand through his hair. "What'd he do to piss Angeal off?"

"He was discussing his role in developing ShinRa's latest ad campaign."

"The anti-AVALANCHE one?" Cloud asked, cringing at the thought. ShinRa was a propaganda machine, and they took threats to their profits very seriously. Sephiroth looked less than pleased as he nodded. "I can see why that'd annoy Angeal."

"Zack asked Angeal to refrain from discussing work in Luxiere's presence, but it is unclear if Luxiere received the same request."

"He probably did. Zack really wants us all to be friends with him."

"I do not like the effect he has on either of you."

"What do you mean?"

"You and Zack were smiling when you arrived," Sephiroth said, like that was a sufficient explanation.

But it just wasn't. So maybe he wasn't the only one who noticed how tense Zack could get around Luxiere…that didn't mean anything. It probably had more to do with _Luxiere_ being in a sour mood from being around people he didn't know well. People who he had apparently been arguing with before Zack walked in the door.

"It's the things we don't get to see that Zack loves about him," Cloud tried to explain, letting out a ragged sigh. Sometimes it was the things he wished he never saw at all—the private smiles, small touches, stolen glances. "It doesn't matter how we feel about Luxiere, we have to keep trying."

"You are a good friend, Cloud."

"So is Zack. He's worth the effort."

"Of course. I'm sure Genesis and Angeal would agree—we have all grown fond of Zack."

Cloud opened his mouth before realizing he wasn't sure what there was left to say at that point. Thankfully Sephiroth had always been good at interpreting his silence, probably better than interpreting his words—he pulled Cloud in for a rare hug, long arms keeping him safely pressed to his friend's chest.

xxxxx

Staying the night at Zack's place…yeah, that had been a bad idea.

Despite their strong friendship, they were usually out of each other's hair before bed for obvious reasons. Zack had a boyfriend waiting for him, and Cloud didn't really want to be in the next room. But on a Friday night when Luxiere had a work get together…

 _"Don't business people take plus ones to those kinds of events?" Cloud asked, regretting it when Zacks's expression fell._

 _"Yeah, uh. Remember how I told you Lux was the only one who stood by me when I left ShinRa?"_

 _Oh. He should've made that connection himself. "I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry."_

 _"Nah, it's cool. I just wanna hang out tonight anyway—company get togethers at ShinRa were always too uptight for me. Now c'mon, let's do this!"_

They'd ended up doing their usual movies and snacks. Except they both had a couple drinks this time, so Zack couldn't give Cloud a ride back home. He'd planned on calling someone to pick him up, but…

 _"Please stay."_

How could he say no to that? Especially when Zack had been sprawled out on the couch with him. By the time he'd woken up, he was alone on the couch with a blanket draped over his body. His eyes met Luxiere's immediately, and he shot into an upright position.

"Why are you here?" Luxiere asked, arms crossed and eyes narrow.

"I must've fallen asleep while we were hanging out," Cloud explained, mostly apologetic. "I guess Zack felt bad waking me up or something?"

"I saw the beer bottles. It doesn't take a genius to figure you were both drinking, so neither of you could drive. What I want to know is, why are you here?"

"If you know that, then—"

"You're always in my apartment, eating my food, watching my TV—and now you're having sleep overs with my boyfriend?" His voice was surprisingly calm even when he was saying things that Cloud thought were actually kind of reasonable to be upset about. There was no denying how it probably looked from Luxiere's point of view. "Well?"

"I don't know what you want me to say," Cloud admitted, rubbing the sleep from his face. It was way too early for this. "Whatever you think is happening, it's not. He's my friend."

"I know nothing's happening. I know _him_. He's not the type to go behind anyone's back," Luxiere said simply. "Whatever you think you're doing, it's not going to work."

"I'm not trying to do anything."

Luxiere rolled his eyes. "You're not trying to spend more time with my boyfriend than I do?"

"It's not like I'm keeping track of who's spending how much time with him," Cloud responded with a sigh. "I just _like_ spending time with him, so I try to make it happen."

"And you're not purposefully trying to give me the wrong idea?"

"No! If I had it my way, you and me would be friends too."

"That's not going to happen."

"That's on _you_ then. Not me," Cloud told him.

"I'm not going to buddy up with someone who's in love with my boyfriend. Whether you're being honest about your intentions or not, it doesn't matter. I'd be insane to encourage any of this."

"I wouldn't—"

"Maybe you should go."

Cloud arched a brow. _Maybe._ It wasn't a demand, but it sounded like a good idea. "Yeah, okay." He rose to his feet, bending to stretch out a bit and straighten his jeans. For once he was glad he fell asleep in his clothes—it definitely made for a quicker exit. "Mind if I use the bathroom?"

Luxiere frowned, but gave a nod of permission.

He sent a quick text to Angeal after he was done, hoping he'd be awake by now. His older friend didn't like driving when it could be avoided, but he was pretty sure this counted as unavoidable. Zack and Luxiere lived close to ShinRa's main tower, which was across the city from his apartment near AVALANCHE's headquarters.

 _I'll be there in fifteen,_ Angeal sent back almost immediately, bringing a smile to Cloud's face. He really did have amazing friends. At least now he had a plan, so he kept his head held high when he stepped out of the bathroom. Luxiere was nowhere in sight, so he moved straight toward the door.

"You sneakin' out, Spike?"

"Not sneaking," he responded, spinning around on his heel as casually as possible. "I just figured—" His breath caught as Luxiere appeared behind Zack, hands around his boyfriend's waist and face nuzzled into his neck. There was no mistaking the way Zack leaned back into the touch, a content sound coming out after a long yawn. "I've got stuff to do today, so I thought I'd get an early start."

"You don't want any breakfast?"

"Nah, Ang is on his way already. Maybe next time?"

Zack stepped closer, laughing softly as his boyfriend stayed hooked around him. "Ang is coming? I woulda brought you, man."

"I figured you'd be sleeping longer," Cloud explained, sliding on his shoes. "Thanks though. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Tell Ang I said hey!"

"Okay. See ya."

Zack was already laughing again, and it definitely had nothing to do with him—it was all Luxiere, which felt like a hint to get out the door. So he did. The loud joke Zack made about Luxiere not usually being so frisky in the morning? He might've tried to pretend not to hear that.

To his relief, Angeal was pulling into the small parking area as he exited the building, so he hopped into the car before his friend had even parked. A warm smile was his greeting, and they were on their way.

"It was my own fault," Cloud said after a few minutes, feeling Angeal's unspoken question. "I shouldn't have stayed the night."

"But nothing happened?"

"Of course nothing happened," he replied quickly. Angeal visibly relaxed where he sat. "Luxiere was there when I woke up though. I actually felt bad for him."

"Why's that?"

"Because he's not wrong," Cloud admitted with a sigh, recounting the short story about what Luxiere had told him this morning. "I can see how it looks to him even if I'm not doing anything wrong."

"He's not a nice man."

"Ang…"

"He was trying to pick a fight with you, again. He's done the same thing with me, and you can't let it get to you," Angeal said firmly. "He's the one who's refusing to even try. You've put in the effort time and time again to get to know him. If he'd done the same, he'd see that you're not trying to steal Zack away. There would be no issue, and Zack would be a lot happier."

"But—"

"Just because you have feelings for Zack doesn't make Luxiere right about this. Your heart's in the right place—you're only trying to be Zack's friend."

"He might warm up to us still. It's just a weird situation for him."

Angeal scoffed. "You're giving him more credit than he deserves."

Cloud frowned, not used to hearing things like that from Angeal. "Did something happen besides that anti-AVALANCHE ad fight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Normally you're more into giving people the benefit of the doubt. I guess I just don't get why you're not being the same with this."

"…Something else did happen with Luxiere, but I've already discussed it with Zack, and he'd like to keep it between us."

It must've been pretty bad, Cloud realized. Angeal didn't hold a grudge easily—he was a big believer in the idea that people could grow and change. That a little communication and forgiveness went a long way. Hiring Zack and giving him a shot at redemption had been the honorable thing to do, as far as Angeal was concerned. Not everyone at AVALANCHE would have done the same.

So what in Gaia did Luxiere say to put Angeal off so completely?

Whatever it was, if Zack knew, and Zack could accept it…the least he could do was try to keep an open mind for his friend's sake.

xxxxx

Three more months of awkward run ins and forced hang outs lead Cloud to one conclusion. No matter what he did, or what he said, Luxiere was never going to warm up to him. Nothing got _worse_ , but there hadn't even been one moment where it seemed like things might get better.

Avoiding him felt like the logical solution. It was clear he wasn't the only one coming up with reasons to avoid the man entirely—on more than one occasion, Luxiere would call saying he had to 'stay late at the office' when the three of them were supposed to meet for dinner or whatever else Zack had in mind.

The good thing was, Zack wasn't oblivious—he noticed almost immediately, and wasn't heartbreakingly disappointed like Cloud had feared. Not to say he _liked_ it, but at least it wasn't interfering with their friendship.

"I just don't get it," Zack said at one point, tossing his controller down as if he'd been defeated—really, he'd won their silly racing game, and ought to be rubbing it in Cloud's face. "I can hang out with you for hours and hours, and never get bored or run outta things to say."

He set his own controller down tentatively. "What's there to get? We're friends. It's supposed to be easy."

"I can do the same with Lux too," he explained with a sigh. "How is it you guys can't even make it five _minutes_ without it being weird?"

"Um. I don't really get it either," Cloud confessed, tacking on an apologetic shrug. "I tried, you know. I _really_ tried. I think we've just hit the point where it's better not to hang out with you at the same time."

"Yeah, but…you're my best friend, you know? And he's my boyfriend. I want you both around."

"You have us both. I'm not going anywhere." _And he's not either,_ the unspoken truth lingering in the air. It felt wrong to feel so bitter about it, knowing it was actually a good thing in Zack's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You don't hafta apologize, I know you didn't do anything wrong."

"Maybe we just didn't have as much in common as you thought. And that's okay. We're both here for _you,_ not for each other."

"It's just frustrating. I'll go to tell him about my day, right? And if you and me hung out, it's like he doesn't wanna hear it. And with you, I feel just as weird bringing him up. I know you don't like him, you're just too nice to say it."

"Um. It's not that I don't like him. I just…" He frowned when Zack gave him a knowing smirk. "Okay, fine. I don't like him. That doesn't mean I actively _dislike_ him though. Sometimes people just don't click. It doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"So is it better for me to stop trying to get you in the same room then?"

"Um. Maybe not for casual things? I mean, if there's a group or whatever, it's really not a big deal," Cloud decided, smiling a bit when Zack nodded like he understood. "It really only gets weird when it's just the three of us."

That's when he had to watch Zack trying so hard to balance his time. When Luxiere would send Cloud undecipherable stares, and make a simple question sound nothing but condescending— _still working at the bar? Haven't met anyone yet? Oh, you don't have your own place?_

Not to mention the fact that every single time Zack and Cloud were immersed in a conversation, he'd pull Zack's attention back with a touch or a kiss. There was no competing with that, and usually his mood was too sour by then anyway—he wouldn't _want_ to pull Zack's attention back just to be asked what was wrong. At least if there were other people around, he wouldn't spend the whole night dwelling on it.

"I will though. Hang out just the three of us—whatever you want," Cloud added with an encouraging smile. "It's not _that_ big of a deal."

"Nah, I think you're right. That's when it always gets weird, for sure. It's just too bad, 'cause you two are the ones I'm with the most."

"Well…you know, it's cool if you wanna bring him to the bar even if I'm working or whatever," he said, Zack visibly relaxing at his words. "I'll still swing by to say hey. Who knows, maybe he'll like me better when he's drunk."

"Not a bad idea," Zack said, perking right up. "You'll really come over if I bring him?"

"I'll expect a big tip, but yeah," he teased, laughing when Zack gave his side a playful poke. "No tickling or I'll change my mind!"

Zack pouted. "Fine, you win this one time."

"I could get used to that."

"I wouldn't. I'll get you when you least suspect it," Zack warned, grinning like he already had a plan to do just that. But then it was gone from his face, just as abruptly as it had appeared. "I get that you're not ever gonna be best buds, but do you mind if I still talk to you about him?"

"He's your boyfriend. Obviously you can talk about him."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna ruin the mood. There are other people I can talk to."

He swatted Zack's arm lightly, and maybe with a tiny bit of offense. "You can talk to me about _anything."_

"Well, if you're sure…" He paused, giving Cloud a look.

"I'm sure."

"Thing've been kinda weird with him since I left ShinRa," Zack admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I mean, I'm not exactly stoked that he works for them, but I don't make it a point to tell him that, you know? He's a good guy, and we don't hafta see eye to eye on everything."

"What's the problem then?"

"He makes these comments, like how I could always go back. How I'm making less money doing more work. It's like he doesn't _get_ it, you know? That's not the kinda stuff that matters to me. The big paycheck was nice for a while, but it wasn't worth it."

"Did you try telling him that?"

"Once, after he started saying shit like that. He took it the wrong way, like I was looking down on him or something. Which I _wasn't_ , that's why I don't even bring it up now. I just wanna be happy doing what I'm doing, and I want him to be happy with what he's doing, and then just…be happy for each other, you know?"

"Yeah."

"I got these new light bulbs," Zack said, gesturing toward one of the lamps. "They're energy efficient. Learned about 'em at one of the seminars I went to. He spent half an hour telling me how they're a waste of gil."

"Wow…"

"I know. It's not like we're hurting for money—I can afford them myself, even making less than him."

"Yeah, we have them at my place," Cloud said, remembering a similar conversation with Angeal who was a self-proclaimed cheapskate. ShinRa was the only contracted power company in Midgar, which meant they still used mako energy, but that didn't mean they couldn't do _anything._ It sounded like ShinRa's monopoly was on a time limit anyway, from everything he'd been told about AVALANCHE's research into alternative energies. "I don't see why he cares either way. They work just as well."

"It's not that, he just thinks I'm getting extreme."

"Extreme because you got new light bulbs?" Cloud asked, laughing until he realized Zack wasn't going to laugh too. "I mean, you're allowed to have different opinions on things. It's okay."

"I might've started cutting down on meat too," Zack admitted. "It's not like I'm taking up the animal rights cause, I just—"

"I know," he interjected with a tiny smile. "There's a lot of waste in the meat industry. It burns more mako than the entire city wastes each month."

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"Uh, more than half my regulars are AVALANCHE."

"Who'd rather talk about your cute ass than work when they're at the bar."

"You know, no matter how many times you say that, it's still not funny," Cloud told him, refusing to allow a smile to tug at his lips when Zack winked at him. It only took a moment for him to fail.

"Not meant to be funny—it's _true."_

"No, it's not."

"Okay, maybe not _everyone._ But I've had more than one co-worker ask me about my cute blond friend who works at the bar," Zack said, nudging the blond. "I've been brushing them off, but I can hook you up if you want?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"Why not?"

"Zack…"

"Hey. If I can talk to you about anything, you can talk to _me_ about anything. Right?"

"Right," he agreed easily, though he was shaking his head, "but just because I _can_ talk to you doesn't mean I have anything to say."

"Why though? You're the ideal boyfriend," Zack told him, slinging and arm around him and pulling him in. "You're smart, funny, open minded—easily the best looking dude I've ever met, and you don't even _try_ to be. You're the whole package, Spike. This woulda been a whole different conversation if I'd met you like five years ago, seriously."

 _What?_ "Um—"

"No arguing! You're too awesome to keep it all to yourself."

"Zack," he grumbled, burying his flushed face into his friend's shoulder. Gaia, it was hard enough dealing with Zack's casual flirting and affection on a regular basis. This was too much.

Soft lips pressed against the top of his head, Zack holding him close. "What's really holding you back? You said it's been _years_ since you dated."

"I'm still growing up. Still changing. This last year alone, it's like I'm a completely different person now. If I'd been with someone, that wouldn't have happened."

"A relationship doesn't hafta hold you back. You can grow _with_ someone, trust me."

It was a good thing he was still hiding his face because he was sure it'd be obvious what he was thinking—how it sounded like Zack's relationship contradicted his own words. His friend was being nice and supportive, so it wasn't fair to say something that would sound pretty rude in response. Not to mention biased, given they'd just had an entire discussion about how Luxiere wasn't his favorite person.

"What're you thinking?" Zack murmured, hand rubbing Cloud's arm.

"Nothing."

"C'mon. There must be _something._ "

"I'm thinking I need to do a little more soul searching before I really start caring about things like that, and in the meantime, being single really isn't a bad thing."

"I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it's not bad to have someone either."

"…Maybe."

He didn't budge from his position, but it was easy to feel the happiness like it was emanating right off his friend—contagious, and undeniable. If he could've, he would've stayed just like that for the rest of the night…but the sound of Zack's apartment door opening was paired with Zack's grip loosening, and a cue to pull back.

"You two look cozy."

"Just giving Cloud some moral support," Zack supplied, a half grin on his face as he rose to his feet. Cloud didn't bother getting up just yet, or even turning to watch their greeting. He'd seen it often enough, and wasn't sure he had the stomach for it this time. Not after all the weird things Zack had said.

 _This woulda been a whole different conversation if we'd met like five years ago._

What did that even mean? Was he just being nice? Or was it that Zack might have been interested in him if they'd met before things got serious with Luxiere? It was farfetched considering how isolated and shy Cloud had been back then, but…

"Spike?"

His head spun around at the name. "Huh?"

"I asked if you were ready to head out now," Zack responded, hands shoved into his back pockets as he stood by Luxiere's side. "I'll give you a ride."

"Yeah, actually. I've got an early day tomorrow."

"An early day?" Luxiere asked, quirking a brow. "I didn't realize the bar opened early."

"I've got other plans," Cloud responded, glad that Zack was already snatching his keys and moving toward the door. He didn't feel the need to explain himself to Zack's boyfriend this time. "See you around."

Luxiere didn't respond.

xxxxx

Suggesting Zack bring Luxiere to the bar on his work nights had been…well, mostly a joke. A bad joke, as it turned out. Apparently Zack had taken it very seriously, making a point to show up hand and hand with his boyfriend at least twice a week.

Luxiere did not like Cloud any better when he was drunk. He _did_ like Zack better though, making a point to show it.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer," Cloud said, sliding into Genesis and Sephiroth's booth.

Zack wasn't the only one of his friends who frequented Seventh Heaven, and after witnessing Luxiere's most recent public display of affection with Zack…well, it was a good thing it was his short shift.

Sephiroth slid him over a drink almost immediately. "We were expecting you."

"Thanks," he muttered, running a hand through his hair before downing his first sip. "The drink offer wasn't what I meant though."

Genesis quirked a brow, turning to Sephiroth. The silver haired man looked clueless as well, both eyeing Cloud curiously. "We'd be happy to buy you something to eat as well."

"What?" Cloud laughed. "That's not what I meant either."

"Care to enlighten us then?" Genesis asked.

He set his drink down, leaning forward on the table. "I don't know if you're still interested, but…remember when you said you wouldn't mind sleeping with me from time to time?"

"That was quite some time ago."

"Several years," Sephiroth said, glancing at his boyfriend. "I would still be agreeable to the idea."

"As would I, under different circumstances," Genesis responded, looking almost apologetic as he met Cloud's eyes. "You ought to just speak with him. Tell him how you feel."

"This has nothing to do with Zack," Cloud insisted. "I just need a distraction, and I'm not really into hooking up with people I don't know."

"Cloud…this has _everything_ to do with Zack."

"If that is the case, perhaps Genesis is right. It would do nothing to help your situation."

"It's not like that. I'm just looking for some fun, but…I'm not going to argue. If you're not interested, it's fine." He slumped back into his seat, biting back a sigh. It wasn't that he was frustrated with them—he respected their decision. He was just frustrated in general. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Tell him," the redhead repeated, like it was that easy.

"It's not _right._ They're happy together," Cloud grumbled, rolling his eyes when Genesis scoffed. "Even you guys fight sometimes. Just because they have some issues doesn't mean they aren't good together."

"If you think _that_ looks like a happy couple, you clearly aren't looking hard enough."

He pivoted in his seat, regretting it already as he spotted Zack across the room, laughing loudly at whatever Luxiere was whispering in his ear. In one of Genesis' romance stories, this would be the moment when Zack would feel Cloud's eyes on him from across the room. His laughter would taper off as he met Cloud's gaze, and everything around them would stop…

It wasn't supposed to the moment when Zack and Luxiere's lips crashed together for more than just a quick peck. No matter how much the sight made his heart twist in his chest, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Cloud." Even Sephiroth's voice didn't tear his attention away.

"A kiss doesn't mean they're meant to be," Genesis said, slow and insistent. _That_ pulled Cloud's attention back to the table, and warranted the annoyed stare he shot at his friend. "Oh, fine. I'm sorry—they were clearly arguing the last time I looked over. How was I to know they'd make up right as you stole a peak?"

"It's fine. This is how it is—I accepted that a long time ago."

"You look devastated."

"Don't be so dramatic," he scoffed. "It's not the first time I've seen them make out."

"If you are determined not to interfere in his relationship, perhaps you should try moving on," Sephiroth suggested.

Cloud groaned. That was Angeal's favorite suggestion as well. He still agreed it wouldn't be fair for Cloud to put Zack in an uncomfortable situation by admitting to his feelings, but made it a point to suggest finding someone else— _you're only hurting yourself,_ he'd say, _you deserve more than that._

Was it really so hard for his friends to believe he just wasn't interested in dating? It wasn't that he wanted to be hung up on Zack, or that he didn't want to look elsewhere _because_ of Zack—like he was holding out for something that just wasn't going to happen. It was more like he hadn't been interested in that kind of thing from the start.

Something about dating and relationships had just never been particularly appealing to him, for as long as he could remember. Yeah, maybe Zack would have been some kind of exception under different circumstances, but that didn't change anything. If those stray feelings were out of the picture entirely, he was sure he'd still be happily single and not looking.

So why should he start trying to force himself to find someone just to 'move on'? It made no sense.

"You can't call it a bad idea without at least trying," Genesis argued, correctly interpreting the groan as a definite _no._ "If you truly believe he's happy, you need to move on."

"Why is this everyone's favorite subject?"

"Because as flattered as I am that no one's sufficiently sparked your interest since _me_ , I truly get no pleasure from seeing you alone. It's especially difficult now, watching you pine after someone you won't pursue."

"It's not like being single is a punishment. I prefer it this way."

"Did I do something to put you off relationships entirely?" Genesis asked, not hiding his offense.

"No! Don't be ridiculous. We had a great time together."

"What was different about me then?" he countered, arching a brow. "You weren't so fond of dating or relationships back then, if I remember correctly."

"I don't know," Cloud admitted helplessly. "You were persistent. I get asked out sometimes, but not usually by the same person. And then you wanted to be my friend even after I said no. I liked that."

"I do remember that. It wasn't until we'd been friends for some time that you finally accepted."

"Yeah. I guess I just think it's better that way, for me at least." He frowned at his friends. It probably would've been an awkward conversation for some people, but Sephiroth and Genesis were very secure in their relationship—rightfully so. The fact that Genesis and Cloud were together once upon a time had never been an issue for Sephiroth. "If I were gonna be with someone, it'd have to be someone I was already friends with. And even then that obviously doesn't mean it'd work out."

"Well, we just weren't romantically compatible. That hardly means you won't find someone who suits you better. I could see things working well between you and Zack."

"He's not an option. I'm seriously done having this conversation."

Genesis raised his hands defensively. "I won't bring him up again. Tonight at least."

"What do you think of Angeal?" Sephiroth inquired curiously.

"Are you just going to run through a list of my friends to try and—"

"You two have gotten quite close," Genesis interjected, an unspoken question in his voice.

"Ang's been great. I wish I'd gotten to know him a lot sooner."

"I told you that _years_ ago. He has a very soothing personality—just the thing for someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you can be a little high strung, dear. Don't give me that look either, you know I'm right, and you know it's not an insult. You just bottle things up too often."

"I guess. I think he's great, but I'm definitely not interested in anything with him."

"He's been seeing that girl for a while now anyway," Sephiroth added.

"Yeah. I think it's their fifth date tonight," Cloud confirmed with a smile. "She's really nice."

"What about Tifa?" Genesis persisted.

He rolled his eyes. "Now you're really stretching. You know damn well she has a girlfriend."

"Why would we know that? She's lovely, but she's not someone we spend much time with."

"If I agree to go on a date with the next person who asks, will you guys promise to drop this?"

"You've already told us you would prefer to know the person. We would not ask you to do something knowing it would make you uncomfortable."

"Sephiroth's right, of course," Genesis said with a firm nod. "No need to go out with just anyone if that's not your preference. We'll temporarily drop the subject if you go on a date with someone who you may actually grow to care for—a friend of some sort."

Because there were so many people hit fit that criteria…He let out a disgruntled sigh when he couldn't come up with a single name. It wasn't like he had tons of friends, and most of them were involved with someone already.

"Spike!" Cloud's heart jumped at the stupid nickname, head whipping around as he Zack approached him with a toothy grin. Something about the dim bar lighting always made Zack look so stupidly attractive—maybe because this was how he'd first entered Cloud's life. The man had his undivided attention again, the same way he had that first night. "I've been looking all over for you! I didn't know your shift ended already."

He arched an eyebrow, taking a casual look around. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"Bathroom. We were about to head out, but then I finally spotted you," Zack explained with his brightest smile. "Can't go without a hug."

And at that, he was practically dragged out of his seat and into Zack's arms. "You guys have fun tonight?"

"Mm, yeah," Zack murmured, nestling his head into Cloud's hair. "Mighta drank one too many."

They both laughed, the soft rumble of Zack's chest inexplicably soothing. "Isn't it a work night?"

"Ang's making me take tomorrow off, says I work too much. Wanna come over?"

Something about Zack's tone told him he meant _right now_. "Uh, aren't you guys gonna go to bed or something?"

"Lux is, but I wanna hang out still," Zack responded—and okay, he definitely had more than one drink too many judging by the way they were swaying where they stood. "Come with me?"

He had to bite back his instincts, wanting nothing more than to say yes immediately. They'd have fun, as always, but that didn't make it a good idea. "…I'm gonna stay here with Gen and Seph."

"He won't be awake," Zack said, almost a plea as he stared down. Damn that head tilt, and damn those puppy dog eyes…As if he weren't having a hard enough time saying no for once. "I promise, it'll just be you and me. We can watch a movie!"

"Zack—"

"And I still owe you that rematch!"

"Tomorrow," Cloud promised, smiling weakly. No amount of pouting could change his mind this time, not with Genesis and Sephiroth giving him such pointed looks. "I'm sure Luxiere won't want you to stay up just to hang out with me."

Luxiere who was approaching them again, that obnoxious stare fixated uncomfortably on Cloud.

Zack stilled for a moment before conceding a nod. "Call me in the morning?"

"Sure. Have a good night, guys."

Another quick hug from Zack, another hard stare from Luxiere—then they were hand in hand on their way out the door.

xxxxx

Cloud tensed, wearily eyeing the odd, cylindrical present in Zack's arms—or, he assumed it was a present. It was in gift wrap at least. He wasn't totally sure if it was for him until Zack was pressing it into his hands with a broad smile.

"Happy anniversary!"

He quirked a brow. "Um. Anniversary?"

"Don't tell me you forgot!" Zack exclaimed, feigning offense. "I thought our relationship _meant_ something to you, Spike."

"Riiight," Cloud mumbled, rolling his eyes. "What's this really about?"

"I was looking through some of our old messages," his friend explained, a fond look on his face, "and it really has been a year since we met. As of tomorrow, so you still have time to get me a gift too if you want."

"You got me a friendship anniversary gift?" Cloud asked slowly. Zack just nodded with that same happy look on his face, like this was the most normal thing in the world. "Wow. I…thanks. No one's ever…"

Zack knew him too well, sensing just how overwhelmed he was and taking pity. "Open it!"

He chuckled softly, fingers curling into the package in his hands. It was light, and he noticed how every touch produced a crinkling noise…There were only so many soft objects that were cylindrical and crinkled like they were in some kind of plastic. Instead of guessing though, he opened it, his smile growing as his instincts were confirmed.

A sleeping bag. The tight wrapped, durable variety that would fit into the clasps of the specialty backpack he'd used during his trip. Apparently Zack remembered that story about how his had gotten torn…This one was light blue, unlike his old black one.

"So what do you say?" Zack asked, his grin unwavering. "I was thinking we could get outta town—take that camping trip we talked about."

"Just you and me?"

"Well duh. It's our friendship weekend."

"Yeah, but Luxiere—"

"Already knows," Zack reassured him. "He's not a country boy like us, so he doesn't really get it, but…yeah. It's cool. We're gonna have a blast."

Cloud's smile grew. "I'll need to talk to Tifa. I normally work weekends."

"Already took care of that! She said she'd swap some of your shifts around."

"When do we leave?"

"Uh, as soon as your bag's packed! I figured we could walk down to the train station, take it to the edge of the city, then just rent a bird and go," Zack explain eagerly. "Then we can swing back whenever we feel like it on Sunday."

"Do you have a bag too?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Nah, I thought we'd share that sleeping bag and I'd just borrow some clothes or go naked maybe."

"Uh—"

"I'm kidding! Mine's in the hall, I didn't wanna bring it in and ruin the surprise," Zack said, moving back toward the apartment door just to open it and snatch a full looking backpack from the floor. "I think I've got mosta what we need, so if you just wanna grab some clothes or whatever, we should be all set."

"Okay, yeah," he responded, already on his way into his bedroom.

He left the door open as he fetched his backpack from his closet, swapping out his old sleeping back for the new one. Then he began stuffing in enough clothes for the next few days, not really putting much thought into it. It wasn't like he needed anything special. He became acutely aware of Zack leaning against the door frame, watching him curiously.

"Think we'll be near water?" Cloud asked, eyeing a few of the supplies he'd emptied from the bag already.

"I'm sure we can find some. There are tons of little streams and ponds and shit outside the city."

"You've got something to boil it in?"

"Uh. No, actually. Didn't think much about that."

Cloud grabbed his small pot, working it back into one of the compartments. "What about food?"

"Just some dried stuff. I figured we could find stuff to eat like real country boys, you know?"

"Yeah, definitely," he agreed easily, looking over everything one more time. "Are we doing a tent?"

"Nah, the weather should be clear. I kinda wanna sleep under the stars, like you did on your trip. Maybe you can tell me more about those Nibel legends, yeah?"

"Yeah," he muttered, sure his face had grown red. Nibelheim had plenty of tales about the stars, and all the stories behind the various constellations. Maybe he'd told Zack one or two of those stories during his trip, but he hadn't expected his friend to really _remember._ Unless it was another thing that came back up in their old messages. "Zack…"

"Yeah?"

"Why were you looking back through a year's worth of messages?"

"Uh, well," Zack said, hand on the back of his neck. "It's not like I went back and read every single one. There was this one picture you sent when you were in the Ancient Forest, remember?"

"Um. Kinda? I sent a few."

"The one where that weird bird landed on your shoulder? With the crazy head feathers that kinda looked like my hair?"

He laughed softly—it had been a weird bird. "Okay, yeah. I remember."

"I went back through the messages to find it 'cause one of the guys at work didn't believe me…but then I kinda ended up reminiscing a bit and noticed the date on that first message," he admitted quietly. "We talked about some crazy shit while you were gone."

"We still do."

Zack smiled broadly. "Yeah, we do. Just with less pictures."

"And less birds," he teased. "Guess that's the drawback of living in the city."

"Exactly why we've gotta get outta here! Now c'mon, are you ready yet?"

"Uh, yeah, I think," he decided with a nod. "Let me just grab a couple things in the bathroom."

Because as much as he liked roughing it, he didn't plan on smelling terrible all weekend.

Zack didn't argue as Cloud went to pack a few last things, instead headed toward the kitchen. He was filling up a couple canteens with water when Cloud reemerged, content with everything he'd packed. Even if he forgot something, he was confident they'd manage just fine. He watched Zack patiently, ready to go when he was…and maybe his eyes roamed. Zack was wearing _the jeans_ though. The tight black ones he'd donned the night they met. Not necessarily appropriate for a camping trip, but surely intentional nonetheless.

And of course, Zack caught him staring. "Just like the night we met, huh?" he teased, tacking on the same knowing smirk.

Heat flooded his cheeks, but not to the point where he was too flustered to retort, "Don't act like you never check me out."

"I'm not denying it," Zack shrugged, "You've got a nice ass."

"I've got a lot more than a nice ass," he countered, maintaining as much confidence as possible as Zack looked him up and down and nodded—as casual as always.

"Yeah, you do."

It was going to be a long weekend, he realized, gripping the strap of his backpack tightly.

xxxxx

"You went on a romantic getaway with Zack Fair."

Cloud groaned, because _really?_ He'd come to expect this from certain people, and Tifa was not one of them. "It was camping."

"You shared a sleeping bag."

He opened his mouth, not entirely sure how she even knew that. But then again, this was Tifa—she worked in a bar that was almost always filled with AVALANCHE staff. Had Zack really mentioned that detail to someone he worked with though?

"That was one night, and only after he dropped his in a stream," Cloud clarified. "Mine was new, and there was plenty of room."

"You _stargazed,"_ she said, hands on her hips.

"Since when does that mean anything? You and I used to do the same thing, and you're not even into men," Cloud reminded her, hands on _his_ hips because two could play this game. "I was telling him Nibel legends. There was nothing romantic about it."

"I don't know, Cloud. Some of those old stories _are_ romantic."

"Were they romantic when you told me?" he asked, shaking his head before she could answer. "We're friends, and we went camping. End of story."

Tifa frowned at him for a long moment. "Okay, fine. Just let me know if you need any more time off for an _actual_ romantic getaway."

He rolled his eyes, but didn't press his luck. She was great—most days, she knew when to push and when to stop. In his case, she wasn't sure, so she was giving him the opportunity to decide for himself. If he opened his mouth again, he'd be asking for more instead of allowing the topic to come to a close.

There truth was, he had a lot left to say. He just didn't want to say it. The whole thing was confusing.

From the spontaneity, to the scenery—it _had_ felt a bit romantic at times. Even the mood in the air. By the time they'd reached the edge of the city, it was like a weight fell off both of them. He was at complete ease with himself and his surroundings, and so was Zack.

Zack, who stayed on his heel the whole time, soaking in all the random tidbits of information Cloud had to offer about various things. They each had experience with the outdoors, but drastically different experiences. Zack was from a far warmer climate, and so he had just as much to show Cloud every step of the way.

"How'd you hear about it anyway?" he asked, glancing up tentatively.

"Angeal's here," Tifa answered, pointing to the far corner of the room. "I think he's with the other two."

"Gen and Seph?"

"Yeah. I don't see them anymore, but they were definitely around. I assumed Zack told them about it."

Of course. That made a lot more sense than Zack telling a random co-worker, not that there was anything special to say. They'd had a great time, and sure, maybe they cuddled a bit—but it was strictly platonic, the same way it was when they dozed off on the couch after several long rounds of gaming.

Tifa was reading too much into it, and so was he. He really needed to stop.

"Hey, Cloud," another voice cut in, startling him. He turned with a smile, recognizing the person who'd slid onto the stool beside him. Jess. A regular customer, and another AVALANCHE employee. "How's it going?"

"Good," he responded politely. "Can I get you anything?"

"Aren't you on break?" Jess asked, frowning when he nodded. That didn't mean he wouldn't help someone who came right up to him. "I just came over to say hi."

Cloud wasn't sure what to make of that, so he just smiled again. "Oh, okay. Hey."

"Hey," she repeated, laughing softly. "Did you have a nice weekend? I heard you left town."

"Yeah, I went camping," he told her, unaware of the happy look that had taken over his own features. "It was a lot of fun."

"I'd love to hear more about it," Jess said, fingers curled around the drink Tifa had slid her at some point. "Do you want to maybe go out sometime?"

It took him a moment to really process the question, too dumbstruck to even believe it. "Did Angeal put you up to this?" he wondered, glancing around the bar. Sure enough, Genesis and Sephiroth _were_ present, returned to their seats across from Angeal. Not a single one of them was looking in his direction though.

"Angeal?" she asked, laughing a bit. "No, no one put me up to this. You're just always so nice, I thought maybe…" She shrugged. "Or not. It's up to you, no big deal."

His stomach turned uneasily the way it always did when someone asked him out, and he had all his usual _no thank you's_ on the tip of his tongue. None of that came out though. Instead he said, "You know what? Sure. I'd like that."

Where had that answer come from? Sure, he knew her better than most of the usual people who tried asking him out, but really? Just because she was a lovely girl didn't mean he knew her well enough to feel comfortable with a _date._ There were more than a few good reasons he hadn't bothered to date in quite some time, and it felt wrong saying yes when those reasons were still valid.

He cursed all his friends, knowing they were the ones who planted the idea in his head. All those talks about moving on. This was what he'd agreed to. A date with someone who was something of a friend.

"Great!" she exclaimed, beaming at him. And, yeah. Definitely too late to change his mind. "Why don't we exchange numbers? I know you're working tonight, but we can figure something out for another day."

"Yeah, sounds good," Cloud agreed, punching his number into her contact list after she slid him her phone.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She really was nice, and _one_ date couldn't hurt. It might even give him the clarity he needed. He was in way over his head, and had been since the day he met Zack. A good date could be the kick he needed to get over all his reservations about really being with someone.

It just sucked that his date wouldn't be with the one person he actually wanted. Even more so when that person kept walking into his place of work hand in hand with his boyfriend, pleasantly unaware of the inner turmoil he was causing Cloud.

As always, the sight of those two together was his cue. "I better get back to work."

xxxxx

Dates weren't promises.

Those were the words Cloud was repeating in his head, straight from _Sephiroth_ of all people. It felt somewhat dishonest, going out with someone just to appease someone else—a concern he'd vocalized to his friends. Apparently it was a thing though. Not everyone went out with high expectations or a flutter in their stomach. Sometimes people went out just to give it a try, and those feelings came later.

So he didn't feel _as_ bad as he sat across from Jess. She seemed happy to be out with him, though not overly enthusiastic, which was good. The timing of their date couldn't have been better, and she was cool with Cloud's warning that he wasn't looking to get involved with anyone seriously at the moment.

 _Strictly casual,_ they'd agreed.

Their first was exactly that, just grabbing some pizza down the road from the bar since it was walking distance to both of their apartments. It wasn't nearly as stressful as he'd expected—at least not right away. Usually he went there with Zack, so the environment itself was familiar. There were several things they had in common, mostly people…Zack, Angeal, the bar. All things he could handle talking about with relative ease.

A minor slip of the tongue had him on edge though.

"You're not staying at Seventh Heaven?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"Well, it was never meant to be a long term thing," Cloud admitted, taking a moment to focus on his food. He'd barely talked this over with Tifa that afternoon— _Zack_ didn't even know yet. It wasn't a big secret, but it felt weird telling Jess before any of his close friends. "I'm gonna finish out the month to make sure my replacement gets trained and all that."

"Tifa must be so sad to see you go!"

"She's kind of sad, but mostly excited. She only hired me as a favor, and I already stayed longer than we'd planned," he explained carefully.

"Yeah, but you're an AVALANCHE favorite now, and that's half your customer base."

"I definitely did better than either of us expected."

"You didn't expect to be so popular there?" Jess asked, raising both brows.

"It's not really my thing, dealing with strangers. I mostly faked it for the first month," he replied with a shrug. "It got better though. My comfort zone grew, plus having regulars like you made it a lot easier."

Jess smiled fondly. "Yeah, we definitely love having you around."

"I wouldn't take back a single day there," he added, genuinely meaning it. "It's just time for me to move on, that's all."

"Do you have another job already?"

Cloud shook his head slowly. "I've got a few interviews this week, so hopefully soon. Tifa's still looking for my replacement, so it's not a complete rush yet."

"Interviews? Anything exciting?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so at least," he responded tentatively.

They were falling into one of the patterns he disliked about dating in general. Instead of really _talking_ and playing off each other, it was becoming something of an interview in itself—the kind that he'd rather not get into with someone he didn't know well.

Somewhere inside he knew she was just curious, but he couldn't help feeling like he was under pressure. Like there was a right and a wrong answer here, and _I don't really want to talk about it_ was the wrong one.

If she noticed his discomfort, she definitely wasn't showing it. "Are you gonna tell me?" Jess teased.

"I don't wanna jinx anything, but I'll definitely let you know how it turns out."

"I'll hold you to that," she said with a wink, bringing a halfhearted smile back to his face. "Is AVALANCHE on your list at least? I can think of at least six crews who'd love to have you. Mine included."

"I filled out an application, but I haven't decided if I should submit it or not yet. I've been hitting up some of the seminars and rallies with Zack though. It's really been eye opening."

"Just to learn, or as a volunteer?"

"Both. We usually end up manning a booth—hanging out pamphlets or selling the fundraising items. It's a lot of fun."

"It must be with Zack there. He's really something else."

"Yeah, he's awesome," Cloud agreed wholeheartedly.

"How'd you two even meet?"

Finally another easy question. "We met the night before my trip," he answered, smiling as he recalled that encounter. The next thing he knew, he was telling Jess all about how they'd kept in touch throughout his travels, talking and messaging on a daily basis.

After another gentle prod he kept going, happy to explain how Zack had gone from being a handsome stranger to the best friend imaginable. There really was a lot to say, too. It wasn't until he noticed her amused smirk that he knew he'd started rambling. At least she didn't look bored.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do, he's my best friend," Cloud said easily.

"Yeah, but he's different. Special."

"You could say that."

"He's why you're not looking for anything serious," Jess specified, not a hint of judgment in her tone. She actually looked… _happy,_ unless she was a great actress _._ "I can see the way you light up when you talk about him."

"Zack's been in a relationship for a long time now."

"I get that. Just like I get you can't turn off how you feel overnight—I think we've all been there at one point or another. It's good that you're trying to put yourself out there at least."

Cloud arched an eyebrow. "Then why do I feel like you're about to tell me it's time to go home?"

"In all fairness, we're done eating and it's getting late," she reminded him with a smile.

"You're right. I'll walk you home?"

"I'd like that."

They'd already paid, so after clearing their table they were out the door. He blinked in surprise when she reached for his hand, interlacing their fingers loosely as they began headed the direction of her apartment—it was on the opposite end of the street from his own, but not far.

"It's comfortable at least," she noted, raising their linked hands.

"Yeah," he agreed, that was probably the right word. _Comfortable._ There was nothing exciting about it, and there still weren't any flutters in his stomach…but it wasn't terrible or anything. "I wish I felt something more."

"Me too," Jess said, giving his hand a quick squeeze. "It's not so bad holding hands as friends though."

"Yeah. There's something nice about it."

"Well, anytime you need a friendly hand, consider mine up for grabs."

He chuckled quietly. "I, uh…appreciate that. Thanks."

How in the world did he get so lucky? His night should've ended with a very offended date, but instead it ended with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry," he offered once his hand was released.

She waved the apology off. "Don't be. We said it wouldn't be anything serious."

"Yeah, but you didn't sign up to hear me talk about Zack half the night. That wasn't right."

"For what it's worth, I think it's sweet how much you care for him. If you want to do this again as friends, count me in."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, "why not? I had a nice time. You're a good guy, Cloud."

"Okay then. We'll do it again sometime."

"Did you want to come in? I can make us coffee or tea or something if you're not ready to go home."

"…Are you just being polite?"

She laughed softly. "No, but remember when I said we've all been there at some point?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't mind having someone willing to listen, too. Someone who maybe understands."

Cloud raised both brows when he realized what she meant. "Okay, yeah. I could go for some tea."

It was the least he could do, really.

xxxxx

Jess was in love with Biggs, one of her co-workers.

There was something oddly touching about the way she opened up, and every word struck an accord with Cloud. While his own close-knit group of friends didn't really seem to understand, _Jess_ knew exactly what it was like to have misplaced feelings for someone who just wasn't interested.

Their situations weren't identical. Biggs wasn't in any kind of relationship, he just thought of her as a 'sister' apparently, which made it weird to try for anything else—but it was easy for Cloud to empathize still. She wanted something she couldn't have, just like he did. And as much as her friends tried telling her to confess, she couldn't bring herself to do it while he was still calling her _sis_ every day.

 _"Maybe we can help each other move on,"_ she'd suggested tentatively—and no, she didn't mean by dating each other. They would just be friends, supporting each other in ways their other friends didn't quite know how. _"When you need to talk about him, call me. And I'll call you, too."_

Their agreement had him smiling as he walked home, well past two in the morning. It felt like the start of a good friendship, and that wasn't what he'd expected to gain from his night out.

The lights were out when he stepped into his apartment, but he couldn't tell if that was because Angeal had gone to bed already or because he was staying over his girlfriend's place again. It was too bad—he was looking forward to spilling about his evening, and was oddly eager to hear how Angeal's date had gone as well. Things were going so well for Angeal, and that was exciting for Cloud.

"Spike?"

Cloud jumped back with a startled gasp before the groggy voice registered in his head. "Zack?" He flicked up a light switch, confused as he saw a messy head of black spikes shuffling into a sitting position on his couch. "What're you doing here?"

"Ang let me in," he responded with a shrug. "You just getting back?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry."

His arms were in the air, stretching up and out as he let out a long yawn. "Sorry?"

"I would've come back sooner if I knew you were here."

"Nah, it's cool. How'd the date go?"

"Really good, actually," Cloud admitted, circling the couch. Zack had hopped up before he could sit by his friend, taking the blond's hand into his own and stopping to turn the light back off as he guided them out of the living room. "Uh—"

"I'm exhausted," Zack muttered, yawning again as they entered Cloud's bedroom. He didn't even question it when his friend tugged him into bed, shuffling around until he was curled around Cloud's body from behind. His warm breath tickled the back of Cloud's neck. "Wanna hear all about it before I sleep."

"Are you okay?" he countered instead.

This wasn't the first time they'd ended up like this since their camping trip—it was like the next layer of their friendship had been unlocked, and neither were willing to step back from it. But usually there was a good reason they ended up like this. Namely an argument with Luxiere. It had been startling the first time, but when he'd asked what was with the sudden need for cuddles, Zack had sounded so worn down… _I just need something to hold onto._ Cloud learned to stop asking after that, instead just doing what he could to support his friend.

"'m fine," Zack assured him quietly. "Came to talk about your night."

"Oh. Okay, yeah," he responded, glad his friend couldn't see his frown. "Wasn't anything big. We went for pizza, then back to her place."

"You went to her place and didn't spend the night?"

"It wasn't like that," he said quickly, calming down when Zack's fingers trailed up and down his arm. "We were just talking. She said I could crash on her couch, but I kinda wanted to clear my head."

"Mm, yeah, you like walking at night."

Zack knew him too well. "Yeah."

"Think you'll go out again?"

"As friends, yeah," Cloud replied, heart sinking when Zack stilled.

He was disappointed, obviously. All his friends had been obnoxiously enthusiastic about this date. They still couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that Cloud just wasn't interested.

"Just friends?"

"Yeah. She's hung up on someone else, and I really only went to shut everyone up."

"How could she be hung up on someone else when she has a shot with you? She's missing out."

"Zack…" _Stop saying things like that,_ he wanted to demand. That would require an explanation though. Obviously his friend didn't realize how damn heart breaking it was when he said things like that—he was just trying to be supportive. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. No fights or anything. Just here for you."

"No fights?" he repeated skeptically.

"Nah. I mean, he wasn't stoked when I said I was gonna swing by to see how your date went," Zack admitted, shrugging around Cloud, "but he didn't argue or anything. I think he gets how important you are to me, even if you guys aren't best buds."

"Does he know you're staying?"

He could feel Zack shaking his head. "Wasn't expecting you to get back so late. Doesn't make sense to go home now."

"You should text him or something so he's not freaking out in the morning."

"I'll get up early. My phone's in the living room and I don't wanna move."

"You're sure he's cool with you staying like this?"

"Spike, it's fine. If you can't have platonic cuddles, what the hell are friends for?"

Cloud laughed. _You have a boyfriend, you don't even need platonic cuddles,_ he wanted to say, but instead he settled on, "Uh, I guess that's one way to look at it."

"The best way. Now c'mon, let's go to sleep," Zack whispered, pressing a soothing kiss to the back of Cloud's neck. It jolted him fully awake, but he didn't say a word. Instead he laid there, eyes wide as the confusion set in.

How was he supposed to get over his ridiculous feelings like this?

xxxxx

Angeal did not look amused, and Cloud wasn't sure how much longer he could handle those stern brows. He'd only been home from work for a few minutes, but still hadn't said a word—strange for the man whose warm greetings were something of a signature.

"Are you okay, Ang?" he ventured tentatively.

"…I could ask you the same," Angeal replied, taking a seat next to the blond on their couch. "Zack says you've been avoiding him."

He slumped back where he sat, not prepared for this. "Oh."

"I'm inclined to believe him."

Almost on cue, Cloud's phone dinged. It was on the armrest of the couch, where it had been pestering him for most the afternoon. Six texts and two missed calls, all from Zack. The work day had barely ended at AVALANCHE, which inevitably meant more would come before the night ended…That was how the last week had gone, at least.

"It's not that I'm avoiding him," Cloud began, the silence weighing too heavily on him. "I just need a little space, that's all."

"Did something happen?"

"No, but…he's just so damn friendly, you know?" He let out a disgruntled sigh, sure that was the weirdest complaint he'd ever made. It wasn't even a complaint really—he loved that about Zack. The problem was he loved it maybe _too much._ "He slept over last week, and I just…I can't keep doing this."

"So that means avoiding him entirely?"

"I'm still texting him every day," Cloud said weakly, sure it didn't make his behavior seem any better. "I remember when I first met him, there was this kind of _excitement_. Right away he was special. But then I left and we were just messaging every day, so it was easier to pretend there was nothing else. It was just so simple and _fun_ , talking and messaging without having to look him in the eye."

Not to say there hadn't been butterflies on more than one occasion, but that was only when they spoke or when Zack's messages turned flirty. And sometimes when they exchanged pictures. But they were so far away from each other. In other worlds practically. It was easy to keep his little crush in check back then.

That was something he wanted to recreate—something he needed to do now before he was overwhelmed by his feelings. They only seemed to get stronger as the two grew closer, and waking up in his arms was Cloud's limit.

"You don't look like you're having fun now."

Cloud gave a bitter laugh. "Because I'm not. It's not the same messaging now that we've been spending so much time together, but I don't know what else to do anymore. You guys were all right—I need to get over this."

"I don't really understand what changed. You've been spending time with him without it being an issue for months now."

"I guess I feel like the lines are getting blurred for me. When he stays over, he'll crash in my bed, and it's just…it's really nice, but it's hard when he sees it as harmless. I feel like I'm taking advantage."

"You're not taking advantage," Angeal responded, almost incredulous. "It's not like you're manipulating him into bed, and you're not looking at it as anything more than platonic even if you maybe wish it was. That means the line is intact. If you're still not comfortable though, then just ask him to use the couch if he really wants to stay. You don't need to avoid him entirely."

"Well, I _have_ been busy, too. I've done four interviews this week, plus I've been pulling extra shifts," Cloud revealed, smiling a bit at how much Angeal brightened up. "I got a job offer already."

"From where?"

"There's an opening at the Midgar Post. It'd be a couple weekly columns covering the events at Floor 49," he explained, sure Angeal knew what he meant. That was the recreational center that held most of the environmental speeches and rallies in the city—sometimes for AVALANCHE, other times for other non-profits. It wasn't always environmental causes, but it was _never_ booked by ShinRa or any other big businesses. "There's a big push for online content, so I'd do daily blogging too—mostly opinion pieces. I guess they give me topics in advance so I can do some research ahead of time."

Angeal nodded, looking impressed. "I thought you'd lost interest in working for a newspaper?"

"That was when ShinRa owned every paper in town, plus all the new stations," Cloud said with a smile. "They never owned the Post, but they obviously had an in with the editor. Not anymore though. It got bought out—new ownership, new editors. It actually feels like a balanced paper now."

"You realize who the new owner is, right?"

Cloud arched a brow. "No, they just called whoever it is an anonymous—" He cut himself off, eyes wide with realization. "It's not Seph, is it?"

"It is," Angeal confirmed, patting Cloud's shoulder reassuringly when he groaned. Of _course_ it was Sephiroth. Who else could buy a damn newspaper? He was the wealthiest independent entrepreneur in the city. Most the other really rich guys worked for ShinRa. "Still sounds like a great position for you."

"Yeah, but I don't want a job that he got me. I wanted to do this on my own."

"I don't think he bought it with you in mind. As far as any of us knew, you weren't interested in anything like that anymore," Angeal reminded him. "It's not like he's overseeing the hiring. At most, he told them he wanted coverage of those events since they never make it into the Midgar Times."

"Yeah, but I'm not really qualified, I have no experience," Cloud said, shaking his head slowly. "They just liked that I've already been going to a lot of the events. That I knew some of the people."

"It sounds like a great opportunity, Cloud. Don't throw it away over something silly."

"Well, I've got a few more days to decide. A few more interviews too," he remembered. "I'll call Seph maybe, see how much he's involved. I don't think he'd lie to me."

"He's an honest man," Angeal said simply. "Are you going to call Zack, too?"

His phone had gone off two more time during their conversation, and he gave his messages a quick once over. Mostly the usual— _hey, how's it going? Miss you!_ Mixed in with funny bits about things that happened to Zack that day.

 _Hey, sorry, had an interview this afternoon,_ Cloud sent back, tacking on a smiley face for good measure. He felt guilty enough already, he didn't want Zack to think he'd done anything wrong.

It barely took ten second for Zack to shoot back a response, _wanna grab dinner?_

"I'm doing my long night at the bar," Cloud told Angeal, sending Zack the same words as he spoke. "Next week is it for me. I saved enough for my bike finally."

And just in time. A new job inevitably meant he'd need to be able to get around on his own instead of walking and relying on his friends to get him around. Plus, a motorcycle had always been on his wish list. A few months on his new salary and he might even be able to customize it more.

"We'll have to celebrate!"

"Oh, no, that's really okay," he said quickly, shaking his head. "You know I'm not into—"

"You won't have a choice once Genesis finds out. I'll make sure he keeps it small—we can do a little group thing at Seventh Heaven. Maybe the day after your last shift?"

Cloud sighed. There was no point in putting up a fight…at least this way Angeal was right, he could make sure it was a small thing. "Fine. But I'd rather it be more like we're all just hanging out. No presents or speeches or balloons or anything."

"Balloons?" Angeal repeated with an amused smile.

"Genesis brought balloons to my graduation, and I still haven't forgiven him."

"Why do I feel like there's more to that story?"

"Because there is, and I'm not telling you," Cloud answered with a shrug. Genesis had a weird thing about embarrassing Cloud— _you're just adorable when you blush, precious._ Even while he was scowling apparently. "But maybe you can tell _me_ why you've been in such a weird mood since you got home. I know it's not just about me and Zack."

"Well, he's been down since you started avoiding him. He's definitely noticed. Instead of upbeat comments throughout the day, he just asks if you're doing okay or if something's going on."

As if he didn't feel guilty enough. "You're still not telling me if _you're_ okay."

"I am, I've just grown used to Zack keeping me from getting too serious. It doesn't work that way when he's being serious as well."

"If you're trying to make me feel worse, it's working."

"What? No, of course not! I don't want you to feel bad. I was just answering your question."

"What are you being too serious about? Maybe I can make you smile."

Angeal looked at him, already doing just that. "Well…"

xxxxx

Talking with Angeal was one thing, but seeing Zack again was another.

It had only been a couple weeks, but he'd actually become _good_ at avoiding his friend…not that it was something he was proud to admit. It felt all wrong, actually. They knew each other so well, and he'd used that to his advantage. Zack would expect him to be at certain places during certain hours—from work to restaurants to home.

All he had to do was mix up his schedule a bit to be difficult for Zack to track down. Whether that meant swapping shifts at work, hanging out at Jess', convincing Tifa to let him work in the kitchen sometimes…he was willing to do what he had to, no matter how painful it was.

"Care to explain why you're hiding out in my living room, dear?"

Cloud blinked his eyes open, staring up at Genesis helplessly. He hadn't even heard the door open—Sephiroth had let him inside before headed to a meeting that morning, and Cloud promptly decided to take a nap on their couch. One of the joys of working late hours—he could fall asleep pretty much at any point in the day.

If Genesis was home though, he'd definitely slept longer than intended. He sat up slowly, rubbing the drowsiness from his face.

"I can't go home today," Cloud answered, sure Genesis wouldn't settle on a half-truth. "Seph said it was cool if I hung out a while."

"As much as I enjoy having you here, I'm not sure I can let you stay," the redhead said, arms folded across his chest as he watched Cloud's face fall. "Running away from your problems won't solve them."

"You were the one who told me I needed to do something to move on."

"I told you to _talk_ to Zack—to let him know how you felt. And when you said no, I suggested finding someone else. Nowhere in that did I suggest camping in my house so you wouldn't feel bad turning him away at your own door."

"The only way I'm going to get over it is if I give myself some time and space."

"And you truly believe it won't all come rushing back the moment you allow your friendship to return to normal?"

"Maybe it can _never_ be normal," Cloud admitted, heart sinking as he shrugged. How could it be when he was keeping so much to himself? "Maybe it never was."

"I'm inclined to agree. From the moment I first saw you two together, it was clear to me you had a unique bond. No one makes you light up the way he does," Genesis claimed. And maybe he was right. Cloud leaned forward where he sat, elbows propped on his knees as he hung his head to think. "The thing you've failed to notice is that he is the exact same way with you. Whatever you feel for him, it is almost certainly mutual."

Cloud scoffed—that was hardly reassuring. "Almost certainly?"

"Well, he's never specifically _said_ that to me," Genesis responded shortly. "Some things don't need to be spoken though. He loves you."

"You're saying that, but you're also the one who told me Zack was unhappy with Luxiere, and I know for a fact that's not true."

"That's a matter of perspective."

"Yeah, except _Zack's_ perspective is the only one that counts when it comes to his relationship. If he didn't want to be with Luxiere, he wouldn't be. It's that simple."

"He's too sentimental about the good times to see how bad things have become."

"Gen…"

"I can't let you hide here," Genesis said again, firmly this time. "Go home, Cloud. Call him."

He looked up at his friend desperately. "Please, Gen. I can't right now. He's doing dinner with Angeal tonight."

"And?"

"And I'm off from work. I've got nowhere to be, and I need a little more time to figure this out."

"Do you truly believe another day will make any difference?"

His impulse was to say yes, but he knew better. "I…don't know. Probably not."

"You're making yourself miserable, and I won't stand by and allow it," Genesis decided, extending a hand to the blond. "Let me bring you home."

"Do you have rehearsal tonight?"

"Yes. We have a new production going live in two weeks."

"Can I go with you? It's been a while since I got to see you in action," Cloud said, putting on a big smile. Genesis already looked tempted. Usually when Cloud went to one of the shows Genesis produced, it was on an actual play night, which meant Genesis would not be in the spotlight. An actual rehearsal was different. He would be in his zone, lecturing people and making big decisions. "Please? My new job's starting soon, so I don't know when I'll make it to one of the actual shows."

"Opening night, if you know what's good for you," Genesis told him, hands on his hips. Cloud just laughed—he wouldn't be working nights, so it probably wouldn't be a problem. But Genesis didn't need to know that yet. "I'll tell you what. We'll get dinner together, then go to my rehearsal. But after that you're going home, and I don't want to see you back here until you've spoken with Zack. Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed easily, jumping to his feet. "Want me to cook, or do you wanna go out?"

"I was going to suggest going out, but may be it'd be nice to make something together. We don't have much time though—maybe an hour till we need to leave."

Cloud nodded, thinking it over. "Angeal taught me how to make that Banoran onion soup you like. That's pretty quick."

"Perfect. You can do that, and I'll make salad and dessert."

"You have a pie in the fridge already."

Genesis shushed him. "You're not supposed to know that."

He rolled his eyes at his friend as they went into the kitchen, but with complete amusement. It was actually refreshing to get to joke around with Genesis…or _anyone_ for that matter. Angeal wasn't the only one who didn't have Zack around to keep him from being too serious.

Zack...Maybe Genesis had a point. Staying away was only making it hurt _more._ At least when they were hanging out every day, he was still able to have Zack in some capacity. It had barely been two weeks, and it felt like his entire world had dulled down to nothing.

There was no way he could go home tonight though. How could he explain himself if Zack was still there? Sure, he'd still been sending messages regularly, but it wasn't like they were at the point where he could just play it off like a big scheduling coincidence. It was too late for that.

Another day to think up a better plan couldn't hurt. He'd just have to find somewhere else to go after Genesis' rehearsal…maybe Jess', since she lived just down the road. He pulled out his phone while Genesis began pulling out ingredients, shooting her a quick message to see if she'd even be home.

 _the couch is all yours,_ she replied, giving Cloud every reason to breathe a sigh of relief. He didn't though—he couldn't. The thought of avoiding Zack for another day made him just as anxious as the thought of seeing Zack again.

xxxxx

Months tended to come and go with little change, usually faster than the last since Cloud had graduated. This one though, couldn't come fast as he wanted.

He'd wrapped up his final shift at Seventh Heaven, his new job was set to start in three days, and time just couldn't go by quick enough. He was _ready_ for this. Ready to start the next chapter in his life. It had taken a lot longer than he'd planned to get to this point, but there was no doubt it was all worth the wait.

"I couldn't have done this without you guys," he declared, raising his pint up happily and clinking it into the cluster his friends had raised in celebration.

Everyone important was there at Seventh Heaven to support him—including Zack, who he was seeing for the first time in almost three weeks. Thankfully his friend had been nothing but smiles during their 'reunion', greeting him with a warm hug as if no time had passed at all. The only difference was, it had been followed up by a look that clearly said _we'll talk later._

By the time the night was winding down, he was ready for that too. Maybe he'd gotten a little tipsy beforehand, but he couldn't be blamed for that. It wasn't just about their impending conversation. Who knew when he'd be free to kick back and relax like this again though? His new job would have him on a rotating schedule for a while.

"I still can't believe you turned down AVALANCHE," Zack teased, giving him a playful elbow jab.

"I told you I wasn't going to go that route," Cloud replied with a shrug. "At least I didn't go to ShinRa." And, oops. Zack was frowning at his words, which wasn't how that joke was supposed to end. "I didn't mean—"

"Hey, I know!" his friend said in a hurry. "It's cool, you're right. I'm proud of you, man!"

"I think it's the right move for me."

"Me too," Zack agreed with a smile. "Now c'mon, let's dance or something!"

"This isn't really a dancing kind of bar."

Zack looked around at their friends, already caught up in separate conversations. "Wanna go find somewhere that is?"

"You want to go dancing?" Cloud asked skeptically. The bar was already starting to clear out—it was getting late even by nightlife standards. Not to mention dancing wasn't exactly one of his hidden talents, last he checked. "I don't think—"

"It was a joke, Spike. I just wanna get you alone for a few," Zack admitted, eyes making a silent plea.

"I don't think Angeal's coming home tonight," Cloud said, noticing how touchy Genesis was getting with the man. He'd definitely have to ask Angeal about _that_ sometime soon—they'd had a short chat about how things hadn't worked out with the girl he was seeing, but whatever else was happening was a mystery. "We can hang out at my place for a while?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, let me just tell Jess." He was already looking for his friend as he spoke, but Zack's hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could step away.

"Why do you have to tell Jess?" he asked curiously.

"Um. It's not a big deal, we were just gonna hang out tonight," Cloud explained with a shrug.

"Tonight after your party?"

"This isn't a party."

Zack arched an amused eyebrow. "Whatever you wanna call it, then."

Casual get together. That sounded much better. Something told him Zack wasn't interested in the clarification though, so he jumped right to the point. "Well, yeah. We've been hanging out—I'm pretty sure I told you that already?"

"You did, but I didn't realize you meant in the middle of the night."

They weren't usually—it had been a tentative plan. Something he wasn't eager to discuss. "…Does it make a difference?"

"I guess not," Zack responded with a frown. "Just curious."

"Let me let her know, then we can talk more," Cloud suggested, and this time Zack gave a nod and let him step away. Jess was relaxing in a booth with Biggs and a few other co-workers, but she looked up with a welcoming smile when he approached.

"Something came up?" she guessed, nodding toward Zack before eyeing Cloud knowingly.

"Yeah, if you don't mind?"

"Yeah, no problem. Text me tomorrow?"

"Yeah, definitely," he agreed with a smile. That was just as easy as he was hoping it would be. "Thanks, Jess."

She just looked amused as she said, "Not a problem."

Cloud muttered his goodbye, making it a point to say the same to everyone at the table before headed over to let everyone else know he was headed out too. Genesis, Sephiroth, and Angeal were getting ready to leave anyway, and Tifa looked about ready to close up shop for the night.

"Congrats again," she told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

The fist she waved in warning only made him laugh. "I won't," he promised.

And unlike the many times he'd told her as much over the years, he was confident it was true this time. Seventh Heaven felt a lot like home these days, and Tifa was a huge part of that. The proud look on her face brought the same feeling to the surface inside himself, and he knew there was no reason for him to stay away.

He wasn't the same directionless kid he'd been during college. Not anymore.

Zack slung an arm around him when he was back at his friend's side, a grin on both their faces as they headed out. To his confusion though, nothing was said. The way Zack had been eager to get out of there, he'd been expecting his friend to jump right into it the moment they were alone.

"You okay?" Cloud asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Yeah, fine."

Cloud looked up at him, waiting for his glance to be met—but it wasn't. Zack just kept walking by his side, gaze averted…like he was lost in thought. It didn't take a genius to know what was wrong.

He knew better than to push it. Zack would say what he needed to say when he was ready. The walk gave him time to sober up at least, enough that he was prepared to apologize the way he'd spent _days_ rehearsing. His other friends told him he was overthinking it—that Zack would be cool about it as long as he stuck as closely to the truth as he could manage.

Frankly, he was sick of lying anyway. It just felt so complicated though.

They didn't make it two steps inside Cloud's apartment before Zack spoke again, "So, I don't get it."

The blond shrugged off his jacked, hanging it up before turning on some lights. When Zack still hadn't continued, he leaned against the kitchen counter patiently.

"Why were you going to Jess' tonight?"

He blinked. _That_ was what Zack didn't get? "…Jess and I have a kind of understanding," Cloud tried to explain, keeping his tone casual. It really wasn't going to make sense to any of his friends—they still couldn't wrap their heads around his _stay single_ attitude. "Neither of us wants to be in a relationship, but there are things about relationships we like."

Zack's eyes went wide. "Like…friends with benefits? You were gonna have sex?"

"No," Cloud replied with a shrug. He was trying to look calm despite how anxious he felt about this entire conversation. "Not exactly. Definitely no sex."

"So…?"

He suddenly wished he'd drank more than one too many. "I like to cuddle, okay? I don't feel like dating anyone right now, but I was thinking about that thing you said—"

"Friends are good for platonic cuddles," Zack finished, his big grin returning incrementally.

"Yeah. And it was similar to something she had said about holding hands," Cloud said, sighing again. Zack looked _way_ too happy about all this, which made the entire thing more awkward than it already was. "We just figured since we're both single, why not?"

"Hey, I'm _not_ single and I still say why not!"

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but I kinda don't," Zack said, hands on his hips. "If you wanted to cuddle, why didn't you just ask me? I don't mind switching if you're more into being the big spoon."

Cloud chuckled quietly when his friend tacked on a wink. "I don't really have that kind of preference. It's just nice to have someone there."

"And?"

"And I didn't think you'd want to crash here regularly," Cloud said, stating what felt like the obvious.

"Well, maybe not _regularly._ But sometimes, yeah?"

"…I guess."

"It's not like cuddles are exclusively a bedtime thing," he added quickly. "We watch movies all the time."

"Yeah, but…even if _we_ know it's platonic, isn't it—"

"It's not weird," Zack cut in, shaking his head decisively. "Lux already knows about the times I crashed here before. I mean, he trusts me—he knows it's just cuddling."

"You _are_ kind of touchy with most people."

Zack laughed. "Exactly. It's kinda expected that I cuddle my friends."

"I'm ready to put you to work then," Cloud decided, already headed off toward his bedroom. He shut the door behind him before Zack could step in, laughing at the disgruntled noise his friend made. "I'm changing, wait a minute."

By the time he was done, Zack had apparently resorted to leaning against his bedroom door—his friend stumbled in as Cloud opened it, all but toppling forward into the blond's arms.

"And I thought _I_ drank too much," he joked, still chuckling at his friend.

"You knew I was standing there—you just couldn't wait to get your arms around me," Zack accused, his own laughter making it impossible to take seriously.

It wasn't true of course, but…intentional or not, Cloud did have his hands on his friend. Their eyes met, Zack still hunched a bit in Cloud's hold as their laughter tapered off into warm smiles. The moment was over before he could sufficiently enjoy it though, Zack straightening up and safely on his own two feet in a flash.

"What am I s'posed to wear?" Zack asked, looking Cloud up and down. "You get to be cute and comfy, and that's just not fair."

"I'd offer you some of my clothes, but…" It was Cloud's turn to look Zack up and down. "Actually, if you _really_ want to try to squeeze in, I'd be happy to laugh at you."

"Little shit," Zack grumbled, unceremoniously shedding his shirt as he spoke. Cloud barely got to look, too caught up watching him kick his shoes off and undoing his belt.

"Uh, Zack—"

"I'm not getting naked," he assured the blond with a smirk, stopping when his jeans were off.

"Want me to go steal something from Angeal's room? He won't mind."

"Nah, boxers are fine," Zack decided, falling backwards onto the bed when he was down to just that. "Now come here! I've got a point to prove."

Cloud stepped toward the bed tentatively, smiling when Zack snatched his wrist and tugged him down. "What point?"

"That I'm the number one cuddler in your life," he replied easily, like Cloud should've known. He wrapped his arms around the blond, spooning up behind him like he had a point to prove. "Jess is a nice girl, but this is basically my second profession."

"Uh—"

Zack shushed him. "Just let me have my title."

"For tonight I guess," he conceded, completely relaxed in Zack's hold. If he didn't feel obligated to choose someone else, he'd be tempted to agree that _yes,_ Zack was the best cuddler.

"So…"

"So," Cloud repeated, heart sinking slowly. He'd gotten off easy so far, with jokes and cuddles. Of course that was too good to be true. "It's time to talk, huh?"

"Guess so. Am I crazy, or have you really been avoiding me?"

He took a deep breath, not willing to lie. "You're not crazy."

"Gonna tell me why?"

"Don't suppose you'll settle on _it's complicated?"_ Cloud tried, already knowing the answer.

"Spike…I just want you to be honest with me. Always."

"I kinda needed some space."

"From me?"

"Yeah."

There was a long silence. "Am I hanging around too much?"

"No. I love spending time with you."

"Okay. Soooo…?"

"I really missed you this whole time. Every day."

"I missed you too. I'm still kinda confused?" There was a long pause, and Cloud was very grateful he didn't have to meet Zack's eyes. "Why'd you need space, Spike?"

"I don't want to lie."

"So don't."

"I'm not ready to talk about it," he said, which was true. "I kinda freaked out a little, and I thought pulling back would help."

"Is it something to do with Lux? I know you don't—"

"No, it's not that," Cloud cut in quickly. "I wouldn't pull away from you because of him."

"You didn't pull away from anyone else though. You spent _more_ time with the others, from what I heard. If it's not Lux, then…did _I_ do something?"

"No, nothing like that. You've always been great."

"…What am I missing then?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling pretty pathetic at this point.

"For avoiding me, or for not telling me why?"

"Both," he whispered, helpless.

Zack wasn't one to be mean, but part of him expected an annoyed huff at least—or maybe for his friend to decide to go home for the night. Maybe Zack would decide _he_ needed space because this was the kind of conversations teenagers had, and they were supposed to be adults.

None of that happened though. His friend just held him closer, not saying a word for several minutes. "Will you tell me when you're ready?"

"I don't know when that'll be."

"I can wait," Zack responded easily. "Just...maybe talk to me next time something happens? Or yell at me or whatever you need. Don't ignore me."

"I won't. I don't think I could handle doing that again," he admitted.

"Good, 'cause neither can I."

The way Zack held him so snug to his chest like he didn't want to let go made Cloud believe it was more than just a sentiment.


	3. Part Two

**Part Two** _(please note the time jump mentioned in the beginning)_

* * *

If six months traveling alone had been a learning experience, a year playing in the adult workforce had been nothing short of enlightening. It wasn't that he had mind-blowing experiences on a daily basis so much as he _finally_ felt like he was moving in the right direction. The freedom to go wherever he wanted was liberating, but this?

It wasn't a fall back job where he fell into a monotonous routine out of necessity, the way he'd always worried about. He was getting paid to do something he _liked._ Not to say he didn't enjoy his time at the bar, but this was different.

Back in school, the reason he'd considered a career like this in the first place was because it was just _easier_ to write than it was to verbalize certain things. He never considered himself much of a storyteller, always stumbling over his words and forgetting the important points…but his weekly columns were an opportunity to get the story right—an overview of what had gone on at the various events he now covered (no longer restricted to just two a week now that he had more experience).

His opinion blog through the newspaper's website had taken off too. Cloud Strife was now something of a _respected_ name in the fields he covered—topics ranging from environmental issues to snow sports, apparently. Once his blog had gotten a little traction, his freedom over topic selection had broadened significantly.

 _The readers want to know more about you,_ his editor insisted, basically giving Cloud free range to blog about whatever he wanted and still get _paid_ for it. Since his weekly columns were a strictly to-the-fact, non-biased report of events, the blog was a breath of fresh air.

"Looking good, superstar," Zack winked, making no secret of the way he was eyeing Cloud up and down.

Cloud just rolled his eyes. Sure, his job was different now, but his friendship with Zack was still the same. Maybe even better now. Time hadn't changed how he felt for his friend, but it _had_ made his silly crush a lot more manageable.

Well, mostly manageable. He still couldn't stop himself blushing while Zack was checking him out this blatantly. "I'm not a superstar."

"Coulda fooled me with the fancy suit."

Yeah. _Maybe_ that was a bonus that came with his job now. When he started, he had a common sense wardrobe (no jeans, no t-shirts—but nice pants and a button up worked well enough). Now? His boss had given him a clothing allowance because he needed to step up his apparel game for certain events. Usually he refused (it was kind of wasteful to buy clothes for one day), but tonight's was ShinRa's quarterly investor's party—a suit and tie event.

It had come as a shock, as he was almost certainly on ShinRa's no-entry list after a few of his columns (he wasn't even allowed into their press conferences), but he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to do this. And if he happened to overhear something questionable or see some firsthand examples of the issues he'd been reporting on all this time, well…it would be strictly factual to report on those, too.

"Heard you got offered a broadcasting gig," Zack said, a bit too nonchalant. Cloud looked back up at him curiously, only to find Zack giving him the same look. "You gonna take it?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Uh, you're basically an unofficial AVALANCHE spokesperson. Word gets around at work whenever anything happens with you."

"Yeah, well…half the reason I like this job is because I get to write," Cloud reminded his friend, shrugging. "I'm still not even great with interviewing people—I'd be shit on TV. And I'd have less say over content."

"Yeah, but it sounds like a great opportunity, and you'd still get to blog I bet. Plus, you did a great job last time."

Cloud chuckled quietly, hand on the back of his neck. Great job? In the last year, he'd ended up playing TV correspondent a handful of times—but _only_ because his editor had begged, saying they needed the connection with the single non-ShinRa owned broadcasting company in the city. He would get chosen to help when they needed someone at an event he was already covering, and he always had at least one embarrassing stutter or word slip.

"Hey, you were adorable," Zack said, cutting into his thoughts with a kind smile. "Seriously, you've got a face made for TV."

"I'm a reporter—I'm not supposed to be _adorable,_ " he complained. "I need people to take me seriously."

"They _do._ You can get the story right and still be adorable. I think you should seriously consider it, man. Think about how much bigger an audience you could reach! Newspapers aren't as big as they used to be."

"…The job offer came from Turk TV studios," he admitted.

Judging by Zack's shocked face, he knew just what that meant—Rufus ShinRa owned that studio. Publicly, he was trying to step out from his father's shadow and 'create his own legacy', but that didn't mean all ties were severed privately. It was hard to gauge how much influence his father had, and Cloud had no interest in inadvertently working for _that_ man.

He shook his head at the thought. "I'm not taking it."

"It wouldn't hurt to look into it at least," Zack suggested, seemingly considering it still himself. "I mean, maybe there's some truth to what he's saying—that he wants to do his own thing."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he disagrees with his father. His own thing could be just as bad."

"That's why I said to look into it. You gotta think, they wouldn't ask _you_ of all people without making sure they got their shit together."

"Or, they know people see me as anti-ShinRa, so they want to use me as a pawn to help distance themselves from the company when they actually aren't so different."

"You won't know till you look into it. Maybe ask Seph? He's got an eye for stuff like this."

"I guess," Cloud relented, and only because Zack looked so damn hopeful about it. "I still can't believe I'm doing this event. I've never even been into ShinRa Tower."

"Never?"

"Nope. Never had a reason until now."

"Well, don't let the fancy decorations and cocktails fool you," Zack teased, giving him a playful elbow jab. "They'll prob'ly try to wine and dine you into writing something nice."

"I'm definitely not drinking," he responded shortly. "I wanna get to the bottom of why they requested me."

"Their profits took a big dip after that column you wrote," Zack mused.

"Yeah, but that could be for a lot of reasons—it's not necessarily related to anything I did."

"I dunno, you're the face of the cause now. You should give yourself more credit."

Another reason not to take a broadcasting job. Doing correspondent work from time to time was one thing, but a bigger role meant covering more topics. Not that he didn't care about other day to day news items, but he'd grown pretty passionate about what he was doing.

"How'd you know about the profits?" Cloud asked curiously. "They're supposed to be releasing the latest financial report tonight before it goes public tomorrow."

"Lux mentioned it."

Oh. He remained as composed as possible, not sure why he hadn't made that connection. Maybe because it was easier to keep Luxiere in the furthest corners of his mind, almost like he didn't exist. "Is he going?"

"Uh, yeah actually," Zack answered with a frown. "He kinda invited me to be his plus one tonight."

Cloud raised both brows. "I thought you didn't like going to these kinda things?"

"I don't, and I'm not going tonight either. I just thought it was weird he'd even ask after all this time. He knows how things are with me and his co-workers. It's not like it's gotten better."

"Do you think…?" He shook his head, already regretting the almost-question. The look in Zack's eyes was enough to say _yes,_ he was thinking something similar. "I'm sure it's nothing. He probably just misses having you there with him."

"I dunno. I'd rather that be it, but I can't shake this feeling, ya know? Like he just wanted an in with you."

"I doubt that's it. It'd be stupid," he said decisively. "I'm going to report on facts, not on who's able to kiss my ass the best."

"Well, I _would_ kiss it the best, so I can see why he invited me," Zack replied with a wink. "But yeah. Not interested in going to ShinRa events, especially not just to distract you or whatever."

"I better get going," Cloud said, blinking in surprise when Zack reached down to straighten out his tie. His friend smiled down at him, prompting him to smile in return. "Are you hanging out here with Ang tonight?"

"Yeah. He's got some kinda plan to go plant some stuff?" Zack explained with a shrug. "Told him I'd join him. I dunno where he expects stuff to grow in Midgar, but I'm definitely down to find out."

"Sounds interesting."

"Yeah, I think he's bringing Gen along too, so it should be a laugh on top of it being a cool thing to do," he added, smirking. "I'm gonna be here when you get back. I wanna hear all about your night."

"Yeah, sure. I've gotta stay for the whole thing, so I might be late."

"I'll crash in your bed if you take too long."

Cloud just nodded like that didn't make his heart skip a beat. "Okay. See ya."

xxxxx

The dinner was boring, to say the least. Everyone was on their best behavior, and he hadn't overheard anything particularly noteworthy (aside from one executive scoffing about energy efficient light bulbs—seriously, what was with ShinRa employees and light bulbs?). It was looking like his article would be just as boring…an overview of the event rather than anything groundbreaking.

Maybe that was their plan though.

At most, he'd be able to tie in the light bulb comment with some facts, and maybe mention how ShinRa Tower leaves every single one its lights on even during off hours just so the massive structure could be seen from across the city. That was why that one building alone burned more mako per day than Sectors Four and Five combined.

There was still a chance someone would say something more newsworthy, or that the financial reports would be interesting. He found himself circling the room, moving from table to table for his quotes while trying to steer clear of the other reporters. They were mostly doing the same with him anyway, like associating with him would get them on ShinRa's shit list.

"Cloud."

He forced a tight lipped smile, recognizing a man he hadn't seen in person in _months_. "Luxiere. How are you?"

"Great. Would you like a drink?" he offered, already holding a spare glass of champagne.

"I'm on the job right now," Cloud responded politely, tapping at his press pass. "We're on the record unless you say otherwise."

"That's fine, I've got nothing to hide," Luxiere replied smoothly. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"It's been pretty uneventful," he admitted. "I _am_ looking forward to the financial reports, but they told me those wouldn't be released for another hour."

"I can get you a copy ahead of time, if you'd like."

"Um. That's okay, they said all the reporters would get a folder on our way out," Cloud told him, looking up curiously. "Did you need something from me?"

"No. It's just the first time I've spotted you alone all evening, so I thought I'd come say hello."

"As a member of ShinRa's Crisis Core?" he mused, not entirely shocked—their Crisis Core _would_ want to keep tabs on him.

"As a friend."

"You made it pretty clear we're not friends," Cloud reminded him.

"That was when I thought you were interested in Zack. A lot of time has gone by since then, and I can see I was wrong about you. If you were going to make a move, you would've by now."

Cloud quirked a brow. "And you conveniently decided this…tonight?"

"I decided it a few months ago, but we haven't run into each other. I know you avoid my apartment when I'm there, and it's not like I have your number."

"Zack does," he countered, trying not to scoff.

"He wouldn't give it to me," Luxiere responded, almost apologetically. "I did ask."

"…When?"

"Months ago."

"You know where I work. Pretty sure the number's public."

"I didn't want to make it about work," the man told him firmly. "If I had it my way, this wouldn't even be happening _here._ You're never at that bar when I stop by though, and I didn't know where else to find you."

"…You went to Seventh Heaven hoping to run into _me?"_ he asked, incredulous.

"Yeah. I should've known better—it was always on nights when you were with Zack. He's still worried about us arguing, so he probably steered you the other way when I told him where I'd be."

"Maybe he had the right idea," Cloud said slowly. A year ago he may have jumped on this opportunity, but now? He really didn't have any interest in trying to be friends with this man anymore. Not after hearing more and more about the shit Zack put up with on a regular basis. "I appreciate that you want to bury the hatchet, but I really don't see us spending time together without Zack around as a buffer. We don't exactly have anything else in common."

"Because I work for ShinRa?"

"No, that's—"

"We must have something in common if Zack can spend so much time with both of us," Luxiere ventured. It was close to déjà vu—hadn't Zack told him the same thing once upon a time? "If he can accept that I work here, I don't see why you can't."

Cloud had to bite back his first thought— _Zack's hoping you'll quit soon._ His friend had confided that hope in him privately, and he wasn't about to betray Zack's trust just to make a point.

"You and Zack have a lot of history," he settled on—vague, but true. "This isn't really an appropriate place to discuss our personal problems. I think Heidegger is about to speak, so I'm gonna see about getting a better seat."

"Wait," Luxiere rushed, grabbing Cloud's arm almost urgently. The blond tugged it away with a warning look. "Do you have a business card?"

Cloud frowned, but reached into the interior pocket of his suit jacket and pulled one out. Something told him he'd end up regretting it, but the number really was public, so it wasn't like Luxiere couldn't look it up anyway.

xxxxx

Sephiroth and Genesis had invited Angeal to join their relationship about six months ago.

It had caught Cloud off guard, to say the least. Angeal had gotten out of a short, whirlwind relationship just six months before that—right before Cloud had started working for the Midgar Post. He still remembered that night at Seventh Heaven when Genesis had gotten very handsy with Angeal, but when he asked his friends about it, he'd been told it was no big deal. Just sex.

Much like how Genesis and Sephiroth had invited Cloud to join them in bed once upon a time, they'd extended that same invitation to Angeal. They did the same thing with a variety of people from time to time, generally just for one night. Needless to say, it had gone much beyond that with Angeal, and he couldn't have been happier for them.

But he wasn't prepared for _this_.

"They invited me to move in," Angeal explained, a small smile on his face as he eyed Cloud from across the table.

They were having a somewhat rare dinner together, just the two of them. Between Angeal spending so much time with Genesis and Sephiroth, and Cloud tending to hang out with Zack most nights, it just didn't happen often. At best, it would be the two of them with at least one of the others.

"That's great news! Are you gonna do it?"

"Well, yes. But I wanted to talk about it with you first."

"With me?" he repeated, arching an eyebrow. "You're the happiest you've been since I've known you. Why would I…"

It dawned on him a moment later. Angeal moving meant they wouldn't be living together anymore.

"Oh," Cloud muttered, frowning a bit. "I mean, I'll miss having you here, but we'll still see each other. You don't have to worry about me."

"I spoke with the others, and we'd be happy to keep paying my half—"

"No! It's fine, I can afford this place alone," he insisted, racking over the numbers quickly in his head. He'd gotten another raise after his front page article on ShinRa's investor dinner—a scathing piece after they countered their dip in profits with a proposed new reactor. "I think you should go for it. You guys seem really happy."

"We are. It _does_ feel a little soon though," Angeal admitted. "I've been in plenty of relationships, but I've never gotten to the move in stage. Especially not so early in the relationship."

"Yeah, but you and Gen go way back," Cloud reminded him. As it turned out, there had been some mutual pining for _years_ , but the timing had never worked out between them. "And you and Seph, you guys have something special. You guys kinda balance Gen out."

Angeal laughed softly. "That's one way to put it."

"I'm just sad I won't have anyone to make my lunches."

"I can still—"

"I was kidding," he interjected, smiling fondly at his friend. "I actually do know how to cook, you know."

"I won't need to bring any of the furniture or anything."

Cloud blinked, not even having considered that. "You can take whatever you want—basically everything here is yours."

"It's not like they don't have a fully furnished house already."

"Yeah, but don't you want to add your own touches? I'm sure they'd be down with whatever you wanted to do," Cloud said, pleased when Angeal smiled. "I'll keep whatever you don't want, but don't just leave stuff specifically for me. I can afford to replace it."

"Okay," Angeal agreed with a nod. "Do you think you'd be interested in finding a roommate?"

"Uh, no," he promptly decided. "All my friends have places already, and I'm not looking to share an apartment with a stranger."

"You've never lived alone though."

"Now's as good a time as any," he replied with a shrug. "I've been feeling very grown up lately—I'm sure I can handle it."

"I suppose Zack's here most nights anyway."

Cloud arched a brow at Angeal's tone. "You don't have to beat around the bush. Just say it."

"He spends more nights here than he does in his own place lately."

"They've been arguing more the last few weeks," he revealed quietly. "It sounds like they're both holding out for the other to decide on a career change, but I don't think it's going to happen. I think they're both starting to realize."

"Do you think they'll break up?"

He wasn't quite sure how to answer. "I've been trying not to think about it. I feel bad hoping for it, you know? They've been together for a long time, and I just want Zack to be happy. Obviously something about Luxiere has made him happy all this time, so…"

"Have you told Zack how you feel about the situation?"

"It'd be kinda biased to tell him that he's holding out for something that's not gonna happen, or that I think they should break up," Cloud insisted. "I've just been trying to be supportive without being too specific."

"If he knew you were interested, I think it would be enough for him to decide to leave Luxiere."

His eyes went wide. This wasn't such a common subject anymore. Even _Genesis_ had given up trying to get him to confess his feelings for Zack, and Angeal had always agreed it would be an unfair thing to spring on Zack.

"I'm good right now. _Really_ good," Cloud said slowly. "I've got the best friends, an awesome job—apparently I've got my own apartment! Don't get me wrong, I think I'll always want more with Zack, but…I dunno. I don't want him to settle on me just because things are bad with Luxiere. I want him to want me just because."

"So you'd tell him if they broke up?"

"…Yeah, I think so—I wouldn't have a reason not to anymore. But even then, that doesn't mean we'd get together right away. He might not want to rush right into another serious relationship, and I don't think I could do casual with him after all this time. I'd want too much."

"I think by the time that relationship ends, he'll realize it's been over for a long time."

"I guess. Did I tell you Luxiere came up to me at that ShinRa dinner last week?"

"No, what happened?"

"He said he wants to be friends. That he's been trying to get ahold of me for months, but _Zack_ was keeping him away," Cloud explained, shaking his head.

"What'd Zack say?"

"He basically told me things were good—he'd stopped trying to get me and Luxiere in the same room a long time ago, and didn't see the need to change it now."

"So Luxiere was right."

He shrugged. "I guess, but I don't really blame Zack for wanting to keep us separated at this point. We already tried to do it the other way, and _he_ was the one who refused to give me a chance."

"It's a little odd he'd want to make amends now."

"I thought so too. Honestly, I thought he might just be saying that for work reasons," Cloud admitted.

Angeal nodded in understanding. "Maybe he wants to give you some incentive to write nice things about ShinRa. That could be why they requested you for the dinner—to give him a chance to lay the foundation."

"That's what I was thinking at first, but then he _called_ me," the blond revealed. "At work since I wouldn't give him my personal number."

"What'd he say?"

"He told me he feels like him and Zack are drifting. That he thought if he could put in some effort with me, it might help save their relationship since I'm 'important to Zack'. I didn't know what to say, so I told him I'd have to think about it."

"What'd Zack have to say about that?" Angeal responded, guessing correctly that Cloud had turned around and discussed the matter with his friend.

"He told me not to bother. Said the whole thing was suspicious, and he'd talk to Luxiere about it."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"It is, but…Luxiere sounded so beat up. I can't shake this feeling he really meant it—he really does want to do what he needs to do to fix things with Zack."

"Even if he does, it's not your responsibility to make it happen. You already went down that road and put in the effort—it's his fault things got to this point."

"I just don't want to get between them and then have Zack find out how I feel and think that I purposefully sabotaged them or something. I know it's probably crazy, but—"

"You've done more to keep them together than anyone, Cloud. If anything, you're sabotaging your own happiness by telling Zack what you think he wants to hear—telling him things could get better when they're obviously not."

A knock on the door distracted them both before Cloud could swirl back into his thoughts on the subject. Thankfully Angeal went to answer it, giving him the time he needed to compose himself.

"Is Cloud here?"

He spun around in his chair as he heard Zack's voice, a half smile already on his face until he saw the serious look on Zack's as he all but barged past Angeal.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, rising to his feet and taking a tentative step closer.

"Lux…" Zack looked down at his feet with a sigh, his eyes snapping back up when Cloud was directly in front of him. "I was talking to him about calling you, and all the weird shit he's been doing lately, and he…"

"He what?"

"He _proposed_ to me."

Cloud gaped at his friend, feeling the color draining from his face as the words crashed into him. "What'd you say?"

"That I needed time," Zack responded, raking a hand through his hair. "We've never even _talked_ about marriage before, but he kept saying he wants to fix things—that he made sure you could be at that dinner because he wanted to prove to me that he was willing to fight for us."

"Oh."

"Oh? I just told you my boyfriend proposed to me, and all you have to say is _oh?"_

"What do you want me to say?" Cloud asked, just a bit defensive.

"I dunno, I guess I was kinda hoping my best friend might have something more to say than that! You were the one who told me I should try hearing him out."

He opened his mouth, but couldn't bring himself to spit out a single positive word. Not this time. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Zack pressed, staring down helplessly at the blond.

"If you came here for a pep talk, it's not going to happen."

"I'm not hoping for anything specific, I just…when he asked, I panicked, and the next thing I knew I was here. I need you, Spike. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? I mean, we've been together all these years. I _believe_ him, you know? I think he really does wanna fix things."

"You told me you don't even really believe in marriage. That you just wanted to _be_ with someone without making a production of it."

"Yeah, but…this is like a grand gesture. It's proof that he's serious about wanting this to work."

"He's never going to leave ShinRa, and that's what causes half your arguments."

"A week ago I woulda said he'd never propose, but he did."

Unreal. Cloud could feel his head spinning, not sure how to make Zack see how crazy this was. "Do you even love him anymore?"

"Do I…?" Zack's expression was almost blank, eyes still locked onto Cloud's. "He's been everything to me all these years."

Cloud swallowed, unable to ignore the sting of that statement. "But do you love him?"

"I think so."

"It's a yes or no question, and it's not something you should have to think about at this point."

" _Yes,_ " Zack decided, throwing his hands up with a sigh. "I love him."

"And he's the one you see yourself with for years and years to come?"

"I…" He sighed again. "Yeah, he is."

"Then why are you _here?"_

"I told you, I panicked."

He was very nearly ready to pull his hair out in frustration. "The man you want to spend your life with _proposed,_ and your first thought was to come see me?"

"You're my best friend. I needed your opinion."

"No, Zack, you didn't. That's not why you're here."

"…What're you saying?"

"You came here hoping I'd talk you into marrying him—that I'd give you the same speech I've been giving you for months about how great you are, and how he'd be an idiot to let you go. How things could still get better."

"And you were right," Zack argued, adamant. "He wants things to get better."

"Things obviously aren't better between you if you needed to come here just to have me validate your decision. If it's not something you're sure about on your own, it's probably not a good idea."

"So you think I should wait, or you think I should break up with him?"

"I think you should ask yourself what _you_ want, and then make your own decision."

"What I want…" It wasn't a question, though Zack's eyes weren't lit up with understanding. "That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it?"

Cloud froze, feeling his entire world come to a halt with him. "What?"

"Do you really think I don't know?"

The way he asked was so soft—so simple. It was clear he meant exactly what Cloud had feared, and that got his heart rate going again. Zack knew. Zack had known for who knows how long, and Cloud? He didn't even know where to begin.

"Zack—"

"Is that what this is really about?" he asked—nothing accusatory in his voice. It was like he was trying to make sense of it, but the confusion in his gaze said he couldn't. "Is that why you're suddenly so against me working it out with him?"

"You don't even know what you're talking about," Cloud insisted. "That has _nothing_ to do with this."

"You're in love with me, and it has nothing to do with you telling me I shouldn't marry Lux?"

"If that's what you really think after all this time, then screw you. I put you and your relationship first every single day."

"I dunno _what_ to think, that's why I'm asking! Maybe if you'd just be honest with me—"

"I've always been honest with you!"

"Cloud…you've been lying to me all this time, and you _know_ it."

He folded his arms across his chest, too offended to be as upset as he was sure he should be. "I don't even know why you're here. It sounds like you've got it all figured out."

"I want you to _say_ it, Cloud. I'm sick of playing these games. Just tell me!"

"Fine. You want some honesty? He doesn't want to marry you, and you don't want to marry him. You're just trying to find a way to cling to each other because neither of you can accept that it's over. It's been over since the day you left ShinRa, and you're both too stubborn to admit it."

Zack stared at him, eyes heavy with disbelief. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Or maybe I'm just too in love with you to give you a real answer. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Cloud—"

"It doesn't even matter what I say. You've already decided," Cloud told him, shaking his head in defeat. "When Gen and Seph told you he was an asshole. When Ang told you that you just weren't compatible anymore—were they biased too? Because you had no problem ignoring them and listening to _me_ instead when I said they didn't know him like you did."

"Because you were the one who was right."

"Then why doesn't my opinion count now?" he snapped, ready to stomp his foot and throw an all out fit because this was too much. "You came here—you came to _me._ So, what? My opinion only counts when I'm telling you what you want to hear? Otherwise it's just me being selfish?"

"That's not what I said!" Zack shot back.

"I can't even believe this. You _knew._ All this time you knew, and you still…I've pushed harder than _anyone_ to keep you together, and you still think I'm putting myself first right now?" he asked, lost somewhere between stunned and outraged. "I didn't even tell you to leave him, I told you to _think._ Gaia forbid you decide something like this on your own!"

He stared at his friend for a long moment, hurt by his words, but needing some kind of reaction—whether it was an angry one, or an understanding one. It didn't even matter.

There was nothing though. Zack was just staring at him hard, opening his mouth repeatedly before deciding against saying a word. Go figure this was the one time Zack Fair didn't spit out whatever was on his mind.

"A lot just happened. This isn't the time to finish this conversation," Angeal said, stepping in closer. Cloud had already forgotten he was even there, and judging by the way Zack's head turned in surprise, so had he. "You both need to take a minute before someone says something they'll regret."

"Too late for that," Cloud replied with a bitter laugh. "I'm going to Tifa's. Do me a favor and don't be here when I get back."

Angeal frowned. "Cloud, I don't think—"

"I wasn't talking to you."

It wasn't meant to be cold, but when he saw the hurt on Angeal's face, he knew it came out that way. The apology was stuck in his throat, so he just shook his head and walked away, only stopping to grab his wallet on the way out.

xxxxx

Tifa didn't ask questions for a solid week.

Maybe she was used to it—regulars who suddenly started turning up more often. Cloud had seen it himself on more than one occasion, and even went out of his way to talk to them when he was still working at Seventh Heaven. Not that they didn't want the extra business, but it was important to make sure the customers were okay too.

And he wasn't. He wasn't okay.

It was easy to understand how people ended up drowning their sorrows in a bar—there were so many questions waiting everywhere else. Even his co-workers had noticed something was off, barely believing his _sorry, I've just been tired lately_ excuse.

Angeal had moved without moving, remaining behind even after most of his belongings were gone—insisting he wanted to be there when Cloud was ready to talk. Genesis and Sephiroth called every day too, but he wasn't ready to talk to them either. And Jess…she'd reached out a couple times, even dropping by the bar after being tipped off by Angeal about what happened.

She was probably the best person to open up to about all this, given that she'd been the shoulder he'd leaned on while he was sorting out his feelings, but he'd politely declined her help this time. How could he drag her down when she'd only just gotten the person she'd been after all this time? Her and Biggs had finally gotten together, and Jess deserved every uninterrupted minute of happiness she was getting.

Tifa though, she just raised a brow when he showed up several nights in a row. Her questions remained unspoken, lingering in the air between them as she acted as his bartender rather than his friend—like she knew that was what he needed, at least for a while. He could feel the walls closing in, sure it was only a matter of time before she got fed up and knocked some sense into him…

But maybe that was why he was there in the first place.

He didn't want anyone's sympathy—he wanted someone to be blunt and tell him he was being stupid. Ideally, he would've liked _Zack_ to be the one to tell him that, but they hadn't spoken or messaged even once since their argument.

"Do I need to say it?" Tifa asked, folding her arms on the bar and leaning forward as Cloud took what had become _his_ stool for the week.

"…Yeah, I think you do," he admitted, not quite able to meet her eyes yet.

She let out a short sigh. "I'm cutting you off."

"I haven't even had a drink yet tonight," Cloud joked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Tifa didn't think it was very funny, fixing him with a stern look. "You're the boss though."

"What's going on, Cloud?"

He glanced around tentatively, wondering just how many of Zack's co-workers were nearby. Not many yet, but Tifa seemed to notice what he was doing and gestured for him to follow her to the kitchen for some privacy. It still felt safe and familiar despite the fact he no longer worked there.

When he realized she wasn't going to ask twice, he just let it out, "I fucked up, Tif."

"I'm gonna need more than that. Is it work related, or personal?"

"Personal. It's…Zack and I kinda got into a fight," he said quietly, staring at the ground like it had personally offended him.

She wasn't having any of that. Her hand was on his chin, tilting his head up until their gazes locked. "I don't know what happened, but I know hanging out here every night won't help."

"You're not even gonna ask what the fight was about?"

"You know that I'll always be there for you. I just don't think that's the real reason you keep coming here. I'm not the one you need to talk to."

Cloud didn't nod, or move, or acknowledge her in any way even though he knew she was right. He just let it all sink in after a week of similar thoughts circling the surface.

"It's irrelevant anyway," she said, like it was that simple. "Whatever it was, you two are best friends. You'll work it out if you just try, Cloud."

"Luxiere proposed to him."

Tifa's eyes went wide at that. "What'd he say?"

"I don't even know," Cloud shrugged helplessly. "He told Luxiere he needed time to think about it, and then came to ask me what he should say, and I just…"

"Cloud," she whispered, pulling him in for a tight hug. "I thought you were just being stubborn. I didn't realize it was so serious."

"It's not as bad as you're thinking. I didn't freak out or tell him to say no or anything like that."

"But you wanted to?"

"I _really_ wanted to," he confirmed, holding her closer. "I told him I wasn't going to talk him into marrying anyone—that he should just want to on his own."

"That's perfectly reasonable. I think any of his friends would've told him the same thing or worse."

"Except I've been in their corner this whole time. He felt like I wasn't suddenly, and I guess he thought that was because…"

"Your feelings for him," Tifa guessed, shaking her head into his shoulder.

He just snorted, because really? Was it that obvious how he felt about Zack? Sure, Tifa had hinted at knowing, but that was a long time ago. Most people don't waste so much time pining hopelessly after a taken man. He would've thought his feelings were less obvious since he left the bar.

Apparently not. And if Tifa could still see right through him, of course Zack had been able to figure it out as well.

Tifa took the moment to pull back from the hug, holding up a finger before stepping out of the kitchen and leaving him there. He frowned but didn't question it—technically she _was_ working still, which meant she had plenty of other things to be doing. A moment later she reappeared though, handing Cloud a beer.

He arched a brow as he accepted. "I thought I was cut off."

"I changed my mind," she told him with a smile. "Just one tonight. Now c'mon. You said _you_ fucked up, but so far it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong."

"Didn't I? I've been trying so hard every time he needed to vent or wanted advice—I _always_ take a step back and look at it objectively instead of blurting out whatever I want. But this time I just…" He shook his head, defeated. "I let it get to me. I should've been more supportive."

"You were surprised. I'm sure he was too—proposals aren't an everyday occurrence."

"I didn't even know that he _knew_ how I felt. And then he just threw it in my face like that. Like I'd try to manipulate him into doing what _I_ wanted."

She reached out, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "I don't want to make excuses for anyone's bad behavior, but maybe cut the guy some slack. Zack's not the kind of person to dismiss _anyone's_ feelings, especially not yours. He wasn't thinking clearly, and neither were you."

"What if I can't fix it?"

"Cloud, honestly. You two are going to be _fine_. You're going to finish your beer, and then you're going to find him. This is the kind of conversation you need to have in person," she told him firmly. "You're going to apologize, and he is too. And if either of you screws it up, both of you come to _me_ so I can knock your heads together."

He laughed a bit—that was _exactly_ why he wanted to talk to Tifa about this. Anyone else would've told him to talk to Zack too, but they wouldn't have put everything in such plain terms and topped it off with a threat. She was serious too. A single gesture toward his bottle told him it was time to start drinking.

xxxxx

 _We need to talk_

Cloud scowled at his phone. Tifa had snatched it from him and got the ball rolling with Zack. Personally, he would've made it a question— _can we talk?_ But she'd made it a demand, and he wasn't sure how that would come across to Zack. Probably like he was angry still. The response he got though…

 _I'm at your door._

He'd been pushed from the bar before he even received it, and was already on his way home—he let Zack know he'd be there in a few as he began the short walk. Now he wished he'd talked Tifa into another drink or two, even if he knew it was best to approach this situation with a clear head. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through him though.

Was he nervous, anxious, excited? All of them? It was hard to know what to expect. This conversation could go so many ways…from everything being perfectly fine between them, to Zack saying he needed some space until Cloud got his shit together.

By the time he was walking up the stairs to get to his floor, he'd convinced himself he'd be dealing with an angry Zack—arms cross and expression stern. All wrong for someone so kind and lighthearted. Nothing could've prepared him to see Zack sitting with his back to the apartment door, head thrown back, eyes closed, and a bag on either side of him.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, announcing his arrival when Zack didn't budge.

Zack's eyes snapped open, looking up at Cloud. "Hey."

Cloud smiled a little, trying to hide his confusion. "Um. Let me unlock the door?"

"Yeah," Zack muttered, letting out a sigh as he rose to his feet and dusted off his jeans. He barely stepped away, giving Cloud just enough space to get in to unlock the door. "You smell like beer."

"I was at Seventh Heaven."

"Oh, right. Been there a lot lately?"

"Every day," Cloud confirmed, opening the door without looking back. "You know how Tifa is. It's not like she let me drink too much. I got cut off after one tonight."

"Good. I'd rather do this sober."

 _Do this…_ He grimaced, not liking the sound of that. Like it was a chore or hassle. Still, he forced himself to look at Zack, watching as his friend dropped the bags just inside the door. It looked like he wasn't going to get comfortable—he leaned against the closed door instead of headed toward the couch to sit, leaving Cloud frozen nearby.

"What's with the bags?" he asked tentatively.

There were more than a few things he'd left at Zack's place over time, and he hated to think that was what this was…Zack returning his belongings so he could walk away for good.

"No questions yet," Zack said, shaking his head. "You said we need to talk—you start."

Cloud silently cursed Tifa again for her poorly worded message, not quite sure where to begin. "I'm sorry I wasn't supportive," he ventured, heart sinking as Zack's hard stare didn't relent. "I should've told you to say yes. Or at least to stay with him, even if you don't want to get married."

"Why?"

"Because we're friends."

"That's the only reason?"

He let out a quiet sigh, still torn over the whole thing. "You've been together for years. There's gotta be a good reason—something that keeps you around even after all your arguments. You said he's the person you see yourself spending your life with, and that should've been enough for me to know it's what you wanted."

"I said that because you _pushed_ me to say it. You kept asking all these questions I didn't know the answers to, so I just picked the one that made the most sense after all this time."

"Doesn't mean it isn't true."

"Maybe," Zack conceded, shrugging. "That's not good enough, is it? You were right. It should've been easy to answer all those questions, but it wasn't."

Cloud didn't dare nod or acknowledge that. "Can I ask questions yet?"

"It's my stuff. Ang said he moved out, yeah?"

"Kind of. He moved all the stuff he's taking, but he's been hanging around in case…"

"Right," Zack muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I talked to him today and he said he'd be out for real now. Gave me his key and everything."

Cloud frowned. "His key?"

"Lux and I are taking some time apart. We're not…we didn't break up, but I need to figure out how I feel," Zack explained quietly. "Ang said I could probably stay here for now, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah. He left his bed and most the furniture," Cloud said, not wasting any time hesitating. "Why were you waiting outside the door if you had his key?"

"This is your place now. His permission doesn't count."

"Well, you can stay as long as you need."

"Thanks, Spike," Zack replied, so sincerely despite how disconnected he looked.

"…Are we okay?"

"We're gonna be," Zack promised, finally stepping further into the apartment. "This last week sucked. I wanted to call you every day, but I thought…I thought maybe it'd be easier if you had some time alone. And if you need more, I can find somewhere else to stay."

"I'm fine. I don't…Whatever you're thinking, it's not like that."

"What's it like then?"

"It's hard to explain. I don't…It's not like I wanted to break you and Lux up, okay? I'm not interested in stealing you away. I'm _fine_ with being your friend."

Zack grimaced. "I know. I didn't mean for it to come out that way—you didn't deserve that shit. I'm sorry."

"How'd you mean it then?"

"I didn't. I don't know why I even brought it up. Maybe I was deflecting. Didn't wanna listen to what you were saying because it was hitting home."

"Maybe?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice breaking a little. "I wouldn't…How you feel about me _matters,_ Spike. Just because I don't feel the same doesn't mean I don't care. I still love you. You're the best person in my life, and I feel like shit for everything I said that day."

Cloud forced a smile, like hearing those words confirmed didn't break his heart all over again. He'd _known_ Zack didn't feel the same way—all this time, he'd known. Time and time again he'd told his friends to back off because he was sure it was one sided, and they'd told him it wasn't…that Zack 'obviously' felt the same.

Now it was official. He'd been right all along.

"Remember the night I met Luxiere?" Cloud asked, staring at Zack's shoes intently.

"Yeah."

"I meant what I said. I don't see myself as a happily ever after kinda guy," he said, holding up a hand to cut Zack off before he could interject. "Not in a dramatic way, like if I can't have you I'll never have anyone. I thought that even before we met. It's hard to explain."

"Maybe just try? It's not like I'm gonna judge you."

Cloud thought it over before deciding to do just that—to try to explain. "I like most the things about being in a relationship, but I don't really wanna be in one."

"Isn't that kinda contradictory?"

"Maybe. I just don't feel like I'm missing out right now, being single. I've seen what relationships can do to people, and I don't know, it's kind of sad to me."

"What do you mean?"

"One of my first memories was when my dad left me and my mom. I was so young, but…I don't know, I can see it all clearly," Cloud said, annoyed by the surge of emotions he felt to this day about it. There was a reason he never told anyone this story—a reason he tried not to even _think_ about it. "My mom was devastated. I didn't really understand at the time, you know? I just knew he was gone and she was sad. We got through it together, but…she said something to me years later, and I guess it stuck."

"What'd she say?"

"The hardest part about losing him wasn't losing the relationship stuff—it wasn't the physical or romantic aspects. It was the friendship. And you know, I can't see myself ever being okay with that either. I'm not like you—I don't have an easy time making a dozen friends. The ones I have are too important to lose."

"You can't honestly think every relationship ends that badly, Spike."

"I don't," he agreed easily. "I can see Gen and Seph are in it for the long haul, and I know Angeal only makes that relationship stronger. Plenty of people have good, lasting relationships."

"And plenty of people break up and stay friends," Zack told him. "Me and Lux…even if it doesn't work out, I _know_ we'll still be in each other's lives. Maybe not as close as you and me, but he's been there for me through a lot of shit. It's not something you can walk away from that easily."

"Tell that to my dad."

"Spike…you wouldn't let something like that happen."

"I know. Why do you think I broke up with Gen all those years ago? It was getting to the point where I knew there was no turning back. I've seen Gen with his other exes. They're not friends."

"Gen probably dated some dramatic assholes back then. Of course they aren't friends. You're different. You shouldn't run away from your own happiness just because you're afraid of something that may or may not happen a few years down the line."

"I'm not unhappy though. I _like_ my life—aside from this last week, I'm the happiest I've been in years. And you know, that kinda proves my point, doesn't it? I was miserable while we weren't talking. Imagine if things were worse. Imagine if you weren't here right now, and things _weren't_ okay. I'd have lost you, and for what? Because some stupid feelings that I don't even want to have?"

"It's not stupid, Cloud. You've gotta believe me," Zack pleaded, moving in closer by the word. "How you feel _matters_ , and I'd never throw away our friendship over it. You're so important to me."

"I wish you were like everyone else. I wish when I saw you, I didn't feel anything that I wasn't supposed to."

"I wish we were in a situation where I could love you the way you love me."

"I don't," he decided, not seeing the point in imagining happier scenarios. It wasn't going to happen anyway, and it was well past time to come to terms with that. "It's better this way."

"How can you say that?" Zack asked, frowning deeply. Cloud just shook his head, not willing to say more—the pang in his throat was enough to warn him what would happen if he dared to speak again right now. "I could, you know. I could love you. I'm just fucked up right now, Spike. I need some time to get my shit together."

"Don't do that—don't put ideas in my head," Cloud warned, narrowing his eyes. "You're not helping anything."

"What if I did though? If I loved you, and you loved me, what then? You'd ignore it because you're afraid?"

"You really don't get it," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"Get what?"

"I'm not going to talk you _into_ loving me, Zack. It's the same thing I tried telling you about the stupid proposal. How you feel shouldn't be contingent on what I have to say about it!"

"Maybe you're not the only one who's scared, okay? I've been with him for _years._ I know things are shitty between me and him now—we're always fighting, and we don't have half as much in common anymore. But we've been together for so long. It's weird to imagine anything or anyone else."

"I'm not asking you to do that. I wasn't asking the other day either."

"I know. You're a good friend—I don't deserve you."

"I'm going to bed," Cloud said, sure he was about to say something else he'd regret if this kept going. "Let me know if you need anything—I don't know exactly what Angeal left in that room."

"Can't I sleep with you?"

Cloud laughed at the thought. Did Zack really think they'd jump right back into the platonic cuddling stage of their friendship? "That's a bad idea."

"Why? You said you were happy with how things were. I don't want you to think it all has to change now just because—"

"Maybe in a couple weeks or something," he relented, shaking his head. "Not now."

"…Okay. Mind if I make something to eat? I'm not tired yet."

"You don't have to ask," Cloud told him, soft and insistent. "You're not a guest—you live here until you decide otherwise. Help yourself to whatever."

"I really don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that—it's not true. I wouldn't be who I am today without you in my life. You're the best friend I could've ever asked for."

"Will you say it just one time?" Zack asked, just before Cloud could turn away.

"Say what?"

"You never said it. All this time I kinda guessed you might be into me, but I always wanted you to be the one to tell me. I never wanted to bring it up like that."

"It's too late to take it back. You said what you said, and I acknowledged it."

"Yeah, but it's not the same," Zack replied, looking far too determined. "You telling me that you don't _want_ to have feelings isn't the same either."

"Isn't it? Me saying I don't want them is also me confirming I have them."

"Please, Spike. I know it's selfish, but I need to hear you say it."

He inhaled a shaky breath, regretting it before he even let it out, "I love you."

"Thank you," Zack whispered, eyes not straying from Cloud's.

"Anytime," he joked awkwardly, relieved when Zack laughed.

That sound was a surefire way to ease the tension that had piled up between them.

xxxxx

There was nothing surprising about how seamlessly Zack's temporary move had gone. Maybe because he was around so often anyway, or maybe because everything between them was seamless—just like the way Zack had become a staple in his life from day one.

That didn't make it healthy though.

It almost felt like Zack had a point to prove—that knowing how Cloud felt didn't mean anything had to change. They started spending so much time together that _Sephiroth_ had called to warn him Genesis was getting offended that they hadn't been around in a while.

"I'm in over my head," Cloud admitted, shrugging as three pairs of eyes scrutinized him.

He'd finally gone over for dinner, choosing a night when Zack had to work late. They were happy to see him, but clearly not thrilled that it took so much to get him there.

"That's hardly an excuse," Genesis said with a sharp glare. "It's been far too long since we've seen you."

"It's not that I don't want to come over. I've just been distracted with Zack around all the time."

"He's more than welcome to join us," Angeal chimed in, his boyfriends quick to agree. "How long is he staying with you?"

Cloud shrugged. "As long as he needs. I don't think he's much closer to figuring things out with Luxiere. They went to lunch the other day, but he didn't wanna talk about it."

"Cloud, dear…please tell me you're not holding out for him to break it off with Luxiere."

"I'm not stupid, Gen," he scoffed. He knew he was pretty pathetic when it came to Zack, but really? Is that what his friends thought? "He already told me he doesn't feel the same way. That's not magically going to change even if they happen to break up."

"How can he not know yet?" Angeal asked, frowning deeply. "I would've thought he'd figure it out within a few days of being apart."

"He won't talk about it with me. I think because last time…well, you know," Cloud said quietly. "I told him I didn't mind listening, but he always says he's fine—that there's nothing to talk about."

His phone beeped as Angeal opened his mouth again, and he gave his friend an apologetic look before eyeing the message Zack sent him.

 _Are you gonna be out for a while?_

"Sounds like he's home," Cloud said, sending back a quick _yeah, doing dinner with the guys._

Genesis reached out, palm open in silent demand. There was no arguing with that look, so Cloud handed his phone over with an eye roll, sure that was what was being asked for. It _was_ a bit rude to be texting Zack when he saw Zack so often compared to these men.

"Be careful, dear," Genesis warned, a strange look in his eyes as he glanced down at the phone before setting it down by his plate. "You know I adore Zack, but I can't help feeling like you're growing too dependent on his company."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how are you going to feel when he leaves?" the redhead responded simply. "Even if they don't get back together, that doesn't mean he'll live with you indefinitely. You need to prepare yourself."

Cloud frowned. Did he really seem so fragile that he needed all these concerned stares? "I know he's not staying forever, but it's not like we won't be friends after he moves."

"What about when he begins seeing new people?" Sephiroth asked slowly.

 _That_ question hit hard, and was one he had been trying not to think about. One step at a time, really—Zack was still technically with Luxiere, so it wasn't an issue yet. No doubt it would hurt when that day came though.

"I'll deal with it when it happens," was the best he could come up with.

"Try not to cut us out," Angeal said softly.

"I don't on purpose."

"We know that," Sephiroth assured him.

"There's no need to avoid _everyone_ just because something happens with Zack," Genesis pressed, shaking his head.

"I needed time alone to think," Cloud said regretfully. "And then when we made up, I just…I'm sorry. I'm a shitty friend, you're right."

"That's not what I was implying. I only meant, I miss the days when you hid out in our house when you needed time to think. There's no need to hang around the bar instead."

"Last time I hid out here, you told me I needed to stop running from my problems."

Genesis sighed. "That was different. Nothing actually happened that time. I wouldn't have pressured you to talk to him or anyone else before you were ready, even if you'd come here after your last fight."

"Can we not talk about this?" Cloud asked, looking from one man to the next. "I'm okay now. I'm _going_ to be okay, even if something else happens."

"And you'll come to one of us if you're not?"

"I promise," he agreed, relieved to see Genesis nodding like he believed it. "Let's talk about _you._ How's everything going?"

"Since Angeal moved in?" Genesis clarified, arching a brow.

"In general—that too though," Cloud said, smiling as he caught Sephiroth and Angeal exchanging a cute look. "You all seem really happy together."

"We are," Sephiroth confirmed, a smile curling the corner of his mouth.

Angeal nodded in agreement. "It definitely feels like home already."

"I'm glad. You guys deserve it."

"The only thing that would make us happier is if we got to see our friends more often," Genesis added.

Cloud shot him a look, but nodded—clearly he was outnumbered and defeated on this subject. "I'll come more often."

"Bring Zack with you next time. He's not exactly exempt from all this—it's been far too long since we've seen him."

"We're going to your play next week," Cloud told him, perking Genesis up right away. "Maybe we can do dinner before? Make it a group thing?"

"That would be lovely. Which night is it?"

"Uh, I think our tickets are for Saturday? I'll have to double check."

"Do that. If it's Saturday, there's a cast and crew party afterward—that would be _perfect._ You can both join us of course," Genesis suggested with a growing smile. "There's someone I'd like you to meet, actually."

He arched a brow. "Oh?"

"Yes. My leading man. He's lovely, and I think you'd hit off—he's got quite the sense of adventure."

"Um," Cloud hesitated, not quite sure how to get out of this. He'd already agreed to go. "I don't mind going to make new friends, but that's it, okay? I don't want to be set up with anyone."

"We'll see."

"Gen, seriously," he groaned, looking to Sephiroth for help. He didn't offer any though, looking mildly amused as Cloud shifted his gaze to Angeal…who looked equally amused. "Come on, guys!"

"I'm just asking you to meet the man," Genesis said clearly. "I'm not setting you up by any means—all I ask is you keep an open mind."

"I can do that," he agreed tentatively.

"Good. Now, tell us about work—you've been doing well, yes?"

"Uh, yeah. Things are good. I'm getting a lot of offers," Cloud revealed with a smile. "They want to send me to cover new things—do more correspondent work."

"Is that something you enjoy?"

"I don't mind it on stuff I'm already covering. I don't really wanna be put on other events or day to day news though—I like the areas I'm focused on," Cloud explained. "And the blogging's fun too. I still don't get why mine's so popular. Apparently it's getting more views than the bloggers over at the Times now."

"Well, you _are_ interesting and witty," Genesis reminded him.

"You have a way with words," Sephiroth said in agreement. "I enjoy your blog."

Cloud's eyes widened. "You read it?"

"Of course."

For some reason, that was particularly flattering. "It's not even news. It's just opinion pieces and random stuff because my editor said people wanted to 'get to know me' better."

"Because they saw you on TV and thought you were adorable," Genesis concluded with a wink.

"I doubt it," he scoffed.

"Your success is likely why they want you to expand your coverage," Sephiroth informed him slowly. "I'm sure if you speak with your editor, you could keep the events you prefer still."

"I guess that wouldn't be terrible. It's just weird because I never wanted to do that, you know? I just wanted to hide behind a keyboard, not do correspondent work. Did I tell you Turk Broadcasting offered me a job a while back?"

Sephiroth arched a brow. "No, you didn't."

"I meant to ask you about it, but I kinda got impulsive and shot them down," he admitted, mildly apologetic. He couldn't _really_ be sorry—not when turning it down meant staying with the paper Sephiroth owned. "I wasn't really thrilled to get a job offer from a ShinRa. It was right around the time I covered that investor's dinner."

The first and last ShinRa event he'd been allowed to cover since—after his 'overly critical' piece, he'd been barred from their events and press conferences again (which had made for a fun blogging day, to say the least).

"It sounds suspicious," Angeal said, echoing his own thoughts on the subject.

"I can place some calls, if you'd like," Sephiroth offered. "There is a chance the offer was made in good faith, though I do agree it sounds suspicious."

"Nah, that's okay. I already turned it down, so it doesn't really matter now. I like where I'm at."

"It's not like ShinRa could outright offer you a job or pay you off," Angeal said, frowning deeply. "You'd never accept. An offer from the Turks sounds like a workaround to get you off their case."

Cloud snorted. There _had_ been a curious number of reporters at the Post who suddenly left to pursue other 'interests', or occasionally gotten a higher paid position at the Times, but he couldn't imagine giving in so easily himself. It wasn't a matter of money, it was a matter of principle.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of. They'll have to try harder if that was their big plan."

xxxxx

It turned out Genesis' leading man was Gongagan.

Cloud knew it was no coincidence as he shook hands with the man, who jokingly insisted he be called by his character's name—Katana. He'd looked at the cast list and discovered his real name already, but he was happy to play along calling him whatever because frankly, it didn't matter. They were only sharing a quick drink and a chat as far as he was concerned.

Did Genesis seriously think a plan like this was clever?

Sure, the man was undeniably attractive—and yeah, Cloud could see a _few_ similarities between 'Katana' and Zack. But he could see the differences even more clearly. Having a similar complexion or hairstyle didn't mean much when his eyes weren't lit up the same way, or when his jokes fell flat— _those_ were the types of things Cloud was looking for in a person.

"Hey, Spike," Zack said, appearing by his side out of nowhere.

He looked at his friend with relief, though he cocked a brow when an arm was slung around his shoulder. "Hey," he said, sipping at his drink. "This is Katana—the leading man. And this is Zack."

"Katana?" his friend repeated with a big smile. "Well, if that's what you'd rather go by, fine with me, man. Have you been in Midgar all this time?"

Cloud laughed to himself, because _of course_ they actually knew each other. He could see the recognition on Zack's face, and the way 'Katana' was studying Zack for a moment before it obviously hit him as well.

"Yeah, I left town when you were just a kid!" Katana responded, his own grin growing. "I'm surprised you remember me."

"Small town. Not many of us get outta there."

"True. What're you up to these days?"

"I'm with AVALANCHE," Zack answered easily. His grip on Cloud tightened a bit as the blond prepared to excuse himself, not wanting to intrude as they caught up. "Hey, it was good seeing you, but I've gotta steal Spike here—something came up. Awesome job tonight!"

"Thanks," Katana responded, raising his glass as Cloud muttered a goodbye.

And then Zack was steering him away, looking down curiously.

"What?" the blond asked, glancing up and catching his eyes.

"You've got a thing for Gongagans, huh?"

"Uh, no. Gen might've thought so though," he admitted, chuckling softly. Zack didn't think it was so funny. "He told me he wanted me to meet his leading man, but I didn't know why until I saw him without the costume and makeup."

"Yeah, but he's kinda old for you, isn't he?"

Cloud shrugged, not really caring either way. "I guess? We were just talking."

"I'm glad you have a type or whatever, but I don't think it's a good idea to just pick the first person you see," Zack continued, looking so genuinely concerned that Cloud couldn't even be bothered by what he was saying. "You should take your time picking out the right person."

"I don't have a type, and I'm not picking anyone. It was just a conversation," he reassured his friend.

"Yeah, but if Gen planned it, you know there's more to it. Bet he was told to ask you out or something. That's why Gen tried to keep me distracted."

Cloud very nearly laughed. "He tried to distract you?"

"Uh, yeah. The minute he took you to say hi to that guy, Seph and Ang suddenly wanted to introduce me to every single crew member here," Zack said, gesturing around.

The 'party' was a pretty packed gathering in the backstage area of the theatre, and there were definitely more crew members than cast members from this production.

"That's weird," Cloud mumbled.

"Yeah, he's not very subtle."

"Not what I meant," he replied with a shrug, gladly grabbing a new drink when they were finally by the beverage table. "It's weird that you cared. I was just saying hi."

"Yeah, but that's playing right into Gen's schemes," Zack complained, pouting a little as Cloud gave him a look. He actually agreed with Zack, but he wasn't about to say that. Not when Zack was acting weird about it for no good reason. "I'm just saying, if you wanna be set up, I could find you someone better."

"Okay," Cloud agreed, sipping at his drink.

"…Okay?" Zack repeated, quirking a brow.

"Yeah. I mean, if anyone knows what I like, it's you," he ventured, silently amused by the surprise on his friend's face.

"I thought you didn't like dating people you don't know?"

"I don't, but I thought a lot about what you said and I'm sick of being scared. I know it probably won't be easy, but…I don't know, I'm ready to put myself out there," Cloud said quietly. The truth was, talking to Zack about his father had been almost therapeutic. He'd been forced to think about things he hadn't considered in a very long time. "I've gotta try at least."

"Why so suddenly? I thought you were happy."

"There's nothing sudden about it. It's been _weeks_ since we talked about this. I'm still happy, I just…"

"Just what?"

"I'm sick of lying to myself. I don't _want_ to be alone anymore."

"Right. Uh, well," Zack said, hand on the back of his neck. "I know plenty of people, so, just give me a few days to narrow it down?"

"No rush."

Cloud continued to sip his drink, hiding his smile as Zack frowned around his own. Maybe Genesis wasn't so bad at this scheming thing after all. Not if the wink he'd given when their eyes met across the room said anything.

This plan was just as bad, now that Cloud could see it for what it was. It wasn't like Zack was jealous—he was just a bit protective, apparently. If anything, it was sweet that Zack thought he could find someone better.

Regardless, these games had to stop. "Do you wanna head out soon?"

"Yeah. It was fun, but I don't think this is really my scene."

"I'm gonna go say bye to the guys," Cloud said, Zack nodding before following Cloud to do the same. He spotted Angeal and Sephiroth first, looking at each other like they were the only two people in the room as they spoke to one another. If he weren't sure they'd be upset without a goodbye, he would've given them the privacy it looked like they wanted. "Hey. We're about to head out."

"Did you have fun?" Angeal asked, that kind smile on his face.

"Yeah," he and Zack said, almost simultaneously.

Sephiroth smiled a bit too. "Meet anyone interesting?"

"…The theatre crowd is always interesting," Cloud said carefully, face burning as he realized how intently he was being analyzed. He knew damn well what Sephiroth meant, but he didn't feel the need to be specific right now. "Maybe we can do something later this week? I wanna hear about your lesson."

"Lesson?" Zack asked, quirking a brow.

"Seph took up sword fighting again," Cloud said, surprised Zack didn't already know. "It was his first week back."

"Seriously? That's awesome! We still go every week—you shoulda said something!"

"I did not want to interfere with your time together," Sephiroth said simply.

"What he means is, he went with Gen who doesn't want anyone else to see him yet," Cloud clarified with a growing smile. "He's terrible."

"He made significant progress for a first lesson."

"Maybe once in a while we can go together," Zack suggested brightly. "Every few weeks or whatever."

"That'd be fun," Cloud agreed. "We're a lot better now—it'd be good to mix it up sometimes."

"I will let you know when Genesis feels comfortable then."

"What about you, Ang? Not your thing?" Zack asked curiously.

"It doesn't catch my interest," Angeal admitted. "I wouldn't mind coming to watch though."

"Maybe we can do dinner Wednesday, and figure out when's a good time for that," Cloud decided, looking up to Zack who nodded in agreement.

"Wednesday then," Sephiroth agreed. "Be sure to speak with Genesis before you leave. He's eager to hear your thoughts on the production."

Cloud tried not to roll his eyes. "I bet he is."

"He looks busy," Zack said, frowning. Cloud followed his gaze, not surprised to find Genesis already engaged in conversation with his leading man…and looking their way repeatedly. "Maybe we should give them some privacy. You can call him later to let him know it was great?"

"I don't think he'll let us off the hook if we don't tell him in person," Cloud replied, taking a step that way before Zack could try to talk him out of it.

Really, what was up with him? An arm was around Cloud's shoulder as they walked, and he could see Zack's smile was a bit strained as they made their approach. It almost made him wonder if there was more going on than Zack had been able to say. Maybe he knew something Cloud didn't—maybe Katana had been run out of Gongaga, or did something terrible.

It would've been so long ago though, and Zack wasn't the type to hold grudges.

"Cloud, dear! Are you enjoying yourself?"

"It's been a great night," he confirmed with a big smile, letting himself be pulled away from Zack and into Genesis' arms for a hug. "Really, the show was amazing, as always."

"Yeah, it was," Zack agreed, giving Genesis a quick hug as well. His smile looked a bit more genuine finally, but he only seemed to be addressing their mutual friend.

"We're about to head out," Cloud said, grimacing at the look Genesis gave him. "We made plans with Seph and Ang though—we're gonna come over to your place Wednesday night."

"Are we the only ones you made plans with?"

"Um, yeah. For now," he said, smiling awkwardly as he caught Katana's eyes. "It was nice to meet you. I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be here Monday."

Cloud's gaze flickered back to Genesis, confused. "Monday?"

"Morning auditions, remember?" the redhead asked, as if Cloud was _actually_ supposed to know what he was talking about. "You promised to sit in with me—for your blog."

"For my blog," he repeated, not liking where this was going.

"Don't tell me you changed your mind? I thought you wanted to help support the fine arts!"

"I, uh…Of course I want to help still," Cloud said, because why not? He was always looking for new blog topics—sitting in on some auditions couldn't hurt, even if it was obvious Genesis wanted more than some free publicity. "Text me the details again?"

"Sure thing, love. I'll see you both soon," Genesis said, shooing him and Zack away with a wink. "Take care, Zack!"

"See ya," Zack waved, jaw tense as they headed toward the exit.

Neither said a word, and it was immediately noticeable. It wasn't very often they fell into silence, and when they did, it was always comfortable—just as easy as their conversations. This wasn't the same, but he wasn't entirely sure what to say or how to break this particular silence. For once he had no idea what was going through Zack's head.

"Why'd you let Gen do that?" Zack asked finally, only after they were in his car.

"My boss asked me if I could cover more diverse topics for my blog," Cloud replied with a shrug. "It's a good opportunity, plus it'll help Gen out. I'll take a few quotes, maybe make a quick video—it'll be fun."

"Yeah, but he cornered you into it. He should've asked you in advance instead of putting you on the spot."

"I would've said yes if he'd asked in advance."

"You know he only asked because he wanted you to see—"

"Does it really matter?" he interjected. "It's a work visit. I'm not going to hang out."

"Promise you'll still let me set you up?"

Cloud smiled weakly. "Yeah, promise."

xxxxx

It was a well-known fact that ShinRa employees didn't come to the Midgar Post's main office—at least not for any good reason. Needless to say, when Luxiere strolled into Cloud's new office, he turned a few heads.

Cloud was just as surprised, not having seen Zack's kind-of-boyfriend since well before the move—and _wow._ The poor guy looked like shit. From the stress lines on his face, to the unstyled hair, to the rumpled shirt…this was not the same man he'd first met all that time ago.

"Hey. What can I do for you?" Cloud asked, leaning back in his chair tentatively.

He'd only just gotten his own office, and it was kind of tiny—basically it was the size of a cubicle, just private unlike his previous work area. There was a small computer desk, his chair, and a chair for a guest which…well, had never been used until now.

Luxiere filled the chair, not meeting Cloud's eyes as he sat. "Is Zack staying with you still?"

"Yeah," he answered, hoping that was okay. Zack hadn't sworn him to secrecy or anything, and as far as he knew, those two were talking at least once a week. "Did something happen?"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, definitely not," Cloud said honestly, arching a brow. "Why would you think that?"

"We got lunch yesterday, and I saw it…the lovebite on his neck. Last week we agreed it'd be okay to try hooking up with other people—see how we felt after. He wasn't ready to talk when I asked him about it. I just thought…"

Cloud felt the color draining from his face. He'd seen it too—the lovebite. Except he'd been sure it came from Luxiere, which made this conversation increasingly uncomfortable. "You thought it was me."

"You guys were always too close for my liking," Luxiere admitted, causing Cloud's heart to sink because now he _knew_ how pointless those concerns were all this time. "I can't decide if it's better or worse that he chose someone else."

 _Worse._ Cloud had no issue deciding that on the spot, but he kept the thought to himself. "Did you try with anyone?"

"Tried. I couldn't do it—I couldn't go past kissing," he said, shaking his head dismally. "I just miss him. I need him back."

"…Don't you have someone else you can talk to about this? We're not exactly friends."

"My friends don't like Zack. They don't _want_ me to work it out with him."

"You should talk directly to Zack then. If he's not ready to talk, make him listen instead."

"Why are you doing this—giving me good advice?" Luxiere questioned, finally meeting Cloud's stare head on. There were bags under his eyes, and it looked like he was on the brink of tears. "If you'd walked into my office a year back, I would've laughed you out of it."

"Honestly? I don't understand your relationship. You guys were at each other's throats nearly every day, and it made no sense to me. It still doesn't," Cloud said bluntly. "It would've been easier to just break up at this point, right?"

"You don't know the first thing—"

"Exactly. There's a reason you're both hanging on, and it's not something I need to know or understand," he concluded, returning Luxiere's glare. "I just want him to be happy."

"I want to make him happy."

 _You don't,_ Cloud thought, but he knew better than to say that. "Have you thought about leaving ShinRa? Because that's the source of half your problems. Your moral compass is pointing the opposite of his right now."

"…I can't do that. Zack wouldn't ask me to—he knows what my job means to me. It'd be better if he came back instead. I've been trying to tell him that, but he won't hear it."

"You know his job is just as important to him, right? It's not some temporary hobby."

Luxiere blinked, seemingly processing that statement slowly. "We're never going to work this out, are we?"

"That's not up to me."

"If he knew how you felt, he'd have left me a year ago."

"You're wrong," he muttered, eyes falling to his desk.

"I told him, you know—that you were in love with him. I'd get so mad every time he went to see you, and he'd just deny it over and over. I saw the way he lit up when I said it though. He might not have believed me, but he _wanted_ it to be true," Luxiere, shaking his head. He rose to his feet shakily, pulling a crumpled envelope from one of his back pockets. "I'm actually here on business."

"Oh?" He accepted the envelope, eyeing the official ShinRa logo skeptically. "Am I supposed to open it and see, or can you just tell me?"

"There are two offers—one is for some coverage on your blog," Luxiere explained dryly. "ShinRa's hosting a charity event we'd like you to mention, raising money to donate to the educational system in the slums. They're always short on books."

"Sounds like a nice cause," he admitted reluctantly, biting back the fact that ShinRa really didn't need to _raise_ money to make donations to good causes. He also chose not to mention how ShinRa's control over the city resulted in so many of the issues the people in the slums faced in the first place.

"What's the other offer?" Cloud asked instead, still undecided.

"Contact details for a job at the Times. An editor's position—you'd have more control over content than you do here."

He snorted. "So long as that content is in line with ShinRa's whims."

"I'm just the messenger. The specifics are listed in the envelope. You can call the number provided if you have additional questions."

"Right. I'll look into the charity event," he said, ignoring the other offer entirely.

Luxiere nodded as he stepped toward the door, opening it slowly. "I probably won't be seeing you around," he said, not turning back. "For what it's worth, you're not the shitty person I thought you were. I'm sorry I didn't give you a fair chance when it mattered."

And then he left, not waiting for a response. It turned out Luxiere wasn't as shitty of a person as Cloud had originally thought either. Maybe he wasn't the right person for Zack, but that didn't make him a bad person. Even if he worked at a bad company.

He eyed the envelope with a frown, putting it in his ever-growing request pile. His instinct was to shred it, but it couldn't hurt to run it by his editor first.

xxxxx

A gentle hand brushing hair from his forehead woke him, and he frowned almost right away. Why had he fallen asleep here? The last thing he remembered was stopping by to see Sephiroth after work, asking for his thoughts about the charity piece. His editor had thought it might be a good idea, so long as the coverage article included _all_ of the hard facts and statistics about the educational crisis in the slums.

But in order to gain a press pass to the event, he had to post a ShinRa approved flier on his blog ahead of time without any additional comments.

It was the kind of stipulation he wasn't comfortable with, which obviously had been intentional on ShinRa's part. Sephiroth had agreed it wasn't appropriate of them to make that kind of demand before reminding him that even though _he_ was barred from ShinRa events, other reporters at the Post would still be permitted to cover it…and somewhere in that reminder, he'd fallen asleep.

"'m sorry," he mumbled, jolting into an upright position. He'd curled into his friend's shoulder, and both of Sephiroth's boyfriends were home now, eyeing the two with amusement. "Haven't been sleeping well."

"I did not mind," Sephiroth assured him.

"Why haven't you been sleeping, dear?"

"I guess I'm just stressed. I went on a couple dates this week," he confessed, hand on the back of his neck.

Genesis' eyes lit up. "With who?"

"No one you know," Cloud responded quickly. Zack had made sure of that, though he had yet to set Cloud up like they'd planned. Instead he'd found someone on his own, which had been surprisingly easy. "There's this coffee shop I go to on the way to work most mornings, and one of the guys who works there asks me out from time to time. I decided to say yeah."

"You said a couple dates—were they both with the same person?" Angeal asked slowly.

He nodded. "Yeah. The first one was fun, so I figured why not. I'm not super into it yet, but he seems like a good guy. Funny, too."

"What did Zack say about it?"

"Zack…" Apparently went to hook up with some other person the last time Cloud was out on a date. That hurt too much to think about, let alone say out loud. "He didn't really say anything, just that he thought he could find me someone better."

"That's what he said about Katana," Genesis noted with a smug smirk.

"Yeah, but he's got a lot going on right now. He wasn't really making any progress, and I can't wait forever. Especially not now that he's…" _Hooking up with other people._

"Now that he's what?"

"It's like you guys said, he's going to move on. I need to be ready."

"Luxiere visited Cloud today," Sephiroth revealed, drawing a gasp from Genesis and a wide eyed look from Angeal.

"It sounded like he realized it's over," Cloud explained, sensing their unspoken questions. "I don't want to assume though. Zack told me he was going over to pick up more of his stuff tonight, so I guess we'll find out soon enough."

"Why don't you look pleased? Even if you can't have Zack, surely it's a good thing to have Luxiere out of the picture," Genesis said, frowning as Cloud scoffed. "What did I miss? He was rude to all of us."

"I kind of feel bad for the guy. He obviously loves Zack still. He looked really torn up about the whole thing."

"Oh, dear. Don't tell me you're trying to _empathize_ with that man," Genesis said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"What's wrong with that?"

"He's not in love with Zack—he's in love with the person Zack used to be," Angeal said carefully. "Zack and I've talked about this a lot lately. It's a lot more than just holding different jobs and beliefs."

Cloud hung his head, lost in thought. It had been a while since Zack had been willing to talk about these things with Cloud. While he was glad Zack still had someone to talk to, it was still a harsh reality—that their friendship really _had_ changed despite their efforts to act like everything was the same.

"Do you know about his, uh…recent activities?" Cloud asked slowly.

Angeal frowned deeply. "I didn't know he told you about that."

"About what?" Genesis asked, quirking a brow.

"He didn't. Luxiere saw something—he thought it was me," Cloud explained vaguely. "I put the rest together myself."

"He wanted to tell you, but he wasn't sure how. I told him it might be better to wait," Angeal revealed, which really didn't make Cloud feel any better. His best friend didn't know how to talk to him.

"What are you two talking about?" Genesis demanded, much more forcefully this time. "What activities?"

"He and Luxiere agreed it'd be okay to hook up with other people while they're sorting their shit out."

The wheels were clearly turning in Genesis' mind. "And he has?"

"Twice," Angeal confirmed with a grim nod.

"With the same person?" Cloud asked quietly—because why should Genesis get to be the only nosy one? Surely this affected him a lot more than anyone else present, even if it wasn't supposed to matter.

"No. Different men. He's not interested in them."

"And how many dates have you been on again?" Genesis asked, causing Cloud to roll his eyes. "Honestly! You shouldn't be so dismissive of the connections I'm making. I don't suppose the days line up?"

"They might," Angeal admitted, shrugging. "I didn't know about the dates, so I couldn't say."

At least one of them lined up, but Cloud hadn't even _known_ about the other. And even if it did…what did that even mean? That Zack wanted to go out and hook up with people, but felt bad so he chose to do it on nights when Cloud was busy? Or that he was relieved that Cloud was 'moving on' because it meant he could finally do what he'd been wanting to do for who knows how long?

"It would be best to avoid jumping to conclusions before you speak with Zack," Sephiroth told him.

"I may have a chat of my own with him as well," Genesis warned, shaking his head. "I love you both, but this is getting ridiculous. I won't stand by while you dance around each other for another year."

Cloud huffed quietly, but didn't object—there was no point when Genesis had that determined look on his face. The thing was, no one was dancing around anyone anymore. Zack had already made himself perfectly clear.


	4. Part Two, Cont

**Part Two, Continued**

* * *

"I can't believe you're still seeing Coffer Bar Carl," Zack grumbled, shaking his head.

Cloud had to bite his lower lip to refrain from snapping. It was like this _every_ time he told his friend he was going on a date, and it was starting to get old. Zack hadn't even really _met_ Carl, so what right did he have to comment?

"Don't act like you're not happy about it," he said instead, only a tad bit bitter.

"Why would I be happy about it?" Zack countered, hands on his hips. "He's all wrong for you—the guy's got no sense of adventure."

"He's a good person," Cloud argued, eyes narrowing. "And I meant you should be happy to have me out of your hair for the night."

Zack frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, it means I _know,_ Zack. So you can stop walking around on egg shells, okay? I'm well aware you go out and get laid every time I go on a date," Cloud told him flatly, averting his gaze as Zack's mouth hung open in surprise.

"How did you…Did Angeal tell you?"

That drew his gaze back up, hard as he eyed Zack. "No. I've known since the day you and Luxiere broke up."

And it had only become worse since then. It was an exaggeration, of course—Cloud had been dating quite a bit, and Zack didn't really go out every single time. But it was fairly often still, and frustrating to think about. Did Zack really think he was too fragile to tell?

It wasn't like he wasn't putting in the effort to move forward. Sure, his misplaced feelings hadn't faded, but the dates were supposed to be a step in the right direction. It wasn't like the date he'd forced himself to go on with Jess just to humor his friends—he was _really_ trying this time around.

And Zack, he wasn't helping with his sudden spree of negativity.

"You shoulda told me you knew. We could've talked about it sooner."

"I should've told _you?_ I'm not the one who went out of my way to keep it a secret."

"Spike…it's not like that. I just thought—"

"I get that you're not cool with my feelings for you, but I thought we were on the same page about wanting things to be the same between us. We used to tell each other everything."

"I thought it'd be better not to make a big deal about it. It's not like it means anything."

"I just thought…You know you can still talk to me about things like this, right? It doesn't have to be weird. I _know_ you're going to move on. It's not like I want you to be alone and miserable."

"This isn't about moving on, it's just about sex. I'm not ready for anything serious yet. Believe me, if I was, you'd be the first to know."

"Right, like I was the first to know about this," Cloud scoffed.

"If it mattered, I would've told you." Zack took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "I was with Lux for a long time, okay? And now I'm not. Now I'm alone, and I don't know what to do with myself. So, I'm sorry if I haven't been handling this all perfectly, but it's a lot for me. I'm trying to learn how to be on my own again, and it's a lot harder than I thought it'd be."

Cloud's hard stare softened midway through his friend's explanation, guilt setting in instead. "Zack…that's normal. It's a big change," he said, shifting where he stood. The sadness in Zack's eyes was difficult to witness. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm _glad_ things are over, you know? Lux and I just weren't good together—hadn't been for a long time. But it's still a lot. So much is changing for me, and _you…_ I need you right now, but I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to talk to you without sounding like an asshole."

"You don't sound like an asshole," he insisted, shaking his head. "And you won't. There's nothing you can say that will make me think that about you."

Zack stared at him for a long moment. "I don't want you to date right now."

And, okay. That was unexpected. Cloud quirked a brow, not sure where to begin. "What do my dates have to do with anything?"

"I get that you don't wanna be hung up on me, and I get that you're ready to really be with someone, but your timing sucks. It's been hard lately. I'm used to going home and having someone there, but now…it's easy to get lonely, you know? I'd rather hangout with you than go out or whatever, but you're off doing your own thing. And it's not like I can go to Ang and the others—I'm sick of hearing how Gen thinks breaking up is the best thing that could've happened to me."

"Zack, I—"

"I know," Zack interjected with a sigh. "I should be supporting you, not acting like a selfish asshole. That's why I didn't wanna say anything."

"No, I mean…you're right. You're going through a lot, and I haven't been there for you," he admitted quietly. "You didn't wanna talk about anything, so I thought you were fine."

"I _am_ fine. I'd just be better if I could spend more time with you."

Cloud nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. Let's be single then—both of us."

"You don't hafta do this, Spike. I don't wanna hold you back."

"You're not. I waited all this time to date, right? What's a few more months?" he ventured, shrugging when Zack didn't respond. "I'll cancel with Carl. We can hang out instead."

"He's probably on his way here already," Zack responded slowly.

"So? He's a nice guy. I'm sure he'll understand."

"Nah, Spike. Don't cancel tonight. Just maybe don't make plans for tomorrow?"

"Are you sure?"

Unsurprisingly, there was a knock on the door before Zack could answer—Carl, obviously. Cloud didn't look away from his friend though, still ready to do whatever was asked of him.

"I'm sure," Zack told him, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"Okay. Can you let him in then?" he asked quietly, already moving toward the bathroom. "I need a minute."

"Yeah, okay," Zack agreed, his smile obviously forced as he made his way to the door.

Cloud heard him greet Carl as he ducked into the bathroom, zoning them out as they started in on the small talk. There was a lot to think about, and not a lot of time to do it.

How was he supposed to get through this night now? Not only was he leaving Zack right after his friend confessed to struggling, he was basically leading Carl on as well. Carl who, out of all the dates he'd gone on, had been the one person Cloud had actually wanted to see more than once.

He should've known it was too soon. Not for himself, but for Zack. The way he tried stalled before setting Cloud up, and made so many offhand comments about the dates Cloud found for himself. The way he held back from talking about the breakup…It hadn't even occurred to him that Zack might be having a hard time with everything. Things had been so bad with Luxiere by the end, he'd assumed Zack was _happy_ with it being over—that the hookups were just his way of enjoying his newfound freedom.

Of course it wasn't that simple. Those two held onto each other even when they were miserable together. The entire relationship had become so unhealthy that neither probably knew how to act now that it was over. And instead of recognizing that, he'd gotten caught up in his own problems—caught up in his need to prove he could be happy with someone other than Zack.

What kind of a friend did that make him? There was a time not so long ago when they understood each other without words. Back then, Zack _never_ would've had to explain all this—he would've noticed right away.

"You can do this," he muttered to himself, splashing some water on his face.

He let out a long breath as he toweled himself dry, hoping he no longer looked quite as defeated as he felt. These last few weeks really had taken a lot out of him.

It was just one date. He'd been clear with Carl from the start that he was dating around—that he wasn't quite ready to seriously commit to anyone. If Carl was as kind as Cloud had come to believe, he would understand why they wouldn't be going out again anytime soon.

And Zack…Starting tomorrow, they'd fix all this. Their friendship was too important—they'd get it back to where it was. Cloud would be there to support Zack in his time of need, and everything would be fine.

He took another deep breath, exiting the bathroom with his head held high—he only had to remind himself that he could do this one more time as Zack and Carl's voices hit his ears.

"It's kind of a surprise," Carl was saying, enthusiasm clear in his tone. "He doesn't know what we're doing yet."

"He'll love it," Zack responded, not missing a beat. That made Cloud pause where he stood, curious what exactly they were discussing. Normally he and Carl just went to dinner or a movie or something—standard date stuff. If they were doing something special, this night would be a lot harder than he was prepared to handle. "What's with the bag?"

"Used coffee grinds from work. Cloud said he has a friend who's into gardening."

Cloud blinked, sure he had only mentioned that maybe once. "Yeah, Angeal," Zack said, sounding a bit taken aback as well. He was probably thinking the same thing as Cloud—that it was incredibly thoughtful for someone who Cloud was only seeing casually.

He forced his thoughts aside, but made no effort to stop his shameless eavesdropping.

"You work with him, right?" Carl asked curiously.

"Yeah, I do."

"Thought so. Cloud talks about you guys a lot. Mostly you, actually."

"We're close," Zack replied easily.

"Does he…talk about me?"

"We were talking about you before you got here."

"You know, he told me at the start he wasn't looking to get serious, but we've been at this for a while now," Carl said slowly. "I know he's been dating around, but I think I'm the only one he's gone out with more than once."

"Are you? I haven't been keeping track of everyone," Zack said, and Cloud could practically _see_ the bored shrug that accompanied his words.

"Oh, okay," Carl muttered, his disheartened tone bringing Cloud's guilt back in a hurry. "Do you think he'd want to be more exclusive?"

Zack _laughed,_ and if Cloud weren't trying to repair their friendship, he would've given his friend a solid whack for it. "You're asking the wrong dude."

"Yeah, but you've known him a lot longer than me. I don't want to ask yet if it's just going to freak him out. He's the kind of guy who'd be worth the way, you know?"

And that was too much. Cloud practically kicked himself for listening in so long, entering the living room before Zack had a chance to respond. Almost immediately both men noticed his entrance, their focus drawn from one another.

"Wow," Carl breathed, looking him up and down with a big grin. "You look great."

Zack's eyes trailed the blond as well, and _yeah._ His heart had already been racing anxiously from their conversation—the look on Zack's face now was doing nothing to help calm him back down. Neither was the slight nod, like he was silently agreeing with Carl's assessment.

"Thanks," he muttered, face red as he deliberately avoided Zack's eyes in favor of meeting Carl's. "You do, too."

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," he replied, a tight lipped smile as Carl reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. Finally he chanced a glance at Zack, the air between them so heavy still. "See you later."

It was almost a question, which had Zack nodding in confirmation. "I'll be here. Have fun, Spike."

xxxxx

A full month passed since his last date with Carl, and the topic hadn't come up even once. It was almost like it never happened—like there had never been any interruption in the time he was spending with Zack every day before and after work.

Well, other than the nights they spent over at their other friends' home. Genesis was still a stickler for making sure they saw each other every week, preferably more than once, which was a nice change of pace. Not to say he didn't enjoy spending time with _just_ Zack, it was just…

Now that Luxiere wasn't in the picture, Zack had a lot more free time and he seemed set on spending all of it with Cloud.

"He needs to get out more," Genesis noted, nodding toward Zack who was happily chatting away with Angeal by the built in bar in their friends' home.

Cloud was still at the table with Genesis and Sephiroth, not entirely shocked that one of them had already picked up on his inner dilemma. "That's what we're here for, right? He doesn't need to go out all the time to move on with his life."

"He's not _you,_ dear. You're happy with a small group of close friends," the redhead reminded him carefully. "Zack is more of a social butterfly than that. He and Luxiere went out quite often—dinners, dancing, bars. Always surrounded by other people, and that's not even including the time he spent with us."

"Yeah, but…he _wants_ to spend time with us. I didn't ask him to stop going out."

Genesis nodded knowingly. "Yes, he asked _you._ Peculiar, isn't it?"

"He needs his friends right now, not a bunch of strangers or acquaintances."

"And what do you need?"

"Me?" the blond asked, pointing to himself as if there were some confusion.

"We only wish to ensure you're also doing well," Sephiroth chimed in, his voice quiet.

"You're spending a lot of time with him."

Cloud shrugged, helpless. "That's not a bad thing. I mean, we're best friends."

"He lives with you," Genesis said, because apparently Cloud needed the reminder.

Sephiroth agreed, "It's not a conducive environment for you to move forward."

"Especially if he's asked you to stop dating."

He looked between them, masking the way he was shaking his head. "I hate dating anyway."

"I thought you liked that one fellow," Genesis argued, looking to Sephiroth for support.

"Carl, I believe," Sephiroth supplied easily.

Cloud just sighed. "He was the only one I _kind of_ liked. All the other dates were just uncomfortable."

"Surely you can spend a sufficient amount of time with Zack, _and_ see Carl from time to time. A weekly date is hardly a burden."

"It's not like it was serious yet," he grumbled, sighing at the looks he got for it.

"Yes, but by the time _Zack_ is ready to date, it could be—which is really the best case scenario here."

"Is that what this is about? You want me to move on before he does?" Cloud realized, too aware that he really _wouldn't_ be able to do that.

They were right.

Spending so much time with Zack only made him enjoy his friend's company more—far more than he was supposed to, even after being told his feelings were reciprocated. It was almost like the love confession never happened. There was no awkwardness in the air, no hesitation on Zack's side. It was just _normal_ between them. Better, even.

Without Luxiere in the picture, Zack was almost always in a better mood. No fights to unwind from, no problems to discuss. It was like his entire focus was on Cloud and whatever they were doing—especially now that Cloud was just as focused. Neither had any dates or hookups or anything to deal with.

He'd been skeptical at first, but it hadn't taken much to get past that. Zack just wasn't someone he could feel weird around, regardless of the circumstances. They'd quickly reverted to cuddling up on the couch while watching movies—Zack crashing out on his bed when they stayed up too late talking.

Everything was just so _good_ between them, and it wasn't worth giving up a minute of it for a few fun dates with anyone else.

So he admitted it, "That's not going to happen."

"He's going to move on, and when that happens, you're going to get hurt," Genesis warned, blunt as usual.

And all Cloud could do was nod. "I know."

"You were putting in an effort— _trying_ to move on," Genesis persisted. "It's not too late. You don't have to backtrack now when you were doing so well."

"Seph, please," he muttered, eyeing his silver haired friend for some help.

Sephiroth eyed him for a long minute before nodding. "He understands, Genesis."

"You're taking his side?" the redhead asked, indignant.

"I agree with you," Sephiroth clarified, a small, indulgent smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as Genesis pouted. "Cloud knows that already, and there is nothing left to say on the subject."

Genesis looked ready and willing to protest, but Zack and Angeal's laughter caught all their attention, booming as usual. They were on their way back to the table, drinks in hand—pleasantly unaware of the serious conversation that had taken place in their absence. Cloud had already put on his best smile as he caught Zack's eye.

xxxxx

If he hadn't known better, he would've thought he was on a date. From the tickets that had been bought for him, to the arm slung around his shoulder, to the enormous stuffed chocobo in his arms—won for him, of course. It was all very date-like.

He _did_ know better though. This was Zack. They were constantly spending one on one time together, sometimes being ridiculous goofballs, other times being told what an adorable couple they were by clueless outsiders. It never meant a thing, and he'd come to realize it was better to just have fun instead of worrying about all the details. It didn't matter _how_ he felt so long as he understood the situation for what it was—especially now, since Zack was still monopolizing his free time.

When word of Midgar's annual carnival had gotten out, they'd decided on the spot to go together every single night they could, and somehow each one was as fun as the last. Cloud already had a matching assortment of prizes his friend had won for him, and he was confident Zack would have his own collection as well if they came the next three nights as planned.

Because, let's be honest, Zack wasn't the only one good at carnival games. No way Cloud wouldn't be able to win several big prizes as well now that Zack had showed off sufficiently.

"You havin' fun, Spike?" Zack asked, gazing down curiously.

Cloud squeezed his chocobo a little closer to his chest as their eyes met. "Obviously. The only thing better than going to a carnival is—"

"Going every night it's in town," he finished, his wink bringing out a smile on the blond's face.

"And that's why we're best friends. No one else understands."

Zack hummed in agreement. "Yep. Ang told me I was crazy when I told him our plans for the week."

"Gen laughed in my face when I asked him to come along after turning down his dinner invite."

"You invited someone else to our special time?" his friend asked, face twisted in mock offense.

"Well, I kinda knew he'd say no on behalf of himself and his boyfriends," Cloud replied casually. "He has a thing about carnivals. We went together once."

"You and Gen?"

"Back when we were together," he confirmed, chuckling softly at the memory. "You know how I get motion sickness sometimes?"

"Yeah. Thought you had that under control now?"

"Mostly," Cloud replied, and a lot of that was due to the anti-nausea meds he took in preparation for long car rides or certain types of travel. "It was worse back then, so I was kinda worried about the whole carnival thing. Gen insisted we go though. Something about a romantic view of the city at the top of the Ferris wheel."

"No way…Did you throw up on him?" Zack asked, eyes wide and face amused like he was hoping for a _yes._

Unfortunately, Cloud had to disappoint, "No. He insisted I'd be fine, and I was. One of the kids who sat next to him on one of the other rides? Not so much."

Zack stopped right where he was standing, not caring about disrupting all the foot traffic going on around them as he laughed loudly. "That's awesome! I'd pay good money to see that."

"He's never been back since," Cloud finished, laughing along with Zack. The look on Genesis' face—it hadn't been very funny at the time, but now even the redhead himself looked back at the situation with an amused gleam in his eyes. "I promised him we'd go over sometime early next week, since we're doing this still."

"I still can't believe you and Gen used to be together," Zack said, shaking his head slowly as his laughter tapered off. "It's just weird to imagine, every time you mention it."

It was a little strange to think about now, when they were such good friends. Seeing Genesis with Sephiroth and Angeal…their relationship really had been a different time in both their lives. At the time it made a lot more sense.

"I think Gen could sweep anyone off their feet if he really set his mind to it," Cloud admitted with a fond smile. That was basically what happened. He couldn't have been more standoffish if he tried, but Genesis saw right through it all and persisted. "He's a good guy. I don't know where I'd be without him."

"Hopefully still here with me," Zack responded smoothly, pulling Cloud back from his memories with ease. His eyes were so intense—so focused. It brought out the worst in Cloud, as always, his heart rate spiking. "Did you ever get that Ferris wheel ride?"

"After some kid threw up on Gen's fancy boots?" Cloud snorted. "Definitely not."

"We're gonna have to do something about that then," he decided, slinging his arm back around Cloud's shoulder.

And just like that, they were off again, this time with an actual destination. One they'd purposefully avoided despite how frequently they'd been attending the carnival.

Cloud quirked a brow as he glanced up. "Didn't you say they were boring?"

That they were here to _have some fun,_ and Ferris wheels were _too slow paced for guys like us,_ if Cloud remembered correctly.

"I can't think of anywhere else in this whole place I'd rather be," Zack said, his grip a bit firmer around Cloud.

And, okay. The sunset, the lights, the way he was leaning into his friend—the way that the dozens of people around them suddenly seemed completely silent…None of their carnival trips had gone quite like this. Maybe it wasn't a date, and maybe his heart was beating too erratically. That was fine, he could handle it.

The important thing was, he was here. He was here with _Zack_ , and he didn't need to get to the top of the Ferris wheel to know there was nowhere else he'd rather be either.

xxxxx

The thing was, Genesis was usually right. As frustrating as he could be, he was an observant man with impeccable instincts. Sometimes it took a week to see his point, sometimes a month—sometimes it was immediate. It was basically inevitable no matter how long it took.

Maybe that was why Cloud hadn't even argued. He'd just accepted Genesis' warning as fact. There was no point in denying he hadn't gotten over Zack, and no point in denying he wouldn't by the time Zack was ready to move on.

Yet even still, knowing what would happen…He hadn't really been prepared. Instead he became complacent as the days rolled by, so pleased with the way their friendship had blossomed. Why sit around anticipating the worst when he could just enjoy what they had? Things were going well with work, with his friends, with _everything._ For once, he just wanted to let it be instead of second guessing.

It only took a single question to bring him back to reality, a full five months later.

"So, do you think it's time for me to put myself out there?" Zack asked, looking up at him with such genuine curiosity—like he _really_ wanted to hear what Cloud had to say.

"Um. Well, it's up to you," he responded, tentative. The pointed look he got for beating around the bush pushed him to elaborate. "You and Luxiere were over for a long time before things ended. It's definitely been long enough—it's just a matter of if you _want_ to start dating or be with someone seriously."

Zack nodded at that, taking his time to think it over. "I miss it. Not Luxiere, but being with someone. Don't get me wrong—these last few months have been awesome," he said, a big grin on his face. "I just think it'd be nice to have something more, you know?"

"Yeah," Cloud muttered with a tight lipped smile.

"Maybe we can date together? You were going out before all this," his friend said, gaining more and more enthusiasm by the second. He'd gone from lounging back on the couch to sitting upright, like he was ready to jump up and make this happen _now._ "You can find someone, I can find someone—we can double up!"

"Uh—"

"Maybe Coffee Bar Carl's free. He was kinda nice, yeah?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "You don't seriously think he's been waiting all this time, do you?"

"He said you were the kinda guy worth waiting for," Zack replied with a shrug. "He had a good point. I'm not saying he's definitely free, but maybe he's in between right now. Maybe he'd give it another go."

"Uh, I don't really think that's a good idea."

"What happened when you told him you were done?"

He eyed his friend for a long moment, wondering where this was even coming from. Zack hadn't asked a single question about Carl after their last date—he hadn't even _liked_ Carl as far as Cloud knew. There was always some coffee joke or sarcastic remark. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Spike, you are the best friend I could've ever asked for. You were finally ready to put yourself out there and be with someone, and you dropped it all in a heartbeat just because I asked."

"It's not like that," Cloud insisted, folding his arms across his chest as he sunk into his seat. "I didn't drop everything because—"

"I know. You did it because you're a good friend, not because you want me."

Cloud's heart jumped anxiously, not prepared for how casually Zack said that. "Yeah. It wasn't serious with Carl, it was just a few dates. I'd be a shitty friend if I chose to waste time over making sure you were doing okay."

"You're definitely not a shitty friend. If anything, that's me. I shouldn't have asked you to drop everything for me."

"You were in that relationship for _years._ Of course you needed a friend when you were finally out of it."

"Yeah, but you went above and beyond, Spike. You shouldn't have had to put your personal life on hold."

"It's already done. No point in talking about it now," Cloud said, shaking his head.

"What was it about Carl anyway?" Zack prompted, nudging him in the side. "You hated all those other dates."

"I don't know," he admitted slowly, having put a lot of thought into this already. "I guess it's just, I kind of knew him, you know? I go to that shop and talk to him every day, even now. Maybe we don't hang out, but he's not some random dude in a bar. It's just easier for me."

"I was a random dude in a bar," Zack mused, smiling a bit.

"Yeah, but it's not like I fell for you on the spot," Cloud responded, growing more and more uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed. "Maybe I _noticed_ you, but I wouldn't have gone out with you."

"Sure you wouldn't've," his friend teased, tacking on a wink. "You were leaving the next day."

Even after all this time it was impossible not to blush under Zack's intense stare. "I would've said no either way. I was a mess back then—it took me a long time to get my shit together."

"You weren't a mess, you just had a lot going on. Lots of decisions to make. And hey, you obviously made all the right ones—you're really something, you know?"

Cloud smiled a bit. "I guess."

"You are. You're doing something _good_ with your life—something you like that's reaching so many people. You deserve all the success you've had."

"Yeah," he agreed, having reached a point in his life where he could really believe it.

He worked hard, and stuck to his principles in an industry where it was usually more lucrative to look the other way or fall under ShinRa's payroll. Somehow he'd become increasingly well-known and respected despite carving his own path, and yeah, he felt good about that—confident, even. He'd come a long way from the uncertain college graduate he'd been when he first met Zack.

"I was a mess too, you know. Before I left ShinRa."

Cloud snorted. "A mess in a fancy suit, raking in all the gil."

"Yep. You definitely wouldn't have liked me back then."

"Depends. I wouldn't have looked twice if you were in your work clothes."

"Hey, I looked nice in those suits!"

No doubt that was true. "They practically scream ShinRa," Cloud explained with a shrug.

"Eh, that's not true. Look at Seph! He's got a whole closet filled with nice suits."

"I would've looked twice no matter _what_ he was wearing."

Zack chuckled softly. "Fair enough."

"My point is, you overlooked a lot when we first met. I would've done the same with you, even if you worked for ShinRa. Assuming you weren't a total asshole back then."

"Welllll, I wasn't the best person," Zack admitted slowly. Cloud pivoted where he sat, giving an encouraging nod for his friend to continue—it wasn't something they ever really discussed. All he knew was Zack regretted his ShinRa days. "I got with Lux when I was a sophomore in college and thought drinking every weekend was the best way to spend my free time."

"Oh," he mumbled, raking a hand through his hair. That wasn't something they talked about either, and it wasn't where he'd been expecting this conversation to go.

"Back then, my hobbies were more about social status than anything. I cared more about making as many friends as possible than I did about making lifelong ones. You, and Gen, and Ang, and Seph? You guys woulda hated that version of me," Zack said, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. "I kinda got stuck in that phase, even after I graduated. I wish I'd been more like you."

"Lost and pathetic?"

"You weren't pathetic. Lost though? Yeah, I wish I'd been lost," his friend insisted, adamantly this time. "I was too sure. Thought I had it all figured out—I'd go work for ShinRa, make tons of gil, never have to worry. That's all I wanted. All I cared about."

"That's obviously not true."

"It was. I wanted the big paycheck—the expensive restaurants and fancy parties. All with my perfect boyfriend who wanted all the same things. I was so sure that I didn't stop and let myself think about anything else, even when I'd outgrown all that."

"You had a plan and you stuck with it," Cloud concluded, a gentle smile on his face.

Zack nodded grimly. "I knew about ShinRa. All the rumors and talk about how they weren't the great company they made themselves out to be. I chose to ignore it."

"Lots of people do. That's how ShinRa operates—they make it worth your while to not read into what you're doing."

"Until you're in too deep. There's no ignoring it at that point. You either accept it and move up in the company, or you don't." Zack closed his eyes, shaking his head at some unspoken memory.

"You didn't."

"No, I didn't. But if I _had,_ there would've been no turning back. They don't just let people go at that point."

Cloud's fists were clenched much the same way they were when he'd first heard about this particular business practice—one he'd never been able to prove, but one he was sure existed. "You got out. There's no point in thinking about what might've happened."

"I know. It just makes me mad to think that I let it go that far. I'd known for a while what was really up—how bad the reactors were, and how ShinRa went about getting local approval to build them. But I had a _plan._ I had Lux, and I just…I didn't want to lose everything."

"Is that why…"

"Go ahead," Zack urged, meeting Cloud's eyes. "You can ask me anything."

"Is that why you stayed with Luxiere even after you left ShinRa?"

"Kind of. I mean, I knew it'd be a problem when I quit. All the stuff that was a phase for me was _it_ for him, if that makes sense," he explained carefully. "I wasn't the same person anymore, but he was. Everything changing, and I guess I just wanted to hold onto something familiar."

Cloud nodded in understanding. "It makes sense. You were together for a long time."

"Yeah, but it was never gonna work. All those fights? We were trying to change each other. He wanted the guy he fell in love with back, and I wanted him to wake up the way that I had. Doesn't make much sense, does it? Clinging to something familiar, but wanting it to change."

"It _does_ make sense," Cloud assured him, reaching out to rub his back.

"Yeah, well. I'm over it now," Zack said, his usual confidence returning. "I feel like I'm really done now, you know? He was tying me to the past, and now it's time to move forward—find someone who loves _this_ version of me."

Cloud couldn't bring himself to respond to that, so instead he just smiled and nodded.

"I actually think I might've found someone," he continued, mirroring the smile. "There's this guy at work—Adam. He's kinda hinted he might be interested, but I was never really up for it."

"And now you are."

"Yep. So what do you think?" Zack asked, giving Cloud another swift elbow to the side.

"Uh, about Adam? I've never met him, but if you—"

"No, I mean about doubling up! Think you can find a date by, let's say, Friday?"

Zack was so serious that Cloud couldn't even bring himself to groan—couldn't even bring himself to be frustrated. Instead he found himself nodding like it was no big deal at all, almost helplessly. "Yeah, I can."

"Really?" his friend asked, practically beaming now.

"Uh, yeah. You're not the only one who's had people hinting that they might be interested."

"Well, _yeah._ You're perfect—bet people are lining up for you. I just meant is there anyone you'd actually wanna say yes to?"

How could he say no? It wasn't his potential dates he was saying yes to, it was _Zack._ "I'll find someone."

"I'll talk to Adam tomorrow then. We can all grab dinner or something Friday night."

"Sounds fun," Cloud replied automatically.

Apparently Zack was too happy to notice that he hadn't quite meant what he said. It really didn't sound fun at all. Every instinct in his body was telling him this was it—this was the moment Genesis had warned him about. This wouldn't just be some fling or rebound, and it sucked.

Zack wanted to move on, and unlike Cloud, he was going to succeed with ease.

xxxxx

"And then he showed me the tickets, and I just—" Zack cut himself off, seemingly realizing that he was rambling. Even over the phone it was like he could sense the bemused look on Cloud's face. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize."

Zack let out a disgruntled sigh. "Yeah, I do."

"So you're going then," Cloud assumed, the long pause all the confirmation he needed to make his heart sink.

"If it was something we could reschedule, I would, but you know it's this weekend only," Zack explained apologetically.

And Cloud couldn't argue with that. They'd been trying to get tickets to go together, but the convention had been sold out for weeks. It wasn't every day the world's leading mako expert took a break from his research to come to the city to speak. AVALANCHE was making an event of it, and one that not even all its employees would be able to attend. It had basically become a fundraiser of sorts, with tickets being sold on a first come, first serve basis.

He and Zack hadn't been able to get any despite their plans to go together. Instead they'd made plans to go away for the weekend, just the two of them—camping since it had been far too long since they'd done that. They'd hear all about everything they missed by Monday, or so they'd convinced themselves.

But of course _Adam_ had been able to secure tickets. He'd been with AVALANCHE for years, and had more than a few connections. There were press passes available as well, but Cloud had already turned down his opportunity to cover the event in favor of hanging out with Zack.

Yeah. He was only a little bitter now. "It's fine. We can go another time."

"Yeah, but half the reason we were going was so we wouldn't have to think about what we were missing."

The other half was because ever since Zack had started seeing Adam…well, he'd been seeing Adam. They went from casually dating to boyfriends in record time, and couldn't seem to get enough of each other. It turned out, Adam was a pretty great guy—handsome, kind, and surprisingly funny. He was much easier to get along with than Luxiere, which probably should've been a good thing considering the number of double dates Zack had convinced Cloud to attend.

Honestly though, it would've been a lot easier to just hate the guy. Instead he was just reminded time and time again how good things were going with Zack's new relationship, and how crappy his own dates were going.

"It's not like I can't make other plans," Cloud said slowly. Bitter or not, he really didn't want his friend to feel bad about bailing. It would be at least two years before an event like this came around again, and he knew damn well how badly Zack wanted to be there. "It's not a big deal."

"It _is_ a big deal, and I promise I'll make it up to you. I know we haven't been spending much time together lately, and I think I've got a plan to fix that."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you about it tonight?"

The _okay_ was on the tip of his tongue before he remembered, "I've got plans already."

"You do?"

Cloud was almost offended by how surprised his friend sounded. Was it so hard to believe he had a life outside their friendship? They _had_ become a bit dependent on each other's company, but that was only after Zack's breakup. Before that, Cloud went out with his other friends fairly often, especially when Zack was out with Luxiere.

"I made plans with Jess," Cloud explained, déjà vu hitting him. "Didn't we talk about this yesterday?"

"Oh yeah," his friend said, sighing. "I forgot. Maybe we can talk after? I'll probly be up still when you get home."

"Okay. Don't wait up though—I don't know how late it'll be, and we can always talk tomorrow. We can meet for lunch maybe?"

"I'm doing lunch with Adam tomorrow," Zack responded, almost sounding as disappointed as Cloud felt. "Dinner?"

Cloud frowned. "We already have dinner plans. Ang wanted to test out his fancy, new eco-friendly grill, remember?"

"Shit, that's tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he replied, sure of it. And then Zack would be busy with the convention for two days. "I'm sure we can figure something out. We _live_ together."

There was a short pause. "Yeah, you're right. We'll figure it out. I bet you'll be home early tonight anyway."

"I doubt it. I haven't seen Jess in a while," Cloud reminded his friend, brows furrowed. Zack's tone was weird, _again._ "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just…I dunno. I was looking forward to this weekend."

 _Me too,_ Cloud thought, but he didn't bother saying that. "You still are."

"You know what I mean," Zack grumbled, and the blond could practically _see_ him raking a hand through his hair the way he always did when he was frustrated.

"Not really." Because for once, he really didn't and he was too dejected to try to figure it out. He eyed the time on his computer, his stomach growling. They'd spent nearly his entire lunch break talking, and he had yet to actually eat. Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal, but he had an interview scheduled after, which meant no eating as he worked. "Hey, I need to get some food. I'll text you later?"

"Spike, I—" Zack cut himself off with another sigh. "Okay. Later."

Cloud muttered his goodbye before hanging up, wondering to himself how this had happened—how their friendship had become stronger than ever only to weaken so drastically in a fraction of the time.

xxxxx

Tuesdays. That was Zack's big plan. Cloud hadn't made it back in time to discuss it with Zack after his night out with Jess, but they'd crossed paths a few mornings later only for him to be disappointed by the big reveal. Their schedules just weren't lining up anymore, but apparently Zack was consistently free on at least that one evening each week.

It wasn't ideal for Cloud, but he made himself available as well.

"Remember when we used to see each other more than once a week?" Cloud asked, their third Tuesday in. They'd settled on staying in this time—takeout and movies. It was hard to keep pretending things were normal though, no matter how routine their plans were.

Zack chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah. We're gonna have to work on that."

"I'm surprised Gen's letting you get away with it."

"He's not."

"Oh? Do you go see them on Wedesdays?" Cloud asked, only half-joking.

"I, uh. I grab lunch with Ang when Seph or Gen come by," Zack admitted uneasily.

Cloud arched a brow. "That's gotta be three times a week." Once separately, and once together. He remembered hearing about that—how seamlessly Genesis and Sephiroth had integrated Angeal into their routine.

"At least, yeah."

"I thought you and Adam did lunch most days," he said—because hadn't Zack told him that when he asked about _them_ doing lunch together?

"Adam comes with us when he's free. He and Ang go way back."

Right. Because they'd both been with AVALANCHE for so long. Cloud nodded as he processed that, trying his best not to be offended. But why shouldn't he be? He was friends with Angeal and his boyfriends—he'd met Adam on more than one occasion. Why wouldn't he be able to join them on the days he was available as well?

"We're launching new programs," Zack said, eyes raking over Cloud's features like he could see every worry. "A lot of the time, we get called back to work early. I wouldn't want you to go out of your way for nothing."

"But it's okay for Seph or Gen to come for nothing."

"No, Ang stays with them. He's not working on the new programs, he has his own."

Cloud's frown deepened. It wasn't like he'd mind staying with just them—he went out of his way to go to their house most nights since Zack was virtually never available. Granted, he understood if Angeal wanted to spend some alone time with his boyfriends, but…surely that wasn't their intention if they invited Zack and Adam.

Why hadn't _they_ mentioned these lunches?

Probably out of some misplaced notion that he needed to be protected—that he couldn't handle seeing Zack with Adam. They'd all expressed their sympathies already, as well as their _I told you so's_ and _at least he's happy's,_ plus every other pointless platitude imaginable. He thought he'd done a gracious job reassuring them he was fine in return. At reassuring them he was actively trying to move on as well.

Apparently he hadn't been convincing despite the fact he genuinely meant it. Sure, it wasn't an overnight process, but he could see this was how it was going to be—that Zack and Adam were good together. That if he truly wanted those same things for himself, he needed to look elsewhere no matter how hard it was. _Really_ look instead of wasting more time on people he knew he wouldn't want to see twice.

"You know I'm happy for you, right?" Cloud asked, finally meeting Zack's gaze again.

"Of course," Zack responded, tilting his head. "I don't know why you're saying it out of the blue, but I know."

"I don't know, I guess it's just something I never really told you. I think Adam's a great guy."

"Yeah, he is," his friend agreed with a small smile. "Thanks, Spike."

"You don't have to _thank_ me. We're friends. I'll always be cheering for you, even if I don't say it enough."

Zack's smile only grew at that. "I'm doing the same for you. How's…Dan, was it?"

"Eh. Not great," Cloud replied, shrugging indifferently. "Turns out he's pro-ShinRa."

"Didn't you go out on three dates with him?"

"Just the one actually. Once we really got talking, it didn't end well. I'm all about a good debate, but I couldn't actually be with someone like him," he explained simply. "There're some things I can't compromise on, you know?"

Zack nodded gravely. "Yeah. I definitely get that."

Of course he did. Luxiere. Cloud groaned inwardly. "Sorry. That was a dumb thing to say."

"Nah, it's cool. I swear it was three dates though."

"It was, just not with Dan," he clarified. "I kinda had this epiphany last week—I've been going for all the wrong people. Figured it was time to go out with someone I can actually see myself with."

Zack blinked in surprise. "And you found that person?"

"Yeah, actually," Cloud admitted, shifting uncomfortably where he sat. He'd been looking forward to telling Zack, but that was before his friend was eyeing him so intensely. "Carl."

It took a moment before the recognition washed over Zack's features. "Coffee Bar Carl?"

"The one and only," he replied with a quick laugh. "He was on break one of the days I went in last week, and I had time to kill before going to the office, so we got to talking. Turns out he'd been seeing someone for the last couple months, but they broke up."

"Oh?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah. Nothing big, it just wasn't working."

"And then he asked you out again?" Zack asked with a frown.

"Not exactly. When I told him I didn't wanna keep doing the dating thing, he basically told me it was cool—that he wanted more than I was willing to offer anyway," Cloud explained, remembering the conversation he'd overheard between Carl and Zack, and how awkward he'd felt on the date that followed. "He told me if I ever changed my mind, I'd have to be the one to ask him out instead—but that I shouldn't bother unless I was ready to commit."

Zack's mouth hung open slightly, but he didn't say anything. Instead he reached out for some of the chips they had on the coffee table, washing them down with a sip of beer.

"If you wanna crack a coffee joke, go ahead," he muttered, biting back a sigh.

"I don't," Zack insisted, hand up defensively. "Carl's a nice dude. Really thoughtful."

"He is. I was kind of afraid to ask him out after everything, but I remembered what we talked about—when you asked what was different about him. He's just a really good guy. He even said he understands friends come first in a situation like we were in before."

Both Zack's brows shot up. "You told him about that?"

"Yeah. I figured he deserved to know I didn't just blow him off for no good reason."

"So you're serious about him this time?"

"I want to be. He's the only one I'm seeing—the only one I've connected with all this time. It feels right," Cloud said, a tiny smile pulling on the corner of his mouth.

Zack nodded a few times, sipping casually on his drink. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Uh," he paused there, grabbing his own drink and downing a quick sip. As happy as he was about the Carl situation, he wasn't nearly as thrilled about how things were going with Zack lately. "Kinda hard when I only see you Tuesdays."

"Has it been less than a week since you worked it out with him?"

"Yeah. I asked him out last Wednesday," Cloud replied, not bothering to remind Zack that would've been their sparring night if Zack hadn't cancelled on him _again._ "We've only gone out twice since. I texted you."

"And I assumed it was Dan again."

"Apparently," he agreed, laughing softly at the thought. That guy really had been awful.

"So Carl's your boyfriend?"

Cloud shrugged, Zack's responses feeling more and more like an interrogation by the question. "We didn't really have that talk—just that we're keeping things exclusive between us this time."

Zack paused for a moment before clinking his bottle with Cloud's. "Guess it's my turn to say I'm happy for you too, then."

For some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling Zack didn't quite mean it…but he smiled anyway, willing to let it go for now. If they were only going to hangout once a week, he wanted to spend that time having fun—not worrying or stressing out over nothing.

xxxxx

Cloud looked from Angeal to Sephiroth, waiting for one of them to take his side. Waiting for one of them to take a stand against Genesis and his crazy opinions because one of them _always_ did.

Maybe they loved the redhead, but that didn't mean they stood by every single thing that came out of his mouth. In fact, that was one of the things _Genesis_ loved about his boyfriends. A conversation he'd had with Cloud on more than one occasion, explaining the intricacies of how long term relationships really work. It wasn't all about agreeing or placating. It was about mutual respect and open communication.

Yet for some reason, neither of them were stepping up this time. Instead they were just shaking their heads, amused by the desperate way Cloud was eyeing them.

"It's platonic!" Cloud exclaimed, groaning in defeat.

"You have to see things from Carl's perspective," Genesis told him, _tsking_ like Cloud had learned nothing from all their long talks. Maybe he hadn't. This relationship stuff was a lot harder than he remembered, not that he had much experience. "If I walked in on you lying in bed with Angeal, I'd be fine with it—I know you both, trust you both, and I've had detailed conversations with Angeal about what we're each comfortable with in this relationship. Cuddling with known friends is perfectly acceptable."

All he seemed to hear was the last bit—the bit he'd been waiting for. "Exactly!"

"Exactly? You've yet to discuss _any_ of this with Carl. He's only met Zack once or twice. If I were him and I knew you and Zack were sharing a bed at night, I'd be livid. As it happens, I'm sure he doesn't have my temper, but still. He must be understandably concerned."

"But…we're not doing anything wrong," he insisted firmly.

"All I'm saying is, you and Carl ought to have a talk. Discuss your boundaries. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? It sounds like the only talk you've had is one where you stated you were exclusively together."

He shook his head just as insistently. "If things were reversed, I'd _ask_ him about the person, listen to his answer, and believe him. No big deal."

"Did he not believe you?" Sephiroth asked curiously.

"Um." Cloud frowned, hand on the back of his neck. "It's not that he didn't believe me, it's just…he's weird about Zack. He says he likes him, but whenever I talk about the stuff we do together, he gets really quiet."

The three exchanged a quick look, Angeal jumping in next, "Does he know about your feelings for Zack?"

"Why does that even matter? I'm with Carl. We agreed not to see other people, and I'd never go back on that. I'm not that kind of person. Anything that happens with Zack is platonic—it's _always_ been platonic. Even I'm not stupid enough to read into it any more than that."

"We know that," Genesis said, adding one of his dramatic eye rolls. "Carl obviously doesn't, and I can't say I blame him. Your face is an open book when it comes to how you feel about Zack."

"Well, he needs to trust me," Cloud shot back, only to find all three shaking their heads. "Are you serious?"

"Relationships work both ways," Angeal explained with a kind smile. "Yes, he should trust you, but you need to be open with him too."

Sephiroth nodded in agreement. "Perhaps a compromise is in order."

"I barely see Zack anymore. I'm not going to cut him off for anyone—not even Carl."

"No one's saying you should," Genesis told him. "Sephiroth has a point. Maybe falling asleep on the couch with your friend is acceptable, but cuddling in bed overnight isn't."

"But—"

"Do you truly think he's being unreasonable?"

Cloud let out a dejected sigh. "No," he admitted.

The fact was, he _did_ still have strong feelings for Zack, and he was beginning to think he always would. The cuddling was nothing more than just that though—cuddling. Even now, when they barely saw each other outside of the times Zack stumbled into his room in the middle of the night.

Of course, he understood why it looked odd to Carl. Once upon a time he'd expressed the same concerns to Zack, worried how _Luxiere_ might feel about their friendly habits. It'd be hypocritical to pretend those same concerns were invalid coming from another person in another situation.

Gaia, he really was bad at this relationship stuff. Instead of trying to understand his boyfriend, he'd immediately jumped right into denial, readying every excuse and explanation he had. Turning it into a bigger deal than it really was. Why did everything relating to Zack make him so _crazy?_

"What did he actually have to say about it? How'd he even find out?" Angeal pressed, warm eyes filled with simple curiosities.

"I kinda _told_ him. It didn't even occur to me that it would be an issue," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I was going for coffee this morning, he mentioned I looked kind of tired, and I said it was probably because Zack woke me up again."

"Again?" Sephiroth repeated, much like Carl had.

"Again. We…we haven't been seeing each other much. Ever since he and Adam got together, he's been really busy," Cloud explained slowly. "Tuesday nights were our thing—the one day he was sure his schedule would be clear. But even that's been up in the air the last few weeks, so usually he pops in once or twice a week in the middle of the night instead, and then he's out before I wake up. It's not really anything new though. We've been cuddling almost as long as we've known each other."

"Yet you're defensive, like you believe you've done something wrong."

The blond thought about that for a long moment. "I have, haven't I?"

"You're sabotaging yourself," Genesis informed him, arms crossed. "Your dynamic with Zack isn't an issue—the way you refuse to discuss it with Carl is. I'd have thought you outgrew these habits by now, Cloud."

He frowned, not liking the way Genesis used his name instead of some silly term of endearment. That was never a good sign. "Gen—"

"You close yourself off instead of opening up. You dwell on things alone, distorting them in your mind instead of allowing whoever else is involved to work through it with you," Genesis accused, the disappointment in his voice nearly causing him to flinch.

They'd had this conversation before. Years ago, but he remembered it all too well—the day he and Genesis broke up. Way back in college, when things had been too much for him and he'd all but runaway from their relationship. The words had stung just as much back then, but they just couldn't be true this time around. Now when so much had changed over the years.

"I'm a different person now. I grew up," Cloud said the moment he found his voice. "Maybe I have some of the same tendencies, but—"

"Of course you've changed. You've grown into a remarkable young man—even more remarkable than you were back then," Genesis jumped swiftly. "But you're still scared. Still running whenever the opportunity presents itself. You've been with Carl for, what? A month?"

"Barely."

"You need to cut the man some slack. It doesn't even sound like he was angry. He made a simple inquiry, and you've blown it significantly out of proportion in true Cloud Strife fashion."

"Hey!"

"No one's asking you to stop being friends with Zack, or to stop spending time together as you see fit. We're simply asking you to _talk_ to Carl. If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to learn to communicate better before it's too late."

Cloud didn't bother appealing to Sephiroth or Angeal this time, already sensing their unspoken agreement. Instead he tried to let it all sink in. Communication. He had no problem communicating—with these three, with Zack…with his co-workers and a number of nameless, faceless viewers and readers. There were varying levels of communication, sure, but it was always more than enough for any given situation.

It was just a little harder with Carl. Talking about the miscellaneous, light subjects was fine, but talking about _Zack?_ That was a heavy, complicated subject at best. Explaining that they were just friends really didn't cover it.

"All you have to do is tell him Zack's your friend," Angeal suggested, gaining Cloud's full attention. Why was it when Angeal said it, it sounded so much simpler? "Then, if he seems uncomfortable still, offer the compromise Genesis suggested."

"But how do I explain that to Zack? That suddenly something that's been fine all this time isn't okay anymore?"

Sephiroth answered, "Zack will understand."

"He just had a similar conversation with Adam," Angeal revealed, brows furrowed.

Oh. Cloud shifted where he sat, wishing Zack would tell _him_ these things. "And Adam said it was fine?"

"Adam understands Zack is an affectionate person. He also understands you're special to Zack, and that he shouldn't read into it."

"But that's with your help," he realized, not surprised when Angeal nodded. Of course. Angeal was friends with Adam—just like how Cloud came to his friends for advice, Adam would do the same. And in this case, Angeal's advice was not to worry about Cloud. Great. Somehow that really didn't make him feel any better. "What if Carl _does_ read too much into it, and I'm not willing to compromise?"

He wasn't doing anything wrong—why should he change anything? It felt like his friendship with Zack was already slipping through his fingers, and he wasn't okay with making things worse. Just because Zack would understand didn't mean he'd start showing up to hang out on another night to make up for lost time.

Plus, surely it was a bit too early in his relationship to be having these issues. Maybe Carl had only asked out of curiosity, not out of mistrust, but still. If he just offered to change something he didn't want to change, he'd be setting the wrong precedent for their entire relationship. And he actually _wanted_ this one to work.

"Come up with a compromise you are willing to make," Sephiroth offered after a long moment. "Allow Carl to get to know Zack better."

Genesis hummed in agreement. "You were going on double dates for a while. Let Carl gain some insight into your friendship—let him see Zack's happily involved with another."

That sounded a lot more reasonable. "Zack hasn't had time lately."

In fact, he hadn't asked Cloud on a single double date since Carl came into the picture. He'd actually suggested it already, partly as a last ditch effort to spend more time with Zack, and partly because he _finally_ had someone to bring along who Zack wouldn't be able to tease him about after the fact. That conversation had ended in an evasive _we'll figure out a day that works,_ with no real follow up.

"He'll make time for this," Angeal reassured him. "He'll always make time for you."

A few months back, he would've believed that without hesitation. It was a bit harder now when even Tuesdays weren't a guarantee.

xxxxx

For someone who had arrived with only two bags, Zack was leaving with quite a few boxes. It had only taken a day to pack up, Cloud diligently helping his friend as if it was tearing at him.

Hadn't Genesis warned him this would happen too? That Zack wouldn't just move in and stay forever? Yet somehow this hurt more than the rest—more than the time apart. More than _Adam._ Maybe because it had been so sudden. They'd finally gotten to spend an afternoon together, and Cloud had been ready to bring up the double date thing. The double date that Carl thought was a fantastic idea.

And then Zack dropped the moving bombshell on him instead.

"I really appreciate you letting me crash here for so long," Zack told him for probably the hundredth time.

Cloud forced yet another smile. "No big deal. I had a spare room anyway."

"What're you gonna do with it now?"

He shrugged, not quite sure. It wasn't like he sat around thinking about it—that would mean acknowledging that all this was really happening. "Maybe make it an office or something."

"You don't want to keep it as a guest room?" Zack asked with a frown.

"Uh, I'm not really a guest kinda guy. No one's been over since Angeal lived here," Cloud reminded his friend. Random dates coming to pick him up hardly counted. Neither did Adam. "Plus, you're taking the bed."

And a few random bits of furniture that Angeal had left. Things that Cloud didn't really need. He was in a better financial position than Zack, and the stuff had been free anyway.

"You're not planning to have any guests?" Zack repeated, incredulous. "What about me?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "You're moving across the hall."

Another reason this was all so absurd. Zack apparently needed his own space so badly that he was willing to settle quite literally on the first apartment he saw.

"Yeah, so that I can still come over for breakfast. So that I can swing by whenever we both happen to be free. Plus our scheduled hangout nights." Zack began to deflate as Cloud just stared blankly. "C'mon, Spike. Don't make me feel bad about this."

"I don't want you to feel bad, I'm just confused. If you want to be here so badly, why move at all?"

Zack opened his mouth, but quickly shut it as he considered the question. "Adam and I were talking, and—"

"Are you serious?" Cloud interjected, shaking his head in disbelief. "I get that your relationship is important to you, and I think that's great, but should you really be letting him steer you into making decisions like this already?"

"It's not like that. He's not moving in or anything. We were talking about _me._ About how I was with Lux for so long, and then I spent all that time with you right after," Zack explained carefully. "For years and years now I never took any time for myself, you know? So that's what I'm doing. You're still my best bud—this is just something I need to do. I need to learn how to be on my own."

Cloud just frowned. He always made sure to respect Zack's space and privacy. Usually it was the other way around—Zack wandering into his bedroom at whatever random hour, or sneaking into his bathroom to borrow some shampoo.

"You're overthinking this," Zack insisted, reaching out to pat him on the shoulder.

"I'm not. I thought things were good between us. _Really_ good. Like, back to normal, awkward love confession never happened good."

"They are."

"They were," he corrected immediately. "It was hard during your breakup, but then…it was so easy. Everything was so easy and good. I wasn't blocking off my Tuesday nights because it was the only night you had free to see me. I wasn't sitting around hoping you wouldn't cancel at the last minute."

"That's not fair. I've been busy. You know I just got promoted."

"Did you?" Cloud shot back, almost rolling his eyes. "Because actually, you didn't tell me. You mentioned you were up for one, not that you got it. I texted you about it and you didn't even reply."

"Cloud…"

"You realize I've got a job too, right? I'm doing correspondent work every single day now. I'm pulling more interviews per week, covering more events. They're talking about making me editor of my section! You're not the only one who's busy, Zack."

Zack looked floored, but composed himself almost immediately. "My hours changed. I'm working mostly nights now, and you're working days. It's hard to talk as much when our schedules don't line up."

"And you're in a relationship now. I get it. I really do."

"Don't pull that card."

Cloud glared hard at his friend. "What card?"

"The relationship card. Yeah, I'm in one, but that has nothing to do with this."

"That has nothing to do with you having no time for your friends?" he asked, not even sure why he made it plural—it was no secret Zack still had time for everyone else.

"It doesn't. I spent plenty of time with everyone when I was with Lux, okay? I'm just busy with other things right now."

"So busy you have to put me in your _schedule_ to maybe see one night a week, but not so busy you don't have time to move out on a whim," Cloud concluded, Zack nodding right along. Unreal. "That's rich coming from the same guy who asked me to stop dating because my one night a week outing was taking up too much time."

Zack had the nerve to scowl. "It's not like you were serious about Carl back then—it's not the same as you going out to get laid once week. I actually give a damn about Adam. He's not just some random person I'm forcing myself to see to prove a point you."

Wow. Cloud stared at Zack open mouthed before shaking his head. "Let's get these boxes out of here."

"Spike, I didn't mean…It wasn't supposed to come out like that."

He picked up a box, trying his best not to notice the dismay on Zack's face. "It's fine."

"It's not."

Cloud kept moving, not stopping as he responded, "You're right. It's not."

Thankfully they still understood each other better than anyone. Zack sensed the finality in Cloud's tone, and didn't bother speaking again as they began moving boxes to the apartment across the hall. Without the distraction they normally provided each other, they actually got a lot done in a very short amount of time. Boxes, a bed, random bits of furniture. Cloud even began visualizing his new office.

Maybe a fresh start was a good idea for him, too. Everything he owned was basically gifted from Angeal or Genesis. Even the apartment. Maybe he'd find a separate place entirely. He could have an office _and_ a guest room. All filled with furniture and decorations of his own choosing.

"Spike."

"Don't," Cloud said, holding a hand up. "I don't wanna hear it."

"I'll stay if—"

"Seriously? You think this is about the move still? I don't give a damn, Zack. If you want your own space, that's fine—it's not like we see each other anyway, but I can understand that. It's the fact that you don't even care that bothers me," he stated, stepping out of Zack's near-empty home.

"Don't go yet," Zack pleaded, reaching out only to get his hand whacked away. "Please, Cloud. I _do_ care."

"Just stop. I can't even believe what an idiot I am—how I didn't see what this was. It's not friendship. I'm just a convenient _thing_ for you to keep around. Something to boost your ego, maybe," he ventured, chuckling under his breath. "I'm done being the person you go to when it's a good time for _you."_

"You're not an idiot. This isn't…You're my best friend, Spike. I don't keep you around out of—"

"I don't wanna hear it anymore! You know what the difference between me and you is? You're the kind of guy who thinks he's so important that everyone will drop everything to hang around you, and I'm the kind of you who _does,"_ he ranted, growing more and more worked up by the second. "I'm the kind of guy who turns down event after event on Tuesdays just because that's occasionally a good night for you. I'm the kind of guy who turns down covering the biggest environmental event of the year to go camping, only to get ditched two days before."

"You turned down…?"

"Don't act surprised. You know damn well I'm the go-to person for events like that. _Obviously_ they asked me to cover it," Cloud said, scoffing at the blank look on Zack's face. "Or maybe you don't know. You're so caught up in your own personal shit that you can't see what's going on around you."

"That's not true."

"That only makes it worse. That means you knew, and decided it didn't matter. You put yourself first again and again because you knew I'd let you."

Zack, to his credit, still looked completely baffled. "Spike—"

"I must be such a joke to you." He shook his head, disgusted with _himself_ for letting it go this far. "I mean, really? You think I was dating to prove a point to _you?_ That I was sleeping with people I didn't even like just to get your attention?"

"No! I didn't think that at all."

"Really? Because that's what you said. That's another funny thing about you and me. I actually listen when you speak, whereas you just pick and choose what to hear and assume the rest."

"You're upset, and I get that. I can see how all this must look to you, but you've gotta believe me, Spike. You're _everything_ to me. This move—the time apart? It's not what I want."

"You're a grown man, Zack. You make your own decisions and set your own priorities."

"Things are complicated with me right now," Zack tried, eyes imploring Cloud to listen. "That's why I need this move. That's why I need some space. I'm not avoiding you because I _want_ to."

"But you are. You're avoiding me," Cloud realized, dumbfounded. He'd actually bought into the _I'm busy_ thing—believed that Zack had a lot going on, and had let their friendship fall on his priority list. Not once had he considered his friend was doing it _deliberately._ "Unbelievable."

"You've needed space before. You've avoided me."

"Because I was confused. Because I felt things that were overwhelming, and it was the only thing I could think of to clear my head. And even then I was texting you every day."

Zack put his hands on Cloud's shoulder, not budging even when the blond glared. "Did it ever occur to you that you're not the only one who gets confused and overwhelmed?"

"I'm not _you,_ Zack. I'm not so caught up in my own shit that I don't realize other people go through it too."

"Oh, really?" Zack snorted, hands dropping to his side as he shook his head in amusement. "Then why can't you see that's exactly what's happening with me right now? After all this time, how can you seriously accuse me of not caring?"

"What could you possibly be confused about?"

"Everything! You're right about one thing—this _thing_ between us? It's not friendship. I'm beginning to think it never was."

"Glad we agree on something," Cloud said, shaking his head in defeat. "Enjoy your new apartment."

xxxxx

Tifa only offered an indulgent smile—not the beer he'd kindly requested. "I can't let you do this every time something goes wrong, Cloud."

"Tif…I didn't come here to talk."

"Maybe not, but you did come _here,"_ she reminded him, gesturing around. "You could've picked any bar, but you chose mine."

He raised both brows—they both knew that wasn't a valid point. "It's the only one within walking distance."

"And I'm here. Even if I wasn't, you knew someone on staff would've mentioned you dropping by."

"I'm here once a week!" Cloud argued, only halfhearted.

"You don't come here to drink alone, you come here to catch up with me and your old co-workers," Tifa said, hands on her hip. She knew him too well. Once in a blue moon he'd get a beer, but usually just a quick bite to eat these days unless he was with Zack or the others. "The only time you want to drink is when something happened with Zack, so let's cut to the chase. Is it his boyfriend? Is he as terrible as the last one?"

"His boyfriend's great. A perfect match for him," Cloud said, only a little begrudgingly.

"Is that the problem then? Zack's actually happy this time?"

Cloud scoffed. "Why is that everyone's first assumption? I _want_ him to be happy!"

"Everyone? Did Zack say—"

"No. Gen and Seph, they thought the same thing. They warned me over and over about him moving on, and then when he actually did, they told me I should try to be happy for him. What you all don't seem to get is, I _am_ happy he found someone. I found someone too, remember?"

Tifa frowned. "So what's the problem then?"

"He started spending less time with me. At first I thought he was just busy—new relationship excitement or whatever," Cloud explained with a shrug. "Turns out he's been _avoiding_ me."

"Cloud—"

"His words, not mine," he interjected solemnly. "He moved out."

"But why?"

"Said he needed space. That he was with Lux for so long, and he never took any time for himself."

She tilted her head, bewildered. "But he's with someone."

"Yeah. Doesn't make sense to me either. They're not living together, but…I dunno. Maybe he just wanted his own place because it was awkward for him to have Adam over at mine," Cloud reasoned, still trying to work it out in his own mind. A few days had passed, and he had yet to really reach a solid conclusion. "The whole thing's just crazy. We went from spending every day together for _months_ to seeing each other one night a week, plus whatever mornings we happened to run into each other. He's always working late or over at Adam's now."

"Maybe you were right the first time. Relationships are always more exciting in the beginning—they're just in that phase where they can't get enough of each other. Plus his promotion."

Cloud blinked. He probably should've been annoyed that his friends kept forgetting he was in that phase of his own relationship yet still made time for everyone, but he was too stuck on the last thing she said. "You knew about the promotion too?"

"It's AVALANCHE. They celebrate everything here—promotions included," she reminded him with a smile. "He's managing some new project. A big one."

"Woulda been nice to hear more about it from him."

"There's gotta be more going on here," Tifa said slowly. "He wouldn't just avoid you out of the blue."

"A few months ago, I would've believed that. Now I'm not so sure. He asks and asks, and I'm always there for him—but then he does this, and I just…I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being there for someone who's not there for me."

"Just because he's pulled back recently doesn't mean he hasn't been there for you all this time—doesn't mean he won't be after he's had his space. You're just upset now, so you can't see it clearly."

"I think I'm gonna head home," he decided, sliding off the bar stool. He really hadn't come here to chat. "I'll see you next week?"

"I'll be here," she promised, a small smile on her face.

He tried his best to smile back before turning his back, walking right out the front door. It was warm. Too warm to enjoy the walk, and too warm to take a few extra breaths to clear his head. Such a shame too, because he could've used a moment—he wasn't prepared to see Carl leaning against the outside wall of his apartment building.

"Hey, babe," Carl greeted, a big smile on his face as he leaned forward for a quick kiss.

Cloud smiled into it. "Hey. Did we have plans?"

"No, I thought I'd surprise you, but you weren't home," he responded easily. "Figured I'd hang around a few before headed out."

"I guess that worked out. I was just over at Tifa's," Cloud explained, pulling out his phone curiously. Sure enough, he had two missed calls—both from Carl. Oops. "So did you have something in mind, or do you wanna maybe come in for a while?"

Carl considered it for a moment. "I thought maybe you'd wanna go for ice cream or something, but staying in might be more relaxing. You look a little stressed."

"Yeah, busy day," he shrugged, pulling out his keys with one hand while taking Carl's hand into his other. "The good news is, I have ice cream here."

"That _is_ good news."

He smiled a bit more as they headed upstairs, the quick walk to his door short and silent. It was a bit strange, actually. They went out often enough, and spent plenty of time over at Carl's, but this? Well, it just wasn't somewhere they spent time together.

Now it was _his_ apartment though, not a shared space. He didn't need to be considerate—didn't need to worry about disrupting anyone else's evening by monopolizing the living room or kitchen. Didn't need to give anyone a heads up even if they probably weren't planning to come home anyway.

"Spike?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes at the figure leaning against his apartment door, further annoyed by the way his heart jumped in a way it hadn't since he and Zack last spoke. Yeah, he didn't need this either. "It's Thursday. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

His tone must've been harsher than intended because he'd _never_ seen Carl look so surprised. Zack on the other hand just looked hurt. "I've been messaging you all day." Every day since he'd moved out. Always with vague apologies and promises to explain. "Hey, Carl."

"Hey, Zack," the other man responded, shifting awkwardly by Cloud's side.

He squeezed his boyfriend's hand reassuringly, sending him a tiny smile before looking back to Zack. "I've got plans tonight. Text me Tuesday maybe?"

His apartment door was open before he let Zack respond, Carl following him inside without more than a questioning stare.

xxxxx

There were no butterflies. Not that Cloud had really been expecting them—he didn't get them very often. Attraction, sure, but otherwise? Dating made him anxious for a reason. He was more likely to feel nauseous than anything, the exception being when he was seeing someone he was already comfortable around.

What he really hoped for was chemistry. Compatibility, and maybe some excitement here and there. That was what was left after the butterflies went away anyway. The thrill people described at the beginning of any relationship almost always faded in time, leaving what remained as the real test. Without that deeper connection, it didn't matter how into it two people were from the start.

Or so he liked to tell himself. Otherwise maybe he really _wasn't_ cut out for this relationship stuff, which kind of sucked now that he was at a point in his life when he wanted to be in one.

"And then he tells me things aren't working out, just out of the blue," Cloud explained, helplessly accepting the drink Sephiroth offered him. Thank Gaia he was the only one around. Something told him of all his friends, Sephiroth would be the one to understand. "I thought things were going well, you know? So I asked him what happened."

"And?"

"And then he told me I just wasn't into him."

Sephiroth nodded in understanding. "Was he wrong?"

"I think he was more into me than I was into him, but…" Cloud shrugged, downing a long sip. "That's not fair, is it? We weren't together that long. I could've gotten there."

It hadn't even been two months.

His heart didn't ache, but he still felt like he'd lost something. The way Carl looked at him, like he was so disappointed—like he'd expected so much more from their relationship. It was frustrating to think about. Maybe things hadn't been perfect, and maybe he'd been distracted by a few things, but he really had put in the time and effort. More than he had in _years—_ since way back when he was with Genesis.

"Relationships are complex. Different people have different expectations."

"Seems like most expect things to be hot and heavy from the start—like if you're not all in right away, it's a waste of time," he complained, glaring at his bottle as if it personally offended him. "It's bullshit. _Building_ toward something? That's what should count. Love isn't some overnight phenomena."

"For you," Sephiroth amended, drawing his attention back up. "There is nothing wrong with either scenario. You just need to find someone more understanding of your needs."

"I'm beginning to think that person's not out there. That I'm just weird." Okay, he'd actually thought that for a long time now, but it felt surprisingly liberating to just say it. "What's the point in trying?"

"The feeling you get once you've succeeded," Sephiroth responded, like it was so simple. "I believe you're on the right path already. You should be thankful Carl called things off before anyone was truly hurt."

 _"Thankful?_ He's the first person I've felt comfortable going out with in a long time, Seph. It's not that easy to just let go like nothing ever happened. He was my friend!"

"Was he more than that?"

"Obviously."

"Obvious in the literal sense, perhaps. Was he more in your heart?"

Cloud's mouth hung open slightly in disbelief. "Are you seriously asking that?"

"Yes."

"I don't…I don't know. Not yet." He let out a defeated sigh. "I'm beginning to think I won't be able to feel that way about anyone. Not anymore."

"It was a foreign concept to me once as well," Sephiroth admitted, almost nonchalant. "You have been preoccupied, Cloud. Too preoccupied to notice what you truly want is readily available to you."

Great. He thought he'd gotten lucky because Genesis wasn't around to put everything poetically, and Angeal wasn't around to give him a pep talk. Who'd have thought Sephiroth would start speaking in riddles? "I was kinda hoping you'd have something blunt to say about all this," Cloud said, raising both brows.

"Are you aware Zack and Adam broke up as well?"

He feigned indifference despite the surprise he felt. "Zack and I aren't exactly on speaking terms."

"They split the day after he moved. Zack has been taking some time for himself, it seems," Sephiroth explained carefully. "He says it has been therapeutic."

"Good. He deserves that—time for himself," Cloud said, nodding because somewhere deep inside he knew that much was true. It was something he hadn't really allowed himself to think about since Zack's move, too afraid to feel the pain that would come along with those thoughts.

Alone time could be invaluable. Independence, direction, self-worth…He'd spent six months traveling an entire continent just to find those things, only to discover that all he really needed was _time._ Time away from the people and places that were stressing him out—time alone to gain some clarity. Even now that he'd grown up and gained some confidence, he _still_ pulled away from everything and everyone now and then.

Including his closest friends.

"Shit," he mumbled, setting his drink down as the epiphany struck him.

"Shall I put it bluntly?" Sephiroth offered, a tiny smirk on his face. Cloud sent a glare in his direction, but waited for his friend to continue. "You owe him an apology."

A lot more than an apology. He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. "I'm an idiot." And a hypocrite. A hypocritical idiot!

"Far from it. Zack was confused, and in turn he made some poor decisions. You were rightfully upset."

"I should've heard him out. I should've _talked_ to him instead of going off like he was just being a selfish asshole," Cloud said, his heart plummeting. All the terrible things he'd said. Would Zack even _want_ an apology at this point? "Now I get why you guys get mad at me for pulling this shit."

Sephiroth chuckled softly. "I will let Genesis know you said that."

"Please don't," he grumbled, unable to hold back his own laugh at the thought.

Genesis would never let him live it down. Plus, he really _had_ been doing better when it came to not cutting his friends out entirely. A year and a half ago, he would've been holed up in his apartment under these same circumstances—not seeking out Sephiroth's company.

"I will keep it to myself so long as you allow Zack the opportunity to explain himself."

"If he even wants to. I was a jerk."

"He would like nothing more than to speak with you again."

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. "He told you that?"

"Yes. We haven't seen much of him lately, but he always inquires about you when we do."

"Was it just...he wasn't ready to move on? Or did something happen with Adam?"

"Neither."

"You're not gonna tell me?" Cloud asked, frowning deeply.

Sephiroth just shook his head. "I believe we just agreed. You will allow Zack to explain himself."

"He doesn't even need to. I'll let him say what he wants to say, but I already get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah," he answered, sure of it.

That is, until Sephiroth's stare quickly had him questioning himself all over again.

xxxxx

The last thing he expected to see upon his return to his apartment was a _very_ displeased Genesis, banging on his door without an ounce of concern about disturbing any of his neighbors. He was tired, sweaty, and ready for a hot shower—not this.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked anyway, just in case Genesis was going through some kind of personal trouble and _that_ was why he was attacking Cloud's door.

The redhead turned to him, indignant. "I'm fine. You're not, and neither is Zack. I just spent _two hours_ talking to that fool, and I've had enough. You're working this out tonight."

"I know," he replied, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"No excuses! No waiting till tomorrow—in fact, no waiting another moment. I insist you go see him right now," Genesis said, blocking Cloud's door as he approached.

"Gen…I know," he repeated, finally meeting the man's eyes. "I just need to shower, and then I'll go see him."

"No. I said no excuses. I don't care if you smell, and neither will Zack."

Cloud looked down at his sweat saturated shirt, then back up to Genesis. "I just spent the last two hours sparring with Sephiroth," he said, and man, every muscle in his body ached. It was what he needed though, after their eye opening conversation. They'd worked out the rest of his frustrations in silence, and everything seemed so _clear_ now. "I'm going to shower and change, then I'm going to see Zack. Now move."

"I refuse," Genesis replied, shrugging unapologetically.

"Look, I appreciate you trying to help, but this isn't—"

Genesis cut him off with a scowl. "You owe me this. I've been there for you time and time again—I've been patient, understanding, and sympathetic even when I was hurt and felt you didn't deserve any of those things."

It was almost like he'd just been slapped across the face. "You're right. You have been."

"Please," a word Genesis didn't use often, "turn around, knock on his door, and don't leave until you've worked everything out. Now."

And so Cloud turned around, knocked on Zack's door, and didn't turn back even as he heard the distinct sound of Genesis' boots on the hard floor, walking away. The door swung open almost immediately.

"I've never heard him sound like that," Zack mumbled, poking his head out and watching Genesis leave.

"Yeah," Cloud agreed, hand on the back of his neck. Of course Zack had heard everything. "Me neither. He was right though."

"Usually is." He looked at Cloud who was busy willing himself to stay calm. It was nerve-wracking, being here. All the conclusions he'd come to with Sephiroth felt so distant now that Zack was _right there._ "Did you mean what you said? You were gonna come see me tonight?"

Cloud nodded slowly. "I meant it when I said it. You know me—mighta talked myself out of it in the shower."

Zack remained impassive. "You better come in then. I don't wanna put this off."

That comment did little to soothe his nerves, but he figured he deserved it. He'd really screwed things up this time. Part of him still felt like it wasn't entirely his fault, but that didn't change much. If he hadn't been so damn stubborn, things never would've gotten to this point.

"I'm really sorry," Cloud began, blurting it out as he walked inside. "I've been a jerk. A complete hypocrite, and I don't know how I didn't see it sooner."

"See what sooner?" Zack asked quietly, gesturing for Cloud to follow him. He looked around as he moved, too aware that he'd never actually been _in_ Zack's apartment. The floor plan mirrored his own, and it was still relatively bare. Beyond the essentials, there was really nothing to the place yet. Not even a couch. "Cloud."

He snapped out of his daze, taking a seat by Zack's side at his tiny kitchen table. "Yeah?"

"I asked you a question," Zack mumbled, looking more amused than he sounded.

And worn out. How had he not noticed right away? There was stress in all of Zack's features, his face paler than Cloud remembered—thinner, almost. His posture was tense in a way Cloud hadn't witnessed since the days when he was fighting with Luxiere, and it looked like he could fall asleep right there at the table if he just closed his eyes for more than a blink.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked without another thought. A dumb question, and they both knew it. There was something instinctive about asking though—about seeing Zack like this and just wanting to see what was up so he could try to fix it.

"No. Are you?"

"Not really," he admitted, fidgeting with his hands on the table. "You were acting like me. That's what I didn't see. Pulling back instead of asking for help. I just…It's _you._ You're always so composed and confident. Normally you handle things better than I do."

"That's a shitty excuse. You're supposed to know me better than anyone. I'm not always as put together as I seem."

"You're right. I was too caught up in my own personal shit to notice," Cloud said, the very words he had thrown out in accusation the last time he'd willingly spoken to Zack. "I'm sorry."

"I am too. I said some things I shouldn't have."

"You were right though," Cloud told him, taking a long breath. He could do this. It was worth sucking it up and admitting to every truth he didn't want to face if it meant fixing this. "I _was_ dating to prove a point. Not to you, but to myself. I always knew you didn't feel the same way I did, but once you actually _said_ it, it was like I was out of excuses. There was no _what if,_ no chance everyone else was right—it was just time to face reality and see if I could be happy with someone else."

"Gen just spent a good hour ripping me a new one when he found out I said that to you. He, uh…he kinda told me I was an idiot, and that I shouldn't have assumed you were hooking up just because I was."

Cloud felt the color draining from his face. "He _what?"_

"Then he told me _he_ was an asshole for telling me, and that he'd apologize to you later."

He dropped his head to the table, too upset to be angry. "It's none of his business. Not anymore."

"You're right."

"It's not yours either," Cloud said, glancing up.

Thankfully the words had come out as softly as intended—it wasn't Zack's fault that Genesis had decided on a whim that this was relevant. It definitely wasn't. Sure, it had felt like a low blow when Zack made that assumption, but it really hadn't been. How could Zack have known? They'd never discussed it, and he'd intended to keep it that way.

Sex was a weird topic for Cloud. Not in a childish, too bashful to discuss it kind of way, but more in the…he didn't really know how to define himself kind of way. The same way dating strangers made him incredibly uncomfortable, so did the thought of sleeping with someone he didn't know—and he'd definitely tried. It wasn't some moral or Nibel value holding him back, it was just how he was.

He shook his head when he realized Zack was waiting for him to continue. "I didn't come here to talk about this."

"I should've known better," Zack persisted. "I mean, you'd get so worked up about the _thought_ of dating someone random. You threw up that one time! Obviously you weren't hooking up."

"It doesn't matter either way," he insisted adamantly. "I _like_ sex. A lot. Just because I don't have it with strangers doesn't mean I care that you think I was. It's not like there's anything wrong with casual sex."

"I know that. But there _is_ something wrong with me constantly throwing things in your face every time things aren't going my way," Zack said, frowning apologetically. "You were calling me out on my bullshit, and I was an asshole about it. I don't care if I was right or wrong, or if you don't think it's a big deal—it's a big deal to _me._ You didn't deserve any of that."

"I wish you'd just told me sooner," Cloud admitted, holding his gaze. "Maybe I wouldn't have liked it, but I would've understood. You were right—I've needed space before."

"And you've avoided me before. You avoided me, and then refused to explain why when all was said and done," Zack reminded him, shaking his head slowly. "I get it now. I really do."

"Did it help at least?" he asked curiously. "Did you get whatever you needed?"

"Uh, did it help you?"

Cloud snorted. "No. It just made things worse."

"Yeah, same," Zack replied, the hint of a grin on his face. "We've gotta stop doing this. I miss you too much."

"Me too." He bit at his lower lip, still uncertain what had caused all this. "Why'd _you_ need space?"

"What, you think you get to not tell me, but I'm gonna tell you?"

"You were stressing me out. It was around the time you started staying over more often—after that first camping trip," Cloud explained, remembering it all too well. "I remember waking up in your arms, and it was just too much. I didn't know how I was going to get over you like that."

"So you ran."

"Yeah," he shrugged. If he could do it differently, he would, but it was done now. There was no point in overthinking it now. "It just made me think about you even more. Turns out the real way to get over it was just to keep at it. Once it became a normal thing between us, it wasn't a big deal anymore."

Maybe it still felt nicer than it should've, but acceptance of the situation went a long way. He watched Zack carefully, his friend nodding along like he was processing that still.

"So, you're over it?" Zack asked slowly. "Over me?"

"Uh. Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yeah, we do. I'm not going through this every couple months. We need to lay all this shit out on the table, talk about it, and figure out where to go from here," Zack said, far too decisively to argue.

He had a point. This was tiring, even if it didn't happen every couple months like Zack seemed to be implying. "Okay," he agreed, taking a deep breath. "I want to be over it, but…no. I'm not."

"Good," his friend responded with a small smile.

"Good?" Cloud laughed because Zack really was a funny guy. "That's one way to put it. I was thinking more along the lines of pathetic."

"Why would you think that?"

There was no point in dodging this one, so Cloud just answered honestly, "Uh, because I'm stupidly in love with someone who's made it perfectly clear he's not into me. Someone who is way too good of a friend to lose over something stupid like this."

"It's not stupid. I told you—how you feel _matters_ to me, Cloud. And all this time I spent away from you, _missing_ you? It made me realize a lot of things," Zack told him, holding his gaze with an unmatchable intensity. "I'm so stupidly in love with you that I didn't even know it."

"Is this Genesis?" Cloud asked slowly, too reluctant to believe a single word. There was definitely something wrong with that statement. "You were talking to him, and he put this idea in your head?"

"Honestly? If you'd asked me six months back, I woulda said yeah. They've been trying to tell me I love you for a long time now," he admitted, raking a hand through his hair. "I didn't wanna hear it. At most, I figured I just wanted to fuck you, and I know that sounds shitty, especially _now,_ but—"

Cloud couldn't help laughing. "No, it's…Not that surprising, to be honest. You're not exactly subtle when you look at me sometimes."

For the first time maybe _ever,_ Zack was blushing. "Yeah, well, neither are you."

"There's always been that between us—attraction," Cloud said with a shrug. The same way things turned touchy and flirty between them so easily. It was just how things were between them. "It doesn't mean you love me the way I love you, and that's okay."

"It's more than that. So much more," he insisted, reaching out for Cloud's hand. "You're amazing, Spike. You're smart, funny, kind—you're a badass. You like all the same things I do, and even when you're not sure, you're willing to try just about anything. We have this connection, you know?"

Cloud nodded his head easily. "Yeah, we do. That's not _love_ though. That's just you listing some things you like about me. Great things—and I really appreciate all that," he said, forcing a smile because it really was sweet. It was like Zack _wanted_ to love him. That wasn't good enough though, and it hurt a lot more than it helped. "We're definitely perfect together on paper."

"Why are your feelings valid, but not mine?" Zack asked, brows furrowed. "Why is it when you say it I'm supposed to believe it without question, but when I say it, it's just a nice idea?"

"Because it _is_ a nice idea. You're making it sound like you had this epiphany, but all those things you said have been true for a long time. It's not like we became compatible overnight."

"You're the first person I want to see when I wake up. The first person I want to go to when I have good news, or bad news. The first person I wanna tell bad jokes to, the first person I wanna hang out with—don't you get it?" Zack implored, squeezing his hand as their eyes locked again. And he did. He got it. Zack was his person too—his best friend. "I love you, Cloud. You've been the most important person in my life for so long, even when someone else was supposed to be. Even when I was with Lux."

"Zack…"

"I love you," he repeated, soft and insistent. "And I don't care what I need to do to make you believe me. I'm gonna do it."

"What happened with Adam?" Cloud asked, because he really had to know now.

"Adam was perfect for me on paper," Zack replied, smiling a little. "Like, really perfect. He even checked a couple of the boxes you don't. I usually go for taller dudes."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not _that_ short."

"Nah, you're not. You're just right. The way we fit together…" Zack shook his head, his eyes growing distant. "I dunno how I didn't realize sooner. It's _always_ felt right between us. It was never gonna work with Adam."

"You're serious about this," Cloud realized, still studying his friend closely.

"I've never been more serious in my life. You don't even know what you do to me. Carl? I'm the reason he broke up with you," he said, looking apologetic despite his casual tone. "I've never been this person—this _jealous_ person."

"What're you talking about?"

"I ran into him yesterday when he was coming to see you," Zack admitted. "He asked me what was going on between us. I guess he noticed the death glare you gave me that one time?"

Cloud frowned. "Yeah. I didn't really explain that to him…I didn't know what to say."

"Yeah, well, I told him I was in love with you. That whatever he was hoping for was pointless because you were in love with me too, and we were just being too stubborn to deal with it. I wasn't even _nice_ about it," Zack said, shaking his head at himself. "He looked so upset, and then you know what he said?"

"…No," he whispered, not sure if he wanted to know. He already felt bad enough.

"He said he thought so. That he saw the way we were together, and he saw the way you got when you talked about me," Zack continued, "and that he really hoped we'd work it out soon. I was a blunt asshole, and he was basically the nicest dude ever. He even told me he'd end things so you wouldn't have to feel bad about any of it later."

His heart fell further, remembering the annoyed conversation he'd had with Sephiroth earlier that day. He really did owe Carl a thank you, and an apology. "That really doesn't sound like something you'd do."

"I know!" Zack exclaimed, like it was just as mind boggling to him. "I've never been like that. You make me crazy, Cloud. I feel things for you that I don't really understand. I don't even wanna apologize for it. In my head I know I was wrong, but I'm still _glad_ I ran him off."

Cloud was a bit floored, and a bit flattered. "I don't want you to be that way. I like you the way you normally are, when you're nice to everyone."

"It gets worse. He's not even the first one. Well, he is—I never ran anyone else off. But that was because I never needed to," Zack said with certainty. "I didn't really understand it at the time. Every time you told me about how bad your dates went, I was _glad._ I felt awful for feeling that way, but I was."

"I'm glad my misery made you so happy," he grumbled sarcastically, only to receive a sad look in response.

"That never made me happy. I didn't want you to be miserable, I just didn't want you to move on. And, yeah, I know that's selfish. I didn't _know_ that was what was happening though. I thought it was just the fact you were out with other people—that I was going through a hard time, and you were too busy for me. I was _so_ sure that was the only reason."

"Maybe it was."

"No," Zack said quickly, shaking his head. "It wasn't. We were already spending so much time together—it's like you said, one night a week? I acted like it was an inconvenience, when really, I just didn't like where it was going and I wasn't ready to deal with that."

"Because the break up?"

"Yeah. I mean, what kind of person gets out of a long relationship like that and doesn't even care?" he wondered, clearly not expecting an answer. "By the time it happened, I wasn't even affected by it, but I thought I should be. You don't end something like that and fall for someone else right away."

"You wouldn't be the first to do that. People rebound all the time."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't cool with you being that. You deserve so much more. And then things got so intense between us for a while there—it was like, every single day you were all I wanted, and that's when it kinda started to hit me," Zack revealed slowly. "It was almost like we were dating. We were going to romantic restaurants, and winning each other prizes at the carnival, and everything felt _so good."_

Cloud snorted. "I told myself it was nothing, and then the next thing I knew, you were with Adam and I never saw you."

"I thought…I thought maybe I was reading too much into it. Into you. Adam though, he really was perfect. Or he should've been. It made sense in my head to give it a try."

"And?"

"And all I could think about was _you._ I'd be out with him, and thinking how much more fun it'd be if you were there too. If you were there _instead._ So I cut you out, bit by bit. Tried to tell myself I was seeing things that weren't there because I'd gotten so used to spending all that time with you."

"Wow," he muttered, slowly but surely believing every word. And not just because he _wanted_ to believe it—because there was too much sincerity to deny it. This was so much more than everything he wanted to hear.

"I will say one thing. Adam was right about moving out. You and me, we really did become too dependent on each other. I need my own space—my own stuff."

He frowned a little. "Oh?"

"It's crazy to me that you turned down working that conference without even telling me. That you're willing to drop everything on a whim for me, no questions asked," Zack told him plainly. "It's crazy that I'd do the same things for you, and we're not even together yet."

"You're important to me."

"So is your career. Just like mine's important to me. There's a lot of things we need to work on if this is gonna happen."

"This," Cloud repeated, gesturing between them. Zack just nodded. "You really want to be with me?"

"I do, but we're in over our heads right now. We need to take a step back and start over. Just because we're already so close doesn't mean we can't take things slow," Zack explained carefully. "I want to date you—go through all the motions I'd go through with anyone else."

"Okay," he agreed, seeing the sense in it right away.

"If we go all in from the start, it's just not gonna work out. It's not healthy, the way we want each other, and I don't want us to end up resenting each other over it. I don't want you to pass on important things just to spend time with me."

"You're right."

"And we can't let all this shit pile up. We need to talk instead of just having fun and pushing all this to the side until it blows up."

"Yeah, definitely."

"Are you just agreeing to make this easy? Because I don't want that. If you wanna be annoyed, or ask why, you should just do it. I can handle it," Zack told him firmly. "Please, Spike."

"I'm agreeing because you're right, not because I want this to be easy," he said, taking his time. "I've wanted this for way too long to screw it up now. We're on the same page."

"Then why do you look so worried?"

"Because I am. You realized you _maybe_ wanted me, what? A few months ago? Then more seriously when you were with Adam?" Cloud asked, snorting. "I've wanted this for almost as long as I've known you. It's a little surreal right now."

"I'm sure about this. Maybe it took me longer to realize it, but I've wanted you just as long."

He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. "Just as long?"

"C'mon, Spike. It wasn't an overnight epiphany, or whatever you called it! I had a crush on you the moment we met. We _definitely_ clicked from the start. I'm just not the kinda guy to dwell on shit like that when I'm in a relationship. I pushed it aside, and told myself it'd go away."

"And it did."

"Yeah, mostly. We were friends, and I was involved. I dunno what you want me to say about it. I was committed, and I don't feel bad about that."

"I don't want you to feel _bad_ about it. I'm just trying to understand—you're the one who brought it up."

"All I meant was, all the things that you felt for me from the start? I felt it too. I just didn't let myself think about it. I tucked it away because I didn't have room for that in my life, and by the time I did, it was still stored away," Zack explained carefully. "I didn't wanna go there just because Gen thought it was a good idea, or because I knew how you felt. I didn't wanna go there because it made sense on paper."

"That makes sense," he replied, not sure what else to say.

"But then it just clicked. It wasn't one moment, or anything specific, it's just…I dunno. Everything. Whatever this is between us, it's real. I _feel_ it, and just because I didn't acknowledge it right away doesn't mean I haven't wanted it all along. It just means I'm a good boyfriend."

Cloud couldn't help but smile at that. "Okay."

"You believe me, right?" he asked, almost pouting.

"That you're a good boyfriend?" Cloud mused, a hand on his chin as he 'considered' it. "I mean, you'll have to prove it, but I have faith in you."

"You always have," Zack responded, winking. "I won't let you down."

There was an awkward pause after that, and Cloud found himself shifting in his seat. Where did they go from here? Everything felt resolved. He was more than happy with the direction they were headed in.

But in the immediate sense, he wasn't sure what to do next.

"Um. Do you wanna…hang out tonight?" he ventured, not quite sure if he was proposing a date or just a relaxing evening to ease them into whatever was to come.

Zack stared at him for a long moment, ultimately shaking his head. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you kinda stink right now."

"I blame Gen," Cloud said, pulling at his now dry t-shirt and scrunching his nose. Yeah, he really did smell bad.

"Yeah, well, I want you to smell nice for our first date," Zack decided. "A little less sweat, a little more cologne. Maybe those nice jeans. You know which ones I mean."

He was sure his face was red as he nodded. "Kinda hard not to when you slap my ass every time I wear them."

"I'll wear the ones you like, too," he offered, a grin spreading on his face. "Maybe no ass slapping though. I mean, we did say we're taking this slow, right?"

"Definitely. You won't be getting your hands on my ass anytime soon," Cloud said, half-teasing and half-warning because it actually _was_ somewhat relevant now.

Zack, to his credit, didn't seem fazed. "How's seven sound?"

"You'll pick me up at my place?"

"Of course. I'm a true gentleman."

Cloud's smile grew. "It's a date then."

Just one date. They could do this if they took it one step at a time.


	5. Part Three

**Part Three**

* * *

For some reason, he'd expected things to feel different. Instead he got more of the same.

There was no immediate change—no moment when he could tell himself _yes, this is really happening._ Gaia, there wasn't even that heart racing, nervous moment leading up to Zack's knock on his door. Aside from the quick blush that crossed his face when Zack looked him up and down, smirking when he realized Cloud really had changed into his best jeans, he'd managed to stay startlingly calm.

That look _always_ did things to him though, so his reaction barely registered as noteworthy.

"I didn't have time to get flowers," Zack said, giving him a playful nudge as they made their way down the stairs.

"I noticed. I was thinking about demanding we reschedule so you can try again, but I thought that might be over the top for our first date," Cloud teased, nudging him right back.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but as an AVALANCHE employee, I'm more likely to get you a potted plant," Zack informed him, oh so seriously—aside from the wink he tacked on at the end.

Cloud hummed thoughtfully. "Is that where you work?"

Because hadn't they agreed to this? Going through the motions like they would with anyone else? He'd gone on plenty of first dates in the last year, so he knew a thing or two about what that meant. If anything, he'd be out of his depth on the _second_ date.

"Oh, yeah," Zack said, not missing a beat. "I thought I told you already. I'm kind of a big deal over there."

"I think I've seen some AVALANCHE commercials." He tapped his chin as they moved, pretending to think it over. "Can't say I see what all the fuss is about. The reactors power the whole city, so they can't be that bad."

 _That_ got Zack's attention, bringing him to a complete halt as they stepped outside. He stared at Cloud for what felt like the longest minute ever before finally breaking into a big grin. "You're lucky you're so cute," he said, slinging an arm around Cloud's shoulders. "You've got a lot to learn, and I'm just the guy to teach you."

Cloud couldn't even play along, the urge to laugh too strong. "Please tell me you wouldn't say that on a real date."

"Hey! This _is_ a real date, and heck yeah I'd say that! You're a cute dude, Spike."

"So cute that you'll overlook me being oblivious to the things you care about most?"

"Uh, _yeah._ You're a lot more than just a cute face. You're still smart—still willing to learn. And I've got a feeling that once you do, you'll be on board with me," Zack told him, like he was absolutely sure.

It occurred to Cloud in that moment that Zack was more than just sure—he was speaking from experience. Once upon a time, Cloud _hadn't_ been well informed. He knew better than to support ShinRa, but his knowledge of the intricacies of the issues was minimal. That is, until Zack started bringing him along to those weekend seminars.

There, it was impossible not to start soaking in all the information—to start doing his own research, and to start forming his own opinions. It had been an eye-opening experience, and one that lead him to where he was today. He could report on anything, but he stuck to these issues by choice because they _mattered_ to him now.

"What're you thinking?" Zack asked, interrupting his own reminiscing.

"I'm thinking…" He paused, not quite sure how to put all the flood of gratitude he felt in that moment into words. "I'm thinking you're right. I could definitely get on the right path with someone like you in my life."

"You know what _I'm_ thinking?"

Cloud stared up, brows furrowed as he met Zack's eyes. Usually he had some semblance of an idea, but not this time. The longer he stared, the more at a loss he was until he finally gave in and shook his head.

"I'm thinking you're amazing already—definitely the kinda person I could see myself with," Zack told him, stepping in closer. He brought a hand to Cloud's cheek, covering the flush that seemed to be spreading under its touch. "I'm also thinking you don't seem like the type to kiss on the first date. Do you make exceptions?"

All he could do was nod, almost dumbly as he stared up. Zack had been the exception to so many things since they met—why would this be any different? What he wasn't expecting was for Zack to lean in _now,_ grazing his lips with what could only be described as delicacy. And as quickly as he leaned in, he pulled back, smiling down.

"In case dinner goes bad and you change your mind," Zack whispered conspiratorially.

It was ridiculous enough to get Cloud to roll his eyes, trying to forget the full body shudder he'd just experienced. The _this is real_ moment he'd been searching for just a few minutes ago.

"You're lucky you're so cute," Cloud told him, biting back a grin when Zack snorted. "I'm serious. I've got this friend—he'd be scandalized if he knew you broke first date protocol this badly."

"Sounds like one of my friends. Nosy bastard, isn't he?"

"I'd be lost if he wasn't," Cloud replied fondly.

Zack smiled at that. "Me too," he said, gesturing for Cloud to follow him.

He stuck close to Zack's side, having almost forgotten they hadn't actually gone anywhere yet. Standing on the front steps of their apartment building wasn't much of a date, not that they had a very elaborate plan. Just a late dinner, as far as Cloud knew. Apparently somewhere in walking distance, since they bypassed the parking lot and went right to the sidewalk.

"So, what do _you_ do for a living?" Zack asked, eyes dancing as he glanced down.

"I'm a journalist," he answered, and for the first time in all his dates, he actually _appreciated_ his own answer.

It had become an easy, monotonous thing to say. Something he took for granted. Somehow it meant so much more with Zack—probably because it was such a far cry from the uncertain answer he'd given the first time Zack had asked him a similar question. Back when he had no idea what he was going to do with his life. Sure, Zack had made it relatively painless, making a game out of guessing his major…but he'd still dreaded those questions back then. It was a bit strange to put it in perspective—to realize just how far he'd come since then.

Zack gave him a moment before continuing their current game, knowing as always he was lost in his head. "Let me guess—broadcast journalist?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "Why would that be your guess?"

"You've got a face made for TV," Zack responded easily, smirking when Cloud scoffed.

"You're not the first to say so," he admitted, hand on the back of his neck. That was the thing about these types of conversations—they could only go so many ways. Some of his more flirty dates had tried all the same, cheesy lines. It was much more flattering coming from Zack. "But, no. I do some correspondent work, but mostly print."

"Well, that's a shame. I heard about this cool job opening at News Seven."

"Oh really?" Cloud asked dryly.

"Yep. They're looking for a news anchor. It's not the primetime slot or anything, but it's a foot in the door."

"My boss might've mentioned something about that," he said, remembering the conversation all too well. It was the network he did most his correspondent work through, so word got around quick. "He also mentioned giving me a raise to keep me around."

"Then I bet he'd still let you write a weekly column to keep your foot in the door at the paper too."

Cloud chuckled softly. "Yeah, I dunno. I've already made enough life changing career moves in the last couple years."

"Where do you wanna be in the next few years though? Fancy editor at a big time paper, or prime time news anchor for the most watched news show in the city?"

"They both sound like solid jobs."

"Yeah, they do. But which reaches the most people?" Zack asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I don't really know. A lot of people get their news online now—sometimes through the paper's website, sometimes through the network's websites, and sometimes just browsing."

"Mmm, yeah, we put a lot of gil into online advertising over at AVALANCHE."

"I think people still tune in to watch the big name news shows. The ratings are high, at least."

"I think people would tune in to watch _you._ And not just 'cause you're ridiculously good looking."

Cloud narrowed his eyes. This get-to-know-you game had been a lot more fun when they were just goofing around. "Zack—"

"I'm serious, Spike. You've got this _thing_ about you _._ People wanna hear what you have to say."

"I'll think about it. It's not that I'm not interested, but it feels like I only just got settled at the Post," Cloud explained slowly. So many other things were changing already—all good things, but still. He could only deal with so much at a time.

"Okay. I was just throwin' it out there," Zack reassured him, swaying in until their shoulders brushed. "Y'know, we're not even there yet, and we're almost outta small talk. I'm gonna hafta start asking you about your favorite color and favorite foods."

"Uh, we haven't even talked about where we're from, where we went to school, what our hobbies are," Cloud said, raising a finger as he listed each. He peered up at Zack with a straight face. "Are you new to this first date thing?"

"I've only been on one other first date in the last eight years, so…" Zack shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Oh, right. Cloud blinked, letting that really sink in. Sure, Zack had years and years of relationship experience, but this casual place they were trying to start in? Not so much. "I'm kind of a pro," Cloud told him, feeling oddly confident now. "I don't know shit about second dates, but I can get us through this one for sure."

Zack snorted. "I'm a fast learner. Between the two of us, I think we'll manage."

"Right. Where're we going anyway?" he asked, looking around curiously.

"Where do you think?"

"Uh. Train station?" Cloud guessed, because there really weren't any other options left at this point. They'd been walking and walking, passing countless places to eat.

"Yeah, I thought dinner on the train would be pretty romantic," Zack deadpanned, earning an amused glare from his date. "We're taking the train to the edge of the city."

"Oh?"

"Yep. The rest is a surprise! Let's just say I had to call in a favor or two to get things set up for us."

Normally the thought of a surprise would've made Cloud feel incredibly awkward, but this was Zack. This whole thing felt so easy—a mix of normal conversation and fun 'first date talk' that he could absolutely handle.

So he didn't question it further, instead continuing with their game by asking Zack about his hometown. The 'shock' on Zack's face when he revealed he'd actually been to Gongaga was adorable, and definitely worth the absurdity of the entire conversation. And then they moved on, sitting side by side on the train as they got into their hobbies—linking fingers as they 'discovered' just how much they had in common.

By the time they were at their stop, they really had almost run out of traditional first date talk, but it didn't even matter. The date was already going better than any he could recall being on, and they hadn't even _done_ anything yet. They walked the short distance from the train station to the chocobo stables, apparently getting ready to leave the city entirely.

"You can ride a bird, right?" Zack asked, winking at the look Cloud shot him.

"No," he lied—surely bad etiquette, but he wanted to see what Zack would do. "I can't actually."

"Hmm. Guess we'll hafta share."

Before Cloud could react, Zack was already off talking to the stable keeper, renting out one of the rare breed birds—the massive kind that could hold two people without being hurt. He felt a twinge of guilt, sure that cost _a lot_ more than renting out two regular chocobos, but Zack was practically beaming when he hopped on and offered Cloud a hand.

How could he feel bad about _that?_

So he accepted Zack's hand with a smile, settling comfortably onto the saddle. It was a bit weird, actually. He knew more than a little about riding chocobos, but he'd never been on a bird quite like this—he'd never not held onto the reigns himself. Gaia, he couldn't even compare it to his motorcycle. He was always the one steering that, too.

"Better hold on, Spike," Zack warned, leaving Cloud _very_ glad that Zack was facing forward and unable to see the panicked look on his face. "Don't worry, we're not going far."

That was the last thing he was worried about, his mind more wary about falling off _right now._ It wasn't until he all but clung to Zack that he really relaxed—that he took a deep breath and let go of his worries. Zack wouldn't let him fall. He put all his reservations aside as the bird sped up, Zack keeping it effortlessly under control.

And then they stopped.

Cloud looked around, stunned by what was in front of him. They'd barely left the city, just going far enough to see the stars clearly. There was a dim lantern lit, hanging from a tree. Below it was either the cheesiest or most romantic thing he'd ever seen—a red checkered picnic blanket with a basket sitting on top.

"I know I'm new to this whole first date thing, but I wanted it to be memorable," Zack explained, offering a hand to help Cloud get off the massive bird.

He accepted with a shaky hand, his heart pounding in his chest. "Yeah, I…I don't think I'll be forgetting this anytime soon."

xxxxx

There wasn't much that could top a picnic under the stars, but both Zack and Cloud certainly seemed willing to try. An arcade outing in the slums, a private showing at the theatre (hey, it was nice to be able to laugh freely and react loudly without disturbing anyone), a cooking class turned food fight because they were secretly children…

They did a lot of random things, some more successful than others. Even when the date itself was a bit of a dud, they managed to have a good time together without fail.

Unfortunately, there were only so many new and exciting things to do in Midgar. They were still busy, and still battling opposite work schedules, so it only made sense for them to weave in some standard dates when there just wasn't time to plan. Dinners, movies, and a few nights in. Somehow those dates were just as special, even as they moved past the 'get-to-know-you' nonsense and into their more typical banter. Maybe it was because things _were_ different now, even while so much felt the same.

That _this is real_ moment Cloud felt during their first date? He'd come to realize it was a fleeting thought, recurring multiple times during each date. So much really _hadn't_ changed between them—it was just the subtle differences that caught his full attention, lighting up Zack's eyes and setting off the flutter in Cloud's stomach over and over again.

The light hand that would linger on his thigh, the soft glances that neither looked away from, the quick pecks stolen mid-laugh—things that blended so seamlessly into their original dynamic. He'd come to look forward to those moments, longing to hold onto them for as long as he could.

"So, I was thinking," Zack began, almost looking nervous. "We've been dating a while now, yeah?"

"Over a month," Cloud confirmed with a nod.

Not that he was keeping track, but…okay, maybe he was keeping track. Six weeks, with dates scattered throughout. Usually two or three nights a week since they'd agreed not to dive right back into spending every single day together.

His stomach twisted anxiously when Zack still hadn't responded, not enjoying the drawn out silence at all. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"What? No! Nothing's wrong," Zack reassured him quickly. "Things are going great…Right?"

"Right," he agreed, raising a brow. "What's up then?"

"I was just thinking, this is normally the time we'd maybe consider making things official, yeah?" Zack ventured, glancing at him tentatively. "I know we kinda have this unspoken agreement that this is it—that it's just you and me, but we never really said it."

"I'm not seeing anyone else," Cloud responded slowly. Hadn't that been more than implied when they spilled their guts to each other? "It's only you."

"It's only you," Zack repeated back to him, smiling as he took Cloud's hand and laced their fingers together. "I guess what I'm _trying_ to say is, I wanna be boyfriends—I just haven't asked anyone to be mine in a long time, so I dunno how to say it without sounding like a teenager. Normally people ask _me._ "

Cloud side-eyed him for a moment before laughing almost uncontrollably. "You…You're kind of an asshole," he declared, still chuckling. "I thought you were gonna tell me you realized you were wrong about all this."

"C'mon, Spike," he grumbled, looking a bit too hurt for Cloud to keep laughing. "I didn't go into this on a whim. I told you I was sure, and I meant it."

"…Okay."

"You said you believed me."

"I do," Cloud insisted.

"Then why would you think I'd change my mind now? Especially when things are going so good."

"I don't! It didn't even cross my mind until you got all quiet," he tried to explain, helpless to find the right words. "Then, I dunno. I guess this is all too good to be true sometimes. I'm sorry."

"You don't hafta apologize, I just wanna understand what you're thinking," Zack told him, his smile returning in a hurry. "I get what you mean. It's that way for me too."

"It is?"

"Yeah. I've never felt like this, you know? It's different than it was with Adam, or even with Lux. I don't wanna compare us or anything, but I can't help noticing sometimes. It's just you and me. I'm not trying to impress you, or trying to do things a certain way." He paused there, looking a bit puzzled. "Well, I guess I am, but it's still not the same."

It was a little vague, but Cloud nodded anyway, sure he understood. "We're best friends."

"Yeah. It's just easier, and not in a bad way—not in a way where I'll be bored in another month. It's all _good,"_ Zack said with so much certainty that it rubbed right off on Cloud. "So, whaddya say? Be my boyfriend?"

He rolled his eyes fondly. "I guess so."

"You _guess so?"_

"Yeah, I guess so," Cloud responded, grinning at the indignant look on Zack's face. "Were you expecting a different answer?"

"I was looking for more of a yes, Zack! That's the best idea ever!"

And, yeah. Way too much enthusiasm there, even for Zack. He shot his _boyfriend_ an unimpressed look despite being inwardly amused. "I don't talk like that."

"Maybe you should start," Zack said, a hint of warning in his voice. Cloud's eyes went wide with realization, but by then it was too late—he was being pinned to the couch, helpless under Zack's weight as his boyfriend's fingers trailed his sides with obvious intent. "Say it."

"You can't just tickle me every time—"

Apparently Cloud was very wrong about that, squirming and flailing as best he could as Zack got to work. That man was pure evil, grazing and poking Cloud's every weak spot like the overgrown child he was. It only took fifteen seconds before the laughter escaped Cloud's stubborn lips, no amount of willpower able to keep it at bay.

"Okay, okay!" he gasped out somewhere in the midst of his fit of laughter. Zack stilled above him, eyes gleaming with amusement as he stared down into Cloud's. He took his time, catching his breath before even _attempting_ to say the words Zack was expecting. "Yes, Zack. That's the best idea ever."

Zack curled his fingers into Cloud's sides threateningly. "Say it like you mean it!"

"Yes, Zack!" Cloud exclaimed, barely recognizing his own voice. He would be getting revenge for this, that was for sure. "That's the best idea ever!"

"What is?" Zack persisted, showing no signs of budging.

"You and me being boyfriends, you ridiculous oaf!" he grumbled, already closing his eyes and bracing himself for the inevitable retaliation.

It never came.

His eyes fluttered open in confusion, but the _what's wrong_ never made it past the tip of his tongue. The moment their eyes locked, Zack leaned in, his warm breath grazing Cloud's face and startling him into silence. He stayed perfectly still, heart racing as he watched Zack study his face with a strange intensity.

"I'm going to kiss you," Zack whispered, pausing for just another moment as if he were waiting for any kind of objection.

There weren't any. In fact, Cloud was nearly ready to tell him to hurry and do it, but Zack closed the gap between them before that could happen. It only took a split second to register _why_ Zack had vocalized his intentions instead of just going for it the way he had since asking on their first date.

Their kisses, though frequent, could almost be mistaken as platonic to this point if not for the fact that they'd put their feelings out there and discussed exactly what was happening between them.

This was different. It was no quick peck. It wasn't soft, or sweet, or anything that could be considered delicate. Zack's lips were moving against his with purpose, tongue easing its way into Cloud's mouth like this was a regular thing for them. There was no sense of exploration, no getting a feel for one another—it was just natural, the way that everything else was between them.

It wasn't so surprising. Neither was their growing enthusiasm as they both got into it—they never did anything in halves, really. Cloud's hands found their way into Zack's hair, moving to the back of his head so he couldn't pull back even if he wanted to. Which, he clearly didn't—not if the way his grip tightened just slightly was any indication.

"I friggin' love you," Zack murmured, not pulling away to say so.

"Mm, you too."

A bit more incoherent, but he felt like he got the message across when his boyfriend practically smiled into his mouth.

xxxxx

He should've known. In fact, he _would've_ know, except he'd gotten so caught up in his own little _Zack and Cloud_ world to notice much else—not even with the glaringly obvious hint that had been dropped.

An invitation from Genesis was almost always suspicious unless the plans were to go to the theatre, or to his home. If it had come from either of his boyfriends, not so much. That was a fact he'd discovered so long ago, it was almost crazy to think he hadn't even batted an eye when he got such an invitation that afternoon.

 _Sure,_ he'd agreed without question—a night out at Seventh Heaven sounded great. When Genesis had suggested bringing Zack along? Even better. They'd planned to try find some time to hang out anyway, and a quick drink with their friends definitely fit into both their schedules.

Yeah, a quick drink. Those plans changed drastically as they walked through the doors, hand in hand as an entire roomful of people yelled out, " _Happy Anniversary!"_

"I'm gonna kill him," Cloud mumbled, too quietly for anyone in the loud room to hear. Well, aside from Zack. He just squeezed Cloud's hand, looking as good natured as always about the whole thing. "You didn't know about this, did you?"

"Nah, but he kinda swung by my office today to see if you'd texted me about it yet," Zack revealed, smiling apologetically. "I shoulda known something was up."

"Don't think I don't know what you two are talking about," Genesis called out from across the room, sipping at his drink with a smug smile. "You're already here, so you may as well enjoy yourselves."

"It's not even our anniversary," Cloud shot back, not really minding that everyone in the room could hear him. He'd already given the place a once over, and it looked like a solid mix of both he and Zack's co-workers.

"Uh, actually," Zack said, raising a finger in the air, "It kinda is."

"Yeah, but we're not _that_ couple," Cloud replied, shaking his head. Technically they'd made things official a month ago, but really? "We're the kind of couple who celebrates our annual anniversary at most."

"Oh, we are?" Zack raised both brows, clearly amused. "Glad you decided that for the both of us."

"Do you…disagree?" Cloud asked slowly, almost dreading the answer.

"Nah, we're definitely not the monthly anniversary kinda couple. I think we should let Gen have this one though, I mean, he did kinda make this happen."

Cloud took in a deep breath, trying to ignore the silly celebratory banners Genesis had somehow convinced Tifa to allow. If he could just block those out, and forget the large cake sitting on the bar, then yeah. He could let Genesis have this one because Zack was right—they owed him a lot.

They owed a lot to several people in this room. Genesis, Sephiroth, Angeal, Tifa, Jess…Biggs was there too of course, and he even thought he saw Adam. No matter how he felt about celebrations, he couldn't deny the impact so many of these people had on him. On making his relationship happen.

"Yeah," Cloud muttered, realizing Zack was still awaiting some kind of response.

He grinned in return. "Awesome. Let's get a drink, then we can make the rounds."

The best he could do was nod in response, glad that Zack would be by his side for at least a little while. No doubt he'd split off to go chat with some of his co-workers at some point, but not before Cloud was done brooding.

"How much did he have to pay you to let him do this to your bar?" Cloud asked, accepting the beer Tifa handed him.

She was willing to book out the place for private get togethers, but she had a pretty strict policy about not allowing decorations. Drunk people tended to make a mess of such things, especially during 'celebrations'—not that this particular group would ever mess with her bar, but still. It was a general rule.

"He just took care of the food and drinks. I put the banners up myself," she revealed, getting Zack a drink as well. Then she laughed at Cloud's dumbfounded expression. "Come on! You know I'm happy for you. Both of you. It's about time you worked all this out."

"It wasn't anything we needed to _work out,_ it was just—"

"Thanks, Tifa," Zack interjected, happily raising his bottle.

Cloud frowned a little, but couldn't help feeling a bit relieved. Maybe he didn't have to explain himself to anyone. The fact was, their relationship was between _them._ Their friends could be happy for them without all the details—without understanding that it was probably a good thing they hadn't jumped into this a year ago. Now the timing was _so right_ , and that was all that mattered to either of them.

So he raised his bottle as well. "Yeah, thanks."

"Enjoy your night, guys. I'll be here when you're ready for another," she told them with a wink.

Zack's free hand was on the small of his back a moment later, guiding him away from the bar and toward one of the booths—mostly everyone had split off into small groups, which was to be expected given the mixed crowd.

"Did I tell you how good you look tonight?" Zack whispered, leaning down to say the words right into his ear.

"Um." Cloud glanced up, face red. "You might've mentioned it once or twice."

"Good," he replied, giving the blond another quick once over before nodding again. "I'll prob'ly tell you again before we leave."

"You know, we're already together. You don't have to tell me half as often as you do."

"It's our anniversary! What kinda boyfriend would I be if I didn't compliment you today of all days?"

"In that case, you're lookin' pretty good yourself."

Zack smirked, clinking their bottles together before taking a sip. "Thanks, babe."

How was that fair? The way Zack took compliments was so effortless—like he was already well aware he looked good, so the words didn't affect him at all. It wasn't until he realized Zack was _still_ smiling that he wondered if maybe his words had some kind of impact after all.

They began saying hi to everyone table by table, and Cloud was quickly pleased to learn mostly everyone was there for the free food and drinks. Yeah, they were happy about Zack and Cloud getting together, but they mostly agreed a one month anniversary celebration was over the top. That meant their relationship was barely a topic of discussion, not even being mentioned by some of their co-workers.

"Hey, I'm gonna go say hi to Adam. Do you wanna come?" Zack asked quietly once they'd refilled their drinks twice and gone up to mostly everyone present. All that was left were their closest friends, and he had no doubt they'd spend the duration of the evening hanging out with them.

"Doesn't matter to me," he decided, following his boyfriend's gaze.

Adam had broken off from his group and made his way to the bar. He was waving at them with a pleasant smile, and Cloud quickly found himself waving back without hesitation. It wasn't like he knew Adam well enough to need to go up and say hi, but they _were_ acquaintances.

"Think I'll go alone then," Zack said, leaning down to pecking him square on the mouth.

"Okay. I'm gonna go see Jess," Cloud replied, tugging Zack back in for another. "Meet you over by Gen and the others?"

"Yeah. I'll bring you a new drink?"

"Sounds good," he agreed, smiling when Zack's lips were on his _again._ Then his boyfriend winked and walked off, leaving Cloud a little dazed as he watched his every step.

"You both look like lovesick puppies," a familiar voice chirped, snapping him out of it. He smiled as Jess slung an arm around him, guiding him over to the table she was sharing with Biggs and a few friends. "I thought you were gonna keep staring and I'd miss my turn."

"He's nice to look at," Cloud responded, holding off his laughter as her jaw dropped.

"I guess you've earned your right to stare at this point. I'm so glad things worked out," she told him, kind as always.

Biggs raised his glass. "I think we all are."

"I'll drink to that," Cloud said, raising his own glass.

He's lost track of how many times he'd done so now, but he was just as happy to do it again. Especially for Biggs. The poor guy—with Jess as Cloud's go to about so many of his Zack issues, there was no doubt Biggs had heard more than he cared to know about everything that lead up to this relationship.

"So that doesn't bother you?" Jess asked, gesturing toward the bar.

Cloud didn't need to look over to know she meant Zack and Adam. "Nah. Me and Zack are good. I get that they're friends still."

Really, Adam had given Zack a lot of perspective. That and some solid advice that had been a big push for him to deal with his feelings for Cloud. How could he feel anything other than gratitude toward the man who'd done that? There really was no need for jealousy.

"Good. He keeps looking over here."

"Zack?" he asked, glancing over this time. Sure enough, his boyfriend was looking his way, his smile growing as their eyes met across the room. Naturally Cloud smiled right back.

"Lovesick puppies," his friend repeated, laughing along with her boyfriend.

"You're one to talk," Cloud responded, raising both brows challengingly as he turned back to them. "Do I need to remind you how disgusting you two were when you finally got together?"

"Point taken," Jess conceded, nudging him playfully. "You're happy now, right?"

"I was happy before," he answered, very serious. Sure, he had his ups and downs, but didn't everyone? His general happiness had never been dependent on being with Zack. He'd come a long way, and had a lot to show for himself well before he and Zack sorted their shit out. "I'm definitely happier with him, if that's what you mean."

She smiled at that. "It is."

"There's a man watching you," Biggs said, eyes flickering over Cloud's shoulder. "One of Angeal's boyfriends."

Shit. He spun around to double check, and wasn't surprised to see that man was none other than Genesis. "I must be taking too long," he realized, looking to them regretfully. "I better go say hey before he gets upset. He _was_ the one who put all this together."

"You should swing by my place tomorrow. We're having a few people over for a movie marathon," Jess informed him. "Zack can come, obviously."

"Text me the details?"

"Yeah. See you later!"

He returned the sentiment before taking his leave, making his way over to Sephiroth and Genesis without further delay. They each pulled him in for a quick hug before he could sit down, then settled back into their own seats.

"Saving the best for last?" Genesis mused, quirking a brow because there was obviously a right answer to that question.

Cloud played right along since it was true anyway. "Of course. Everyone else only got a quick hello."

"And where's our other guest of honor?"

He nodded toward the bar where Zack and Adam had been joined by a few other co-workers for a drink—Angeal included. "He's not as good at quick hellos."

"Ah, I see. It is undoubtedly one of your many talents."

"Thanks," he muttered, almost a question.

"You're quite welcome."

"Genesis," Sephiroth said, giving the redhead a look.

"What? I meant it as a compliment! I can't even begin to tell you the number of functions I've attended where I _wished_ I could do the same."

"Um, since when is that an issue for you?" Cloud asked, a bit confused. "If you don't wanna talk to someone, you normally just tell them that."

"Exactly! You, my dear, are far more polite. You can get in and out of a conversation without offending anyone," Genesis explained, like this was a perfectly rational thing.

"But…since when do you _care_ about offending anyone?"

"It's not a matter of caring, it's just lost its entertainment value over the years."

"Right," Cloud muttered. And, okay, he didn't really get it, but oh well. "If you really want to master the quick hello, you should try working here for a while. It's pretty easy to get down."

Genesis smiled indulgently. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Thanks for doing this," he ventured, smiling a bit himself. To his own surprise, he found that he meant it. This night really hadn't been so bad after all. "You really didn't have to."

"You should be thanking Sephiroth and Angeal. They're the ones who contacted all the guests," Genesis informed him, which made sense. Angeal knew everyone over at AVALANCHE, and Sephiroth obviously had contacts at the Midgar Post. "All I did was make the appropriate arrangements with Tifa."

"It was also your idea," Sephiroth reminded him.

"And you're the one who got me and Zack here," Cloud added.

"I suppose that's accurate. Are you truly having a nice time?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"Then you're welcome for this as well."

"You were gonna pin it on Seph and Ang if I was miserable, weren't you?" Cloud realized, snorting when Genesis had no response. Sephiroth had raised a brow, though he didn't look surprised. "I guess I do have a track record at these things, huh?"

It was Genesis' turn to snort. "That's an understatement."

Maybe he'd been known to overreact about these sorts of things, sometimes staying in a sour mood for _days,_ but…"I just don't like being put on the spot. I'm not interested in being the center of attention."

"You and Zack are a good match then," Sephiroth noted rather accurately.

Zack, of course, was still laughing loudly with his friends by the bar. He had them hanging off his every word, not a single pair of eyes not on him. It had kind of been like that all night, Zack taking the lead at every table they approached. Sure, Cloud joined in, but it was really nice to have someone there to keep the pressure off even if he _was_ much better at dealing with people these days.

"Yeah," Cloud murmured, nodding along. "We are. He's…"

"Your gift of the goddess," Genesis finished with a whimsical sigh.

Normally Cloud would roll his eyes at Genesis' incessant need to throw in LOVELESS references, but he found he didn't mind this time. "You know, I know me and Zack have been kind of together for a little while now, and I see you probably as much as I see him—"

A couple nights a week, usually. It had become increasingly difficult not to fall back into his old pattern with Zack where somehow they ended up hanging out almost every day until they consumed all of each other's free time, especially now that Zack's latest work project had wrapped up and he was back on day shift. But they'd really managed. There was something fun about it—about texting and calling instead, knowing they were committed to this and they'd see each other soon enough.

And that left him with plenty of time to see his friends. To work, and have all the things he and Zack had discussed not giving up just to be together constantly. He even had time for himself, which was something he'd always needed—something Zack obviously needed, too. They really were treating it like the start of any other normal, healthy relationship.

No doubt they'd hit a point where their 'casual' relationship became just as serious as it really was, but they'd deal with that when the time came. When they'd proven they could handle it without screwing everything up again.

"We're just happy you're both so happy," Genesis cut in, waving off what would've been yet another _thank you._ That was the point he was getting to—he saw his friends all the time, but he'd yet to really tell them how much he appreciated their help over the last couple years. "I'd go through it all again if it meant seeing you exactly as you are right now."

"I'll make it up to you someday," Cloud promised, completely serious.

Sephiroth and Genesis exchanged a quick look. "You already have," the silver haired man informed him, causing him to arch a brow. "We would not have Angeal if not for you."

"Um. What?"

"It was infuriating watching you pine after Zack for so long," Genesis chimed in, shaking his head disdainfully. "Even more so when you wouldn't just tell him."

"It wouldn't have made a difference. Not back then."

"Yes, for you. But your experience became something of a learning one for me."

Cloud frowned. He'd heard part of this story, but not all of it—it wasn't like it was his business to pry into the intricacies of their relationship. "So you mean…"

"Angeal and I had a history of never getting the timing right. He was in and out of relationships for years, and by the time he was ready to pursue me, I'd met you," Genesis revealed with a tiny smile. "Then I was busy job hunting, and Sephiroth came along shortly after. There was always something— _someone._ By the time he got out of his previous relationship, I'd been watching you and Zack dance around each other for months."

"And you?" Cloud asked, chancing a curious look at Sephiroth.

"Genesis and I discussed his feelings for Angeal years ago. At some point, I began to regard him just as fondly," Sephiroth answered, like it was so simple. "He had come to care for me as well, but never considered what we have now."

Genesis nodded along. "We had to ease him into the idea of it to see if it was something he'd be open to."

"So you slept with him."

"A relationship like ours only works if everyone involved is on the same page. Angeal knew our intentions from the start. We just had to give him some time—time to accept his previous relationship had ended, and time to see if this was something he truly wanted with both of us."

"And you think you did all that because me and Zack?" Cloud asked, sincerely doubting it.

"Is it so hard to believe? I told you time and time again to _talk_ to Zack. To tell him how you felt. Yet there I was, ignoring my own feelings."

"You were already in a happy relationship though."

"With a man I knew would be just as happy to have Angeal as well," Genesis countered, looking to Sephiroth with a smile. Sephiroth returned it wordlessly. "So you see, dear, we owe you quite a bit. Your stubborn behavior opened my eyes to my own."

"Oh." Cloud blinked, not sure what to say. "Well…I'm glad my personal drama paid off for everyone."

"Cloud," Sephiroth started, right as Genesis huffed, "That's not what—"

"It worked out for me, too," Cloud reminded them, amused by the way they visibly relaxed. Then he folded his hands together on the table, leaning forward a little. "Just don't try throwing a party every month, otherwise we're gonna have a serious problem."

xxxxx

Somehow he'd made it through an entire day out in the city without noticing, even as an unexpected number of people stopped to look and point at him. It happened from time to time—with the correspondent work he did, he was sometimes recognized. That or from the pictures he sometimes posted on his blog. This went far beyond _occasional_ though, and it was his ex-boyfriend of all people who pointed it out to him.

"It's a nice picture," Carl told him, smiling a bit as he handed Cloud his coffee order.

Yeah, he still went into his favorite coffee shop almost every day. At first he'd avoided the place, feeling far too guilty to face the man he'd accidentally wronged. Zack didn't let him get away with that though, practically pushing him through the door a week later with promises that, _"You'll feel better once you've apologized."_

Apparently Zack had already gone in to apologize himself by then, so Cloud was helpless to argue. It had been relatively painless, Carl telling him there were no hard feelings—that he was just glad it ended before he got too attached. And then it was almost like it never happened. Cloud was back to stopping by most days, and Carl was back to his pleasant self. They were friendly without being friends, which was probably more than he deserved.

He wasn't sure what to make of Carl's comment today, so he just asked, "What picture?"

"Don't tell me you didn't see it," Carl said, chuckling quietly as Cloud blinked. "The massive billboard outside? I passed two more on my way in to work today."

"What billboard?" Cloud pressed, now baffled _and_ nervous.

"The one with your pretty face all over it. Turn right when you walk out of here, you can't miss it."

"I think I'll drink this here today," he decided, bringing his coffee to his lips. Something told him his mood would be souring the moment he stepped back outside.

Carl's amusement wasn't helping. "Suit yourself. It really is a nice picture though." Then he handed Cloud a muffin, saying something about no charge for the _celebrity._

All he could do was snort as he accepted it, thanking Carl before settling down at a small table by the window. He pulled out his phone right away, checking his messages and emails—none of his friends had messaged him about it, and his work email definitely didn't mention anything about any billboards.

So he did the first thing he could think of. He shot Zack a text about his absurd day, and then called Sephiroth.

"One moment," Sephiroth said in lieu of any greeting. He could hear a few other voices in the background, a clear sign that his friend was working—probably in some fancy business meeting. Either the meeting was wrapping up already, or Sephiroth was dismissing them early. "How are you, Cloud?"

"Why is my face all over the city?" Cloud asked instead, peering out the window of the coffee shop. The angle wasn't great, but he could definitely see part of the billboard Carl had mentioned. It wasn't just a bad joke—it was very real.

"Excuse me?"

"There are _billboards_ with my face on them," he explained quickly. "Why? Don't they need my permission to do things like that?"

"What are the billboards advertising?" Sephiroth inquired.

"Let me go check." Cloud collected his things and pushed his way out the door, getting a better look at the billboard in question. It was him alright—holding a microphone and _smiling_ the way he only would when he was on air. "It's News Seven."

"Do you have a contract with them?"

"No! I work for the paper, and my editor—" His mouth snapped shut at that. "He's the one who schedules the correspondent work. Do you think he authorized this?"

"It is a possibility. Have you received any form of unusual compensation lately?"

Cloud frowned as he thought it over. "Just my quarterly bonus. It was a bit more than I was expecting."

"You must have signed an authorization form at some point."

"I sign lots of things," he admitted with a sigh. Nondisclosure agreements, access forms, and more than a few legal forms that he may not have read in their entirety. "Is there a way to get them taken down? You're the boss, right?"

"I am the majority shareholder of the Post," Sephiroth said, which sounded an awful lot like, _yes, I own the paper_ as far as Cloud was concerned. "There is a board and editor-in-chief who oversees the day to day operations."

"But your vote counts more than anyone else's."

"I have no stake at News Seven. If they are the ones you've granted permission to use your likeness to, then there is nothing I can do."

Cloud groaned, slouching against the building. "This is the worst."

"Is it a bad photograph?"

"It's not—that's not the point!" he insisted, turning away as another random passerby pointed at him and whispered to their companion. "How would you feel if everywhere you went, people were pointing at you and talking about you?"

Because of all his friends, Sephiroth would be the one to understand. Genesis would be delighted, Zack amused…Angeal probably wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be the end of the world to him. Sephiroth though, there was a reason he chose to act as a silent owner to most of the businesses he invested in. He worked behind closed doors, not putting his image out there any more than was necessary.

"I imagine it would be highly uncomfortable," Sephiroth responded simply.

"I knew this TV stuff would come and bite me in the ass."

"You enjoy your work."

Cloud scoffed. "Yeah, when I'm doing a five minute segment that airs in the middle of the day. I get recognized _maybe_ twice a week from that."

"Allow me to make some calls," his friend offered, calm as always. "This may work to your advantage."

"What's that mean?" he wondered, not holding back his skepticism.

"I will call you later."

A moment later he was bidding Cloud farewell, and then hanging up. He stared at his phone, not quite sure if he was worried or reassured. The thing was, he tended to forget exactly who Sephiroth was sometimes. He wasn't Sephiroth Crescent, successful business mogul—he was just Cloud's friend.

It probably was a massive overreaction to call him of all people to help with such a silly problem. No doubt Sephiroth would be able to help him out, but now that the call was over, he felt bad for even asking. Shouldn't he have just called his editor first?

His phone was buzzing as he thought that over, causing him to jump in alarm. No way even Sephiroth had resolved his issue _that_ quickly.

Sure enough, it was just Zack responding to his message from before the call.

 _I need to see this! Send me pics :)_

Cloud smiled at his phone before lifting it up without much thought, zooming in to take a quick picture of the billboard. He sent it to Zack, tacking on a quick note about not wanting to hear what a good picture it was.

 _But it IS a good picture!_

Yeah, Zack was really lucky Cloud was still too stupidly in love to be annoyed. The message filled him with nothing but fondness, and he found himself walking toward AVALANCHE Headquarters instead of his own apartment. It was nearly time for his boyfriend's shift to end, and even though they didn't have plans, he really just wanted to see him now.

What he _didn't_ want was for an entire roomful of Zack's co-workers to cheer and whistle when he walked through the doors right after someone called out that the 'celebrity' had arrived.

"I hate you all," Cloud grumbled, no real heat behind his words. He was in there often enough to know most of the people who worked in Zack's section, and they were _definitely_ just trying to get him going.

"Is that any way to treat your adoring fans, Mr. Strife?"

His eyes snapped to one of the office doors in the back of the room, his boyfriend leaning against its open door frame—arms folded across his chest and looking entirely too innocent.

"You put them up to this," he accused, earning a few laughs from around the room.

Zack raised both hands defensively, but his smirk said enough. "I didn't even know you were coming."

Like he hadn't figured it out—Zack knew him better than anyone.

"Sure you didn't," Cloud said, crossing the room with as much fake irritation as he could muster. It was a lost cause by the time he was being pulled into Zack's office, more cheers and whistles coming from the room behind him. "Have I mentioned how glad I am that you have your own office now?"

"Multiple times," Zack responded, closing the door and pinning Cloud to it with a playful gleam in his eyes. "Have I mentioned how glad I am to have a celebrity for a boyfriend?"

"No, and you won't if you know what's good for you."

Zack snorted inelegantly. "C'mon, Spike! It can't be that bad. I mean, I thought you looked great!"

"It's not the picture, it's everyone in the city pointing and staring all day. I didn't even notice the damn thing until _Carl_ pointed it out to me," he admitted, letting out a long sigh—one that he'd been building up all day, and could only get out now that he was behind a closed door with Zack.

"I can see why that woulda been weird. You didn't know they were doing it?"

"I had no idea. I flipped out and called Seph after I messaged you—I think he's gonna take care of it."

"Take care of it?"

"I don't know, he said something about how it might work to my advantage," Cloud explained, shaking his head.

Zack tilted his head, thinking it over. "Well, Seph knows his stuff. If he said that, he must have something up his sleeve."

"Do you think I'm freaking out over nothing?"

"Uh." He paused, looking nothing but earnest as his eyes locked onto Cloud's. "Yes and no. I think anyone woulda been freaked out by all the attention if they didn't know what was going on. The billboard itself prob'ly isn't such a big deal."

"I don't even work for them officially! Why would they pick _me?"_

"Are you seriously asking that? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you know what I'm gonna say," Zack said, his voice dropping an octave as he scanned Cloud up and down. His heart rate picked up as it always did, and he became acutely aware of the position he was in—still against the closed door with Zack's arms boxing him in, all traces of playfulness forgotten. "Unless that's it. You just want me to tell you how friggin' amazing you are, and how good you look, and how any news station would be lucky to have you as their face."

"That's not—"

"Shh," he murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips to Cloud's like he wanted to kiss all the stress away.

It was a good plan. Cloud found himself melting into it, his mind filled with nothing but _Zack_ as his boyfriend quite literally took his breath away. He'd be lying if he said this wasn't what he came for—if he hadn't been hoping for a little distraction.

If only it could've lasted longer. Zack pulled back before either got carried away, giving Cloud a few more chaste pecks after he made the weirdest, most disgruntled sound ever. The kind that would've brought a blush to his face if he weren't already flushed and catching his breath.

A few more indulgent pecks later, Zack took a regretful step back. "I've still got some work to finish."

"Please tell me you don't have plans tonight." It was probably the closest to outright pouting that he'd come in a very long time.

"I don't, but _you_ do," Zack reminded him, raising both brows.

Oh, right. He was supposed to grab dinner with Tifa and her girlfriend. Something about how they only ever saw each other at the bar, and it'd be nice to catch up elsewhere. "Maybe you can come?"

"Spike. We talked about this."

"I didn't say I'd cancel, I just…" He inhaled a long breath, already knowing Zack was right. It was a slippery slope. They were still only a few months into all this—they needed to have lives outside of each other if they wanted to stay in this happy place they'd found. "How about after?"

Zack was still frowning. "Aren't you gonna be out late?"

"Not that late. Maybe you can stay over. Or I can stay over at yours?" he offered tentatively.

Something they used to do so often, but hadn't done since they started seeing one another. Not even for harmless cuddling. They really were easing themselves into things, probably taking things slower than most people would be willing to tolerate. Who really cared about how other people paced their relationship though?

What they were doing worked for them, and that was all that mattered. He actually felt closer to Zack than ever despite it all, and he'd happily fight anyone who tried to tell him he should feel otherwise.

"You don't have to say yes," Cloud added when the silence lasted a beat too long. "Or you can just come over for a bit and leave if you want. Today's just sucked, and I—"

"I'll be there," Zack interjected, smiling down softly. "As long as you're sure?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Text me if you change your mind. It's cool if you just wanna crash when you get home."

Cloud nodded his head. "Sure," he agreed, maybe a bit too eagerly.

He already knew that wouldn't be happening.

xxxxx

Most days, Cloud was able to recognize that he'd come a long way. That he was an adult now—a far cry from the overwhelmed teenager he'd been when he first arrived in Midgar. There were moments when it all came back to him though. Topics that made him wonder if anything had really changed at all.

Thankfully he had friends who were still happy to set him straight, even when it became redundant.

"Did it ever occur to you he's simply waiting for you to make the first move?" Genesis asked, hands on his hips.

Cloud frowned. "Um. No, not really."

The thing was, he and Zack had been together for a while now. Somewhere around the six month mark, and things only seemed to be getting better. He couldn't help noticing that nothing had really _happened_ between them though. They went on date after date, spent countless hours together—they'd even made sleepovers a semi-regular thing again.

But physically, they never went beyond kissing. Maybe their hands wandered and grasped, but strictly above the waist no matter how heated it got. If Zack's dark eyes was any indication, his boyfriend _definitely_ wanted more despite being the one to pull back every time.

"This may be my fault," the redhead admitted, but only after an exasperated sigh. "I mentioned your preferences to him, and he may have misunderstood."

"I still can't believe you told him about that."

"I apologized already! What more do you want from me?"

"You're right," Cloud sighed. It wasn't like he could hold a grudge. Sure, Genesis had no business discussing his sexuality with anyone—not even Zack—but the outcome had been worth the embarrassment just this once. "So you think he thinks I'm weird then?"

"I think he's being considerate. Would you prefer he were like me and made a move you weren't ready for a month into your relationship?"

Cloud laughed, no longer feeling awkward about _that_ ordeal. "I guess not."

"Tell me more," Genesis urged, settling down beside him. "Have you been thinking about this a lot?"

"Um. I don't really…" Think about sex the same way most people did. He didn't crave it or dwell on it. Sure, he enjoyed sex quite a bit when he was with someone he felt connected to, but he never felt like he needed it—not even on the days he wished he could just hop into bed with someone to distract himself like anyone else. "I guess it's been on my mind, and I know he's thinking about it. I'd definitely be comfortable with him, I mean…it's _Zack."_

"So if he made a move, you'd be happy to go along with it?"

"Yeah, definitely. We'd have fun."

"He's not going to do that, dear," Genesis told him, tsking like it was obvious. "You either need to make a move yourself, or discuss this with him so he knows it's okay to do so himself."

"I just wanna have a normal relationship without these stupid issues."

"You _do_ have a normal relationship. And this is hardly a stupid issue! Do you think Sephiroth and I hopped into bed without ever discussing our preferences?"

Cloud quirked a brow. "Um. Didn't you have hate sex in the theatre before you got together?"

"Aside from that one time!" the redhead insisted, a guilty smirk on his face when Cloud laughed. "The point is, we _did_ end up having an extensive talk before it became a regular part of our relationship. How do you think we ended up agreeing on bringing the occasional guest to our bed?"

"What did you think back then?" he wondered, a question that had crossed his mind many times over the year, but he'd been too reluctant to ask. "About me, and all this?"

Genesis considered it for a moment. "Well, I didn't exactly have all the information, did I? I thought you were just a bit of a traditionalist—waiting until we'd been together longer. It was endearing."

"Right, traditionalist," he grumbled, rolling his eyes at the thought. He was the furthest thing from that. As far as he was concerned, people should be able to have as much safe, consensual sex as they wanted—it just so happened that he didn't want as much as everyone else. "But after we'd…I talked to you about it after."

"I would never judge you or think less of you, dear. You should know that."

"I _do_ know that. I'm just asking what you thought at the time."

"I wish you'd told me sooner," Genesis admitted with a shrug. "I would've done exactly what Zack's doing now and waited. Other than that, I didn't think much about it at all. I was still very much in love with you at the time."

He scoffed. Why did Genesis always have to say that? They broke up long before their relationship could get _that_ serious. "You were not."

"Yes, I was, and I would've done anything to help you sort through every confused thought in that precious head of yours. It must've been much more confusing back then."

"It was." And it had been a very long time since he'd had to explain himself to anybody. "I guess it couldn't hurt to talk to him."

"No, it couldn't." Genesis eyes him thoughtfully, a peaceful silence lingering between them. "Did you ever think we'd reach this point after we broke up?"

Both his brows shot up, not expecting that _at all._ Genesis was fond of nostalgia, but not so much of hypotheticals. "Not really. I thought you'd hate me after all that."

"I wanted to," he admitted, letting out an amused breath. "Things are never quite so simple with you. I have to say, I'm pleased we somehow made it through the years with our friendship intact."

It felt like a lifetime ago…Genesis wanting a more serious relationship, Cloud getting more freaked out by the day. The explosive argument where Genesis called him out for bottling so much up—Cloud suggesting they end it before things got worse. Whenever it came up in conversation, they called it an amicable split, but now that he thought about it…they hadn't talked for a few weeks after that day.

"I'm glad, too," Cloud breathed, so genuinely meaning it. Where would he be without this impossible man? It took some work to repair their friendship, but it was worth every headache. "I'm glad it ended up like this. We're better off this way."

Genesis nodded. "Indeed."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass. I know I was frustrating back then."

"Back then? A lot has changed, my dear, but you are still infuriating. What are you even doing here still? I told you to go talk to Zack at least ten minutes ago!" He glared at his friend, but was quickly on his feet when Genesis glared right back. "Let me know how it goes, yes?"

He glanced back over his shoulder on his way to the door. "Uh. Are you asking to hear about it if I get laid?"

"It's only natural you'd want to discuss all the details with a friend, and since your boyfriend happens to be your best friend—"

"You're volunteering?" Cloud snorted. This man…

"I think we can both agree, of all your friends, I have the best perspective on this situation."

"Riiight. And that's the only reason you want to hear about it."

"I don't appreciate your tone, Cloud."

He smiled indulgently, deciding it'd be best to just let him win this time. It wasn't like Genesis was wrong—there was a good chance he'd want to talk with someone other than Zack when all was said and done.

xxxxx

Talking had never been Cloud's strong suit. Whatever determination he'd had when he left Genesis' that day had fizzled out before he made it home, leading to another week of heated make out sessions that ended in breathless frustration. Sexual frustration on Zack's part—just normal frustration on Cloud's. It took a bit more than a hot kiss to really get him going, though he did quite enjoy the kissing bit.

So, he'd settled on option B. Zack could take a hint, right?

 _Wrong,_ as it turned out. Cloud had tried pulling his boyfriend back after he stepped away, he'd guided Zack's hands further down, he'd let his _own_ hands wander under the hem of Zack's shirt—clearly he wasn't thinking big enough. He was just so used to going with the flow. Taking this all day by day and letting Zack steer him in the right direction since he was good at this whole relationship thing.

But Genesis had definitely been right on this one. No matter how much Zack clearly wanted him, nothing was going to happen if he didn't take matters into his own hands. So he did, kind of.

After one too many failed attempts at making his intentions clear, he found himself straddling his boyfriend's lap right in the middle of their movie night. An impulsive decision, but well worth it to hear the surprised gasp that came from his boyfriend just as he brought their lips together.

Zack's reaction was almost instantaneous, hands on Cloud's waist like he wanted to anchor him there. Not that it was necessary—he had no plans on moving any time soon, and he did his best to convey that message as he kissed Zack. By the time they hit the point where Zack would normally take a step back, he nipped at his boyfriend's lower lip before trailing a few kisses down his neck.

"Cloud," Zack tried, breathing uneven as the blond rolled his hips down purposefully.

"Hm?" he acknowledged, fingers working the top button of Zack's shirt.

"Hey," his boyfriend mumbled, reaching out to cup Cloud's cheek just firmly enough to draw his gaze before he could think to look away. "Are you tryin' to seduce me or something?" Stupid, racing heart. All he could manage was half-nod. "Are you…Do you wanna talk about this first?"

"Not really."

"I kinda do, if that's okay."

"And if it's not?"

"We don't _have_ to talk, but we're not doing anything until we do, so it's up to you."

"Okay." Cloud nodded a few times, taking a deep breath. Gaia, he hated these conversations. They could be half naked by now. "I want you."

"I want you, too."

"I'm ready for more. Physically."

"Think it's safe to say we're on the same page with that."

He quirked a brow. "Okay. Good talk."

"Uh, whoa, hold up," Zack said, turning his face instead of allowing Cloud to steal another kiss. A serious expression settled onto has face when Cloud stopped, fingers digging into the blond's hips before he could squirm away from the scrutiny of it. "Hey, don't get me wrong. I _really_ want this. I'm just trying to figure out what changed overnight."

"I've been dropping hints all week!"

"Have you?"

"I didn't say they were good hints," he shrugged.

Zack laughed his favorite laugh, light and airy. "I musta missed them. Sorry."

"Yeah, well. I love you, so I guess I'll let it slide this time."

"Aw, thanks, babe," Zack teased, giving him a sloppy peck on the lips. "I love you too, you know."

"So are you going to let me seduce you now?"

"Uh, I kinda wanna hear more about these hints I missed."

"No way. It's not my problem if you weren't paying attention."

"Then maybe you'll tell me what you're hoping for tonight. Seems like you're in some kinda rush all of a sudden."

"I'm not…That's not what it's like."

"Then what's it like?"

"I've just been ready for a while, and it seemed like maybe you were waiting for me to show you that. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure," Cloud told him firmly. "I'd be halfway across the room and making excuses to get out of here if I wasn't into this."

"Okay," Zack nodded like he mostly understood—more importantly, like he _believed_ it. "Carry on."

Cloud eyed him for a long minute before laughing right in his face. "Yeah, uh. I think the moment's passed now. Sorry."

He wasn't really sorry. How could he be? Zack didn't look disappointed or upset—he looked _happy,_ like just having that conversation was a big enough step for one night. The sight made Cloud's heart swell in that same weird way it always did around Zack, so damn glad to have such an amazing boyfriend. All traces of concern left his body, realizing with an absolute certainty that they'd handle this the way they handled everything else in their relationship…at their own pace, one baby step at a time.

"So talking doesn't do it for you, huh?"

"Not this kinda talking."

Zack looked very interested. "Yeah? What kinda talking _does_?"

"I think this conversation's over," Cloud decided, not bothering to hide his grin when he saw Zack's playful pout. He slid off his boyfriend's lap, nuzzling right up into his side instead. By the time Zack's arm was around his shoulder, he only had one complaint. "I have no idea what's going on in the movie now."

"It was kinda lame anyway," Zack responded, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Wanna go for ice cream or something?"

"Yeah, actually. Can we walk? I could use the air."

"Yeah, me too."

He hopped off the couch, offering Cloud a hand that was willingly accepted. And then their fingers were interlocked, a smile on both their faces as they headed out together.

xxxxx

Lifestream.

Months and months of _be patient, Cloud,_ and _it will be worth the attention_ reassurances later, Cloud understood what Sephiroth had been up to when he suggested Cloud let the billboard issue go. He'd taken to wearing a hat or a hood when he was in public, but only for the first week—after that it seemed most people had lost interest.

Yeah, he might've blown it out of proportion after all. But it wasn't like he'd ever been on a billboard before—how could he have known what would happen? How could he have known that having his face plastered across the city would lead him to a closed door meeting at Sephiroth's main office, being recruited for a very interesting opportunity?

"So you broadcast _and_ stream the news?" Cloud concluded, making sure he understood the gist of the elaborate presentation he'd just received.

And not just the news, from what he gathered. It was a new network poised to broadcast a variety of programming, from the specialized news programming to lifestyle shows—also available to stream in and outside of the city, which was probably the key to its success. The internet was on the rise, which was doing a number on the news industry.

There were nods from across the room, the main spokesman chiming in with a clear, "That's correct."

Cloud nodded in understanding. "And you want me…to be the face of this?"

"Ratings went up ten percent after News Seven put your face to their name, with an additional several percent being added every time you were actually on the air," he was informed, which made his eyes go wide. He had no idea. "We'd be lucky to have you."

"There will be a no compete clause in your contract," Sephiroth told him, getting right to the point. "You will no longer be able to represent News Seven or any broadcast network in any manner, whether it be via billboard or correspondent work."

"What about my current obligations? I assume my editor set up some kind of deal with them."

"We will buy out your contract if that is the case."

"Seph, I—" He promptly closed his own mouth when he heard gasps around the room. Right. This was a formal meeting, and Sephiroth was _Mr. Crescent_ to all these people. "I'm not sure I feel right allowing that."

Sephiroth didn't even blink. "We stand to make more with your involvement than we would lose in the payout."

"With my face you mean," he laughed, the whole thing a bit absurd. He was at the point in his life where could acknowledge that he was good looking, sure—he was no model though. "Is that really how you want to bring in viewers?"

"It doesn't matter how we bring them in—our quality content will keep them coming back," the spokesperson explained, a bit too eagerly. "You have a reputation for providing that as well."

"What about my job at the paper?" Cloud pressed, looking only to Sephiroth for his answer.

"If you wish to maintain two jobs, that is your prerogative," his friend responded. "Your obligations with Lifestream will be fulltime."

Huh. So he'd have to quit, or drop down to one or two articles a week, he realized, nodding along. That wouldn't be so bad, and it'd keep his foot in the door. Not that he expected to need it—Sephiroth didn't put his money behind anything he wasn't sure about.

"And the blog?"

"It will be through Lifestream's website," Sephiroth answered smoothly. "You will still dictate its content."

Anyone else and he might've been skeptical, but he didn't doubt a word out of Sephiroth's mouth. There was _a lot_ of paperwork he needed to look through though—an entire stack had been given to him when he walked through the door. From what he would actually be doing on a day to day, to publicity needs, to a pay agreement…It was enough to make his head spin, and he really needed to look over everything this time around.

"When do you need an answer?"

"Within two weeks' time."

"Okay. I need to look everything over, but I'll let you know," Cloud promised, smiling a bit when he saw the slight curve at the corner of Sephiroth's mouth—a smile just for him, that no one else in the room was meant to notice.

He was on his feet a moment later, shaking more hands than he cared to count before being ushered out of the room. They were a suit and tie bunch, very busy apparently. It would've been overwhelming if Sephiroth hadn't been around—his friend just made it amusing with the almost smiles and stolen glances. Soon Cloud was on the elevator, paperwork folded to his chest with one arm while he eyed his phone with his free hand. No surprise, there was already a message from Sephiroth letting him know he'd be free to go over all the paperwork the following evening.

 _Thanks Mr. C ;)_

Yeah, he wasn't sure if it'd make Sephiroth laugh, but he thought his response was pretty funny.

"What're you grinning at?"

His head shot up from his phone, instantly recognizing Zack's voice. "I'm grinning because I'm hilarious," Cloud told him, practically beaming as he stepped off the elevator. He went right in for an awkward, one armed hug—paperwork be damned. "What're you doing here?"

"I got off early, and Seph told me about the big meeting. I thought maybe we could celebrate?"

"Yeah, definitely. There's nothing to really celebrate yet, but we should do something," he agreed eagerly.

"Uh, there's plenty to celebrate," Zack told him, glancing him up and down. "First, you're in a suit."

"Sephiroth's office is a serious place of business."

Zack snorted. "Yeah, I can see that," he said, glancing around the building. It was _very_ nice. "Second, you got a badass new job offer."

"Do you even know what it is?"

"Of course! Seph told me way before he told you," his boyfriend revealed, shrugging unapologetically at the look he received for that. "It was s'posed to be a surprise."

"It's a pretty good offer. I'm just not sure—"

"Ah!" Zack pressed a finger to his lips before he could finish, shaking his head. "You can think about that tomorrow. Tonight's for celebrating, remember? Your cute suit, your job offer, and most importantly…Do you even know what today is?"

"Um. Thursday?" Cloud responded slowly, quirking a brow.

"And?"

He furrowed his brows, at a complete loss. It wasn't a holiday, it wasn't a birthday, and they were still a few months out from their first anniversary. "Is there anything, or are you just stalling for time until you can make something up?"

"Spike! I'm offended you even hafta ask." Zack _tsked,_ holding a hand over his heart like he was wounded—clearly he'd been spending too much time with Genesis. "It's our friendship anniversary!"

"Oh," he murmured, a bit too stunned to say much else. Until it hit him. "Wait a minute, it can't be! We celebrated that—"

"Okay, okay, I was stalling for time! I just wanna wine and dine you. Is that so bad?"

Cloud was hopelessly endeared. "I already said yes."

"What're we waiting for then?" Zack gave him a quick kiss before snatching his free hands, lacing their fingers the way he always did. As usual, it felt just right—like puzzle pieces finally being put into the right spot. "So, what're you feeling like? Fancy restaurant? I can go change."

"Nah. I kinda wanna get out of this actually."

Zack winked. "I'm down for that, too."

He feigned as much indifference as he could, but Zack's smirk said he wasn't doing too well. "Maybe we can just order pizza?"

"I'm offering to take you out wherever you wanna go, and you wanna stay in and get pizza?"

"Um. Yeah."

His boyfriend shook his head, a toothy grin plastered on his face. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

"Once or twice."

"Well, I'm saying it again. I love you."

"And my amazing taste in food."

Zack chuckled, but didn't deny it. "How'd you get here anyway? Is your bike parked somewhere?"

"I rode in with Seph. I didn't even _know_ about this meeting until today. Gen booked a fake interview to kidnap me at lunch, then when went to his place to play dress up," he explained, Zack's laughter making it impossible to feel even remotely as annoyed as he had at the time.

It was a _little_ silly since he would've gone to the Lifestream presentation if they'd just told him about it, but whatever. He learned long ago it was better to pick and choose his battles with Genesis, and if that meant letting the man pick out his suit, so be it. He kind of already knew why his friend had resorted to such 'extremes', and it was more than just to surprise him.

Ever since he and Zack had started exploring the physical side of their relationship, they'd slowly taken to spending more and more time together again. It wasn't like they were all over each other constantly, but once the barriers started coming down, it was impossible not to want more. They weren't exactly falling back into their unhealthy, co-dependent patterns, having learned their lesson about that a long time ago, but…

Maybe they'd come up with an excuse to get out of dinner with their friends earlier that week. In all fairness, it was because they'd missed out on their own date night when one of Zack's shifts ran late the day before, but still. He could understand why Genesis or any of his friends might take the cancellation as a sign that he and Zack were getting lost in their own little world again.

"So is your bike at their place?" Zack asked as they got into his car. Cloud just nodded. "Huh. Do you wanna swing by to get it now, or I can bring you tomorrow?"

"I have a feeling they won't let me take it tonight."

Zack chanced a quick glance over as he drove, brows raise. "They're holding it hostage?"

"So that we'll have to go see them this weekend." Or so he assumed. Judging by the guilty expression on Zack's face, he thought it was a reasonable conclusion as well. "It was only one dinner. We've been really good about spending time with all our friends."

"Yeah, but one dinner turns into two really fast, Spike."

"It won't," Cloud insisted, adamant. "I think we really got this right, you know?"

"This?"

"Our relationship. I was in so deep before we even started—this coulda been train wreck. I would've spent every hour of every day with you if you'd let me, but now?"

"It does kinda change your perspective, huh? Makes me appreciate the time we spend together even more. You should hear the shit my team at work gives me every time you so much as _text_ me. Even they can tell how much better my day gets."

"I'm the same way. I don't think it's a big deal anymore, you know? Spending more time together lately. We've been together a while now," he said, unbuttoning his suit jacket. Leave it to Genesis to pick a very snug, uncomfortable suit just because it looked nice. "It's kinda normal, right? To spend more time together after a while?"

He was genuinely asking because while it seemed like a fair assumption, he'd never really reached this point in the relationship game before. They'd naturally transitioned from dating a couple nights a week, to dating and hanging out more than a couple nights a week, to doing the same but with the occasional sleepover, to this wonderful place they were in now—where they still had lives outside of one another, but saw each other pretty much on a daily basis. Where their boundaries and walls had come down, and things only ever seemed to get better.

"Yeah, it is," Zack agreed, glancing over at him again. "Are you stripping in my car?"

Cloud laughed, trying his best to finagle himself out of the suit jacket from behind his seatbelt. "No, just getting this off." And maybe loosening his bowtie and untucking his button up. "It's way too tight."

"Aw. Thought I was in for a show."

"Yeah, I'd rather not crash and die. Maybe next time."

Zack snorted. "I'd rather undress you myself anyway. How hungry are you?"

"Uh. Not very," he shrugged. "Why?"

There was no response for several minutes, Zack apparently very focused on the road. He helped gather up the paperwork in Cloud's lap once they'd finally gotten back to their building, keys in his other hand as he lead them inside without a word. Cloud didn't even bat an eye when Zack went to his door, using the key he'd never returned after moving across the hall.

"Is everything—" he finally began, the silence growing a bit too drawn out.

His words were cut off by a single glance as Zack set his paperwork down on the counter, eyes recognizably tinted. It was a look he'd become intimately familiar with, and one he knew he'd never tire of seeing.

There was something so addictive about the way Zack _wanted_ him. Sure, he enjoyed the release that would inevitably follow, but this was what he'd really come to crave. The way Zack made him feel like he was _everything_ with just that one look. It so painstakingly obvious how Zack felt about him in these moments—there was a depth to it that showed so much more than simple desire.

And fuck, he'd by lying if he said he didn't want to see that same look up close and personal.

He slung his suit jacket over one of the chairs at his kitchen table before fully removing his bowtie, fingers moving right to the buttons of his shirt. Zack was on him before he got a single one undone, his large hands covering both of Cloud's and preventing him from getting a single one undone.

"What're you doing?" he muttered, standing so close Cloud could feel the heat of his breath on his face.

He leaned in closer yet, letting go of Cloud's hands. They fell straight to the blond's sides, heart pounding as Zack waited patiently for an answer.

"Um." Wasn't it obvious? "You know exactly what I was doing."

"I already told you, I'd rather undress you myself."

 _Oh._ All he could do was nod dumbly, a faint blush spreading over his cheeks as Zack's lips grazed his neck.


	6. Part Three, Cont

Final chapter, and it's a short one! :-) Please note this one is entirely from Zack's perspective. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed this fic in some way!

* * *

 **Part Three, Continued**

* * *

After being friends for so long, and spending almost a full year in a relationship, Zack liked to think he knew Cloud pretty well. Better than anyone. From his quirks, to his habits, to his mannerisms…he'd catalogued it all, remembering each detail just as fondly as the next.

So when Cloud started tapping his foot during their dinner date, he knew what it meant right away. Something was up. He also knew how to handle it. The key was not to push the subject immediately, instead just carrying on with their normal conversation—having a nice time recapping their days, and making each other laugh the way they always did.

And when things fell silent, he knew to keep waiting, offering only an encouraging nod when the hesitation became too apparent on his boyfriend's face.

"I saw Luxiere today," Cloud revealed, his voice quiet.

 _That_ Zack didn't know how to handle. He found himself blinking, unaffected, but unsure what to say—unsure where this was going. "For work?"

Cloud nodded slowly. "Yeah, he kinda swung by my office. Something about celebrating my last fulltime day at the Post."

Zack made no secret of the way he rolled his eyes. Of course Luxiere would be happy Cloud was moving on from the Midgar Post—he still worked for ShinRa, presumably. Lifestream hadn't even launched yet, so it was unknown how successful Cloud's new venture would be.

"You know," Zack started, hand on the back of his neck. "I get why you'd wanna tell me you saw him, but it's cool, Spike. I'm not—"

"Here," the blond interjected, pulling a folded paper from his pocket and sliding it to Zack over the table. Zack just eyed it skeptically before looking back to his boyfriend, brows raised. "He said he hasn't heard from you in a while—that you stopped returning his messages."

"Yeah, been kinda busy," Zack responded with a wink. It didn't get the reaction he'd been hoping for this time. The foot tapping fidget had resumed, and Cloud's gaze was fixated elsewhere. "Did he say something else to you?"

"I didn't ask you to stop talking to him."

"No, you didn't," he agreed easily.

"Do you remember before you broke up with him, you told me—"

Zack groaned because _now_ he understood where this was going. "Cloud. Things are different now."

"You told me even if you two _did_ end up breaking up, you'd stay in touch. You said you'd been through too much together," Cloud finished, looking more than a little torn.

"We didn't exactly end on the best note."

"You told me by the time it was over, you were both done. That you had a good, long talk, and that was that. That's not a bad note."

"Maybe, but it's not like we hadn't grown apart by then. What did we even have in common anymore? What is it I'm supposed to talk to him about now?" Zack asked, shrugging because he really didn't know. "I don't see why it matters. I mean, you didn't even like him. What's the big deal?"

"He…he kind of insinuated that I was keeping you from him."

"You're not. All the time we spend together? That's my choice. I'm with you because I _want_ to be. Because I love you. You know that."

"Yeah, but if—"

"We don't owe him an explanation, Cloud," Zack insisted firmly.

"Can you at least read that? It's been driving me nuts all day."

"You didn't look at it?"

He shook his head, sighing. "No. I wanted to, but I didn't."

"You know I'm over him, right? I dunno what this says, but it doesn't affect you and me. At all."

"No, I know that. I trust you. It's just the things he was saying, they kinda hit me from nowhere."

"What else did he say?"

"I don't even know. He started going on about how when he was with you, he didn't stop you from seeing me—how it wasn't right for me to stand in the way of your friendship. Then he told me how I'd understand how it felt a few years down the line when…"

Zack watched as his boyfriend visibly deflated, shoulders sinking forward as he let out another built up sigh. The sight alone was heartbreaking. "Spike…" He reached out, tapping the table so Cloud would take a hint and take his hand. Then he squeezed it, a gentle smile on his face. "Is that what you're really worried about? You and me breaking up a few years down the road?"

"I can't lose you. If things don't work out it's one thing, but if you stop talking to me?"

"That's not gonna happen. I can't say how the future's gonna go, but I can tell you for sure you're not getting rid of me that easily. I _love_ you."

"You loved him."

"A different version of me loved the _idea_ of him. You get the real me. You get the person I wanted to be when I was with him—the person I _couldn't_ be for all those years. It doesn't even compare."

"Things can change. Things _do_ change, all the time."

This was it, he realized. The moment of truth. Genesis had warned him about it on more than one occasion—that the day would come when Cloud have this exact freak out. That what he said could make or break their relationship. From everything he knew, what he had with Cloud was much stronger and much deeper, but that didn't mean he shrugged off the free advice.

Instead he considered it with his own thoughts, his own experiences, and his own feelings. He was ready for this. Maybe he couldn't promise Cloud forever like he wanted to. Like his heart was telling him he absolutely should. But that was only because he knew Cloud wouldn't want to hear it. What Cloud needed was for things to be put into perspective—not weighty promises with no real guarantees.

"We've been through a lot together, Spike," he started, piecing it all together as he went. "I knew you when you were jobless. When you worked for Tifa. I was there when you got your job at the Post, and when you started landing on TV. You're right, things _do_ change all the time. Right now things are changing—you're about to start _another_ new chapter of your life."

"It's kinda scary."

"It's exciting," Zack corrected, grinning at the scoff he got for that. "We get to grow and change _together,_ Spike. I'm here, and I'm gonna be here no matter how this new job works out for you. And, you know, if I up and decide to leave AVALANCHE in five years, I'm sure you'll be there for me."

"But what if—"

"Maybe we get new jobs, maybe we get new hobbies—maybe I'll decide I like cabbage in a few years. Who knows? I'm sure we'll learn new shit, and see some things differently. That doesn't mean who we are as people's gonna change. I'm still gonna be the big dork who somehow caught your eye, and you're still gonna be the quiet nerd I can't get enough of."

Cloud seemed to be processing, his expression neutral as he sat there quietly for several minutes. Then he nodded, Zack spotting the slightest hint of a smile on his face. "This is stupid, isn't it? Thinking about it so much."

"It's not stupid. Lux _knows,_ Spike. You told him you didn't believe in happy endings, remember? He's not the kinda guy to forget, and he's not the kinda guy to say shit without a reason. He was trying to get under your skin, and it worked."

"Why though? Why now after all this time?"

"I don't know," was the best answer he could offer.

It was a good question. Something told him the letter on the table wouldn't hold that answer—that he wouldn't really know unless he spoke to Luxiere to find out. Maybe that was the goal all along. Zack had started ignoring the man's texts and calls, so approaching Cloud was the best way to get his attention. Why he wanted it though, that made no sense. They'd been over for a very long time. The last exchange they'd had was a simple _happy birthday_ text, and Zack sent those out to virtually everyone.

"I thought we had an understanding," Cloud admitted after a minute, slumping further. "The last time I saw him before today, he was almost…nice? I don't know how to describe it."

"Wasn't that the day he and I broke up?"

"Yeah. He looked like shit—like it'd all been weighing on him a lot."

"Doesn't mean it was a life altering experience for him. You just caught him in a weak moment. Don't forget how he treated you before that. He only ever tried to be nice to you when it was convenient for him."

"So the only reason you don't talk to him anymore is because you don't want to? Not because of me?"

"We grew up, we grew apart, and that's okay. I've got nothin' to say to him."

Cloud looked a little lost in his own head again, but by the end of it, he was smiling a bit. "I don't think I could ever run out of things to say to you."

"Good, 'cause I've got plenty to say to you, too."

xxxxx

He only read the stupid letter because Cloud asked him to do it and he'd yet to really figure out how to say no to anything Cloud wanted. The stipulation had been that they'd read it together, and only after a few days had gone by. Cloud had enough on his plate starting his new job—there was no need to pile on any added stressors.

So they'd enjoyed those days, Cloud focused on learning his new job, and Zack supporting him every step of the way. By the weekend they'd settled onto the couch together and pulled the letter back out. It ended up being very…vague. Vague and apologetic, with a plea to meet up as friends.

"You should go," Cloud had urged him, looking so earnest. He'd tried to protest, but it was a pointless effort when he looked into those big, blue eyes. There was no worry or jealousy—no paranoia about the whole ordeal. Cloud genuinely wanted him to go because, "Maybe it'll give you some closure."

And, yeah. Zack didn't really need any closure, but it occurred to him that Luxiere might keep trying if he ignored the note entirely. That just wouldn't do, and that was why he found himself in a coffee shop a few days later, sipping his tea with disinterest as he waited for his ex-boyfriend to walk through the doors.

When Luxiere finally showed up, Zack's eyes went wide. "I didn't even know you owned jeans," he joked right away, floored by what he was seeing.

Luxiere's idea of relaxed clothing had always been business casual. Now he was not only in jeans, but a t-shirt—both of which looked suspiciously new. Otherwise he looked about the same as Zack remembered. Or the same as he had before the last couple months of their relationship, when things had fallen apart. Hair neatly slicked back, face clean shaved. It almost made him look a little displaced in his current clothing, but Zack kept that thought to himself.

"It's good to see you, Zack," Luxiere began, taking a seat without even bothering to go order whatever fancy latte he normally got. "You look nice. Happy."

"I am happy," Zack shrugged, waiting a beat for something else to be said. When it wasn't, he got right to the point. "What're we doing here, Lux?"

"Catching up. We've been friends for a long time."

"We _haven't_ been friends for a long time."

"We spent years together. This time apart is nothing in comparison."

Zack quirked a brow. "This isn't time apart. Our lives went in two separate directions."

"I don't _want_ to go in separate directions. I know it's a little late, but I'm trying my best to catch up to you here."

"Uh. Okay? I don't really know what you mean."

"I got in over my head," Luxiere admitted, eyes falling to the table. "At work. I, uh. Well, I ended up quitting."

"That's…wow," Zack murmured, blinking a few times. "I'd say that's great, but you don't look happy about it."

"I've been with the company since we graduated. I thought I'd stay there until I retired—keep working my way up," he said, shaking his head. "I never imagined being forced to resign so early on."

"Whoa, wait a sec. Forced to resign? That's a lot different than quitting."

"I would've left either way. One of my projects didn't go so well."

"One of your cover up projects."

"…Yeah. AVALANCHE derailed it, and then we got slaughtered in the media," he explained dismally. "The real issue wasn't even something my department caused. We just didn't spin it effectively, and I became the scapegoat for the whole thing. _That's_ the way they're spinning it now. It was my mistake, not the company's."

"You know there's a good chance I was involved in whatever AVALANCHE did, right?"

"I know. I figured you still work with them."

"And you know there's a good chance my boyfriend was one of those media people?"

"He was," Luxiere grumbled, raking a hand through his hair. "Of course he wouldn't leave the Post before screwing me over _again."_

"I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but I'm not sorry for my involvement or for Cloud's. You and me both know ShinRa's bad news, and they're the ones who're really at fault here. This isn't anything new."

"I get it now. You were right…all that time, you were right about ShinRa. After all I did for them, they just threw me out like that! I'm done trying to defend them," he insisted, reaching across the table and grasping at Zack's hand.

He pulled it back right away, the contact no longer easy or comfortable like it once was. "What're you doing?"

"I'm growing up, Zack. I'm changing. I'm getting a new job, and starting a new life. Everything you said you wanted from me, you can have."

His head was immediately filled with countless thoughts. Thoughts of change, and his conversation with Cloud about how it constantly happened. No doubt that was true for Luxiere as well. He just wasn't a person Zack saw himself growing and changing with, as a friend or otherwise. Even with the ShinRa issue removed, they were too different at their cores—they saw the world in a different light.

"I don't want anything from you," he said simply.

"Is it because I didn't up and quit on my own? Because I would've, Zack. I just needed more time. You've always been the impulsive one between us. I wish I could be more like that."

"You hated that about me. How many times did you tell me I needed to think before I acted?" Zack wondered, laughing at the memories. He wasn't even bitter—he just didn't care anymore.

"I love you."

Zack snorted, ready to all out laugh until he saw the hurt spreading across Luxiere's face. "You don't love me. You're just going through a hard time, and reaching out for something familiar. Let me guess, all your old ShinRa buddies don't wanna talk anymore?"

"They don't really…It's complicated."

"I know. I remember when that happened to me."

"But you still had _me._ I don't have anyone."

"Did I have you? Because I seem to remember you telling me leaving was a huge mistake every day after I quit. Asking me to go back—telling me about the promotion you'd get for convincing someone from AVALANCHE to come back to ShinRa."

He paused there, the sad look in Luxiere's eyes impossible to ignore. It wasn't like it used to be when he'd want to pull the man into his arms and comfort him, but that didn't mean he was a cruel person. They had history, and he couldn't feel right about kicking the guy while he was already down.

So Zack continued in a lighter tone, "This could be really good for you. You'll get a fresh start—you can do anything you want now! You don't need me for that. I know you have friends from outside ShinRa. Contacts you've made. You're not alone."

"I _do_ need you," Luxiere insisted. "I know your boyfriend doesn't like me, but that's not fair. I put up with him when we were together!"

"You complained about me spending time with him every chance you got."

"He was in love with you!"

"I'm in love with him," Zack responded, smiling the same dopey smile he always did when he thought about Cloud. "You know, he's the only reason I'm here right now. I didn't wanna come, but he told me I should. So your logic's messed up."

"But _why?_ You used to respond to my messages. You used to—"

"We're not friends, Lux. We're not anything. You're a thing from the past—someone I used to know, but lost contact with. It's normal to stop staying in touch when you grow apart from someone."

"I'm sitting here telling you I changed. I'm still changing. I can be a better person. A better friend."

Zack nodded his head slowly. "You can be. I know that."

"So…?"

"Friends have common interests. They care about each other, and not just when they need something. You and me have nothing but memories. There's no moving forward here."

"You say it like the memories are all bad. We had good times together."

"Yeah, we did," he agreed honestly. "I'll always appreciate those years—they taught me a lot. I wouldn't be who I am today if I'd never met you."

"I tried to move on, you know. I had a boyfriend for a while," Luxiere admitted, frowning a little. "He worked for ShinRa."

"He broke up with you when you quit?" Zack assumed, getting a nod in response. "I'm sorry."

"It made me realize a lot of things. You were always there, and it was never contingent on anything. And your smile…I think that's what I miss the most. No one smiles like you do. No one else can light up an entire room without a word."

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" Zack wondered, giving him a pointed look. "I know what you're doing. You're clinging to little things—grabbing onto one or two good memories and blocking out the rest. I mean, my smile? You used to tell me I smiled _too much._ That it wasn't good for business."

"That was at work. I—"

"You hated how I never took things seriously enough. I drove you crazy, Lux! Yeah, we had our moments, but we're so much better off now. You and me breaking up was the best thing that coulda happened to either of us."

"How can you say that? We wouldn't have spent so many years together if there was nothing between us."

"I love Cloud. Like, a ridiculous amount. I never even knew it was possible to feel the way I do about him," Zack said, holding Luxiere's gaze evenly to make sure he was hearing this clearly. "I think you knew it before I did, and you know…I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I let our relationship drag out even when I was already sure it was over. You didn't deserve that shit."

"Zack—"

He shook his head, not done yet. "I've moved on though, and I'm not interested in looking back. Cloud's it for me."

"But—"

"You're so lucky, Lux. I know you prob'ly don't see it right now, but you are. ShinRa's going downhill fast, and you got out before it happened. You can find a new job, start a new life—things are only gonna get better for you. Don't waste time on me. I know it's not easy, but you need to take a leap here. Just go with it."

"It's not that easy. I'm not like you."

"It is that easy, and you don't hafta be like me for it to happen. Things will work out for you."

"How can you be so sure?" Luxiere pressed.

"Because I know you. You're gonna go kick ass wherever you work, and you're gonna catch someone's eye. Someone good for you, who doesn't drive you nuts on a daily basis. And who knows? Maybe in a few years you'll be married and happy, and we'll run into each other in some coffee shop. Then we can catch up," Zack said, smiling a bit at the thought. "You can tell me all about your new job, and your perfect husband, and how good things are. I can tell you all about what's going on with me, and whatever crazy shit me and Cloud are getting up to. Then we can really be happy for each other before going our separate ways again."

Luxiere shook his head, but his smile was nothing but fond. "You always did live in a dream world."

"Yeah, and you know what? My dreams came true. Take some chances and yours can too." Zack hopped to his feet then, staring down at his ex-boyfriend with nothing but sincerity. "I hope things work out for you, Lux. I really do."

"You're leaving already?"

"I've got plans. Sparring night with Cloud."

"Right…"

Zack didn't miss the way he rolled his eyes. "If you ever try messing with his head again, we're gonna have a serious problem. There won't be a friendly chat with well wishes."

"I didn't do anything to him."

"No, you didn't. Our relationship is solid." He stared at his ex for another minute before he was confident the message had gotten across. No amount of meddling would change anything. "Good luck with things."

Luxiere didn't respond at all, but it didn't matter. Zack still walked out feeling lighter than he had before he walked in. Maybe he did need some closure after all. It felt right, apologizing for how their relationship ended. It wasn't something he thought about often, but when it came up, he couldn't help feeling a little guilty.

Sure, they were both at fault, but he could've ended it well before things got so bad. Before his friendship with Cloud became the most important relationship in his life. Now he could really put it all behind him. He'd said his piece, wished the man well, and was eager to keep moving forward.

He pulled out his phone with a smile as he moved, dialing Cloud without hesitation. "Hey, babe," he said before his boyfriend could get a word in. "I'm on my way."

xxxxx

Generally speaking, Zack didn't have much to sulk about. Things were going great at work, he was in line for _another_ promotion, things with Cloud were amazing, their one year anniversary was right around the corner—he'd even come up with the perfect plan to celebrate.

What he hadn't expected was for Cloud to up and decide he wanted to move. It didn't actually alter any of his plans, or change how good things were going, but…His boyfriend wanted to move, and not down the hall. He wanted out of the building entirely—to get a house maybe, since he was in a good financial place to do that.

"I've been thinking about it for a while," the blond explained, frowning a little when Zack didn't respond to his original statement.

"How long's a while?"

Cloud shifted where he stood, clearly uncomfortable. "Um. It might've crossed my mind when you first moved out."

"That was…wow. That was a long time ago," Zack said, arching a brow. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I was thinking about what you said back then—needing your own space and all that. And then I thought about how the apartment and almost everything in it was Angeal's."

"Okay?"

"So I thought maybe I could get my own place. Something that was _mine_ instead of given to me. But then we got together, and I didn't want to up and leave." Cloud paused there, and Zack could feel the way he was being studied closely. "Are you mad?"

"Nah, just kinda bummed, to be honest. If I'd known you felt that way, I woulda helped you find a place ages ago," he admitted, because no matter how much he enjoyed having Cloud right across the hall, he could see this was important.

"Well, I got new furniture and stuff. It kinda tided me over."

"Why now then?"

"No real reason. We've just been together a while, and things feel really good, so I thought…why not? We can handle it. My job's not in walking distance anymore, so I'm riding in either way."

Zack swallowed hard, but nodded along. "Yeah," he agreed. No doubt they _could_ handle it. That didn't stop him from pouting a little. "I'm gonna miss having you right there."

"You can have a key," Cloud promised easily. "Or we can do this together if you want."

"Move in together?"

"If you want. I don't really…I don't know what the normal time frame is on this stuff. We took everything so slow in the beginning, but it feels like we're all in again now," Cloud said, looking down at the floor intently.

Zack reached out, a gentle hand on the blond's chin to tilt his head back up. "We definitely are."

"Yeah. Good," he mumbled, returning the small smile Zack shot him. "Does that mean…?"

"Uh. It depends," Zack shrugged, mulling it over instead of giving an impulsive _yes_ like he wanted. "I mean, you just said you wanted to do this so you'd have your own place. If that's something you need to do—"

"That was what I was thinking like a year ago. Not now."

"What're you thinking now?

"That you basically live at my place again, and we've outgrown it. And our landlord doesn't allow pets."

"You wanna get a pet with me?" Zack asked, beaming at him when he nodded indulgently. The truth was, _Zack_ wanted a pet, and he'd made no secret of that fact in recent months. "I think you just sold me on this plan. Let's do this!"

Cloud shot Zack a quizzical look, like _he_ wasn't so sure anymore. "Um…"

"Yeah?"

"You're not just doing this so we can get a dog, right? Because I can get the place alone still, and you can just come over whenever you want if you think it's too soon."

"Nah, I think you're right. We've got our priorities straight. I know how to be with you and still take time for myself—still do all the things I wanna do," Zack told him firmly. "As long as you agree, I don't care if we're going too fast or slow with this. It's always been what works for us, right?"

"Right," Cloud nodded. "Seph already kinda helped me set up some showings with a realtor for tomorrow, but I can reschedule if you're busy."

Zack thought over his schedule, nothing special coming to mind. "What time?"

"Between nine and eleven."

"Nine, huh? Guess I'll hafta stay over tonight to make sure you're up and ready in time," Zack teased, winking when he caught Cloud's eye.

"I've been waking up early for ages now!"

"And you hate it. You'd hit snooze six times before rolling outta bed if you didn't have me."

Cloud huffed. "Don't act like you weren't already planning to stay tonight anyway."

"Don't act like you weren't gonna ask me to."

Neither denied either statement, instead just smirking at each other knowingly. Soon no one would have to plan to stay, or ask to stay. They were going to do this. They were going to get a place together, and it was going to be awesome. It probably helped that they'd already lived together once, and spent plenty of nights together now. No doubt it'd be another seamless transition in their relationship. A particularly exciting one this time, and not just because of the potential pet they'd be getting.

"We can't move next weekend," Zack realized, crossing his arms. "We've got plans."

"It's not an instantaneous thing. We don't even know if we'll see a place we like." Cloud opened his mouth like he wanted to elaborate, but closed it with a frown a moment later. "What plans?"

"Uh, I already told you!"

"No, you told me you wanted to hang out all weekend," he corrected, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "What're we doing?"

"You know what next weekend is, right?"

Suspicion gave way to amusement as Cloud eyed him. "I know what next _Friday_ is. Last I checked, an anniversary was a one day thing."

"Yeah, well, we're making a weekend of ours! I've got the whole thing figured out already."

"What if I wanted to surprise _you?"_ Cloud asked pointedly.

"Oh," Zack breathed, hand on the back of his neck as a wave of guilt hit him. "Did you? I shouldn't have assumed like that. We can—"

"I'm just kidding," he cut in, laughing at bit at the exasperated look Zack sent him. "I mean, I got you something, but I knew something was up when you said we were hanging out."

"Well, what I have planned is for both of us anyway—not just you. You're gonna love it," Zack guaranteed.

He could tell by the twinkle in Cloud's eyes that the blond already had a good guess as to what they were doing, but that didn't bother Zack. They'd still manage to have fun, and _maybe_ they'd have a new home to think about moving into when they got back. How could it get any better than that?

xxxxx

Aside from the rain, Zack was right—Cloud loved it.

A camping outing was exactly what they needed. Time away from the city doing something they both enjoyed for the first time in far too long. It was a breath of fresh air, literally.

He'd never get sick of listening to Cloud explain the Nibel way of knowing which plants were safe to eat, or showing Cloud the Gongagan method for putting together a fire. The accompanying stories and memories were always priceless, too. They were making do a bit differently this time since the weather sucked, but it only changed so much. Rainstorms in Gongaga were a lot worse, and Cloud could successfully rough it during a _blizzard._

So, yeah. No big deal—they just had different, weather related stories to share. And they were stuck in a tent this time instead of directly under the sun and the stars. The important thing was, it was dry and cozy—they'd managed to get it up before the downpour, and already had their first meal spread out between them. One Zack had brought with them when they left the city.

"I still can't believe you didn't check the weather," Cloud complained, looking far more pleased than his words indicated.

"Who says I didn't?"

"You knew the weather was bad, and you still thought this was a good idea?"

Zack smirked knowingly. "Was I wrong?" The look Cloud gave him was answer enough. "Exactly. We're backwater experts—a little rain can't stop us."

"Now I can't tell you about Odin though," Cloud said, _tsking._ He found himself pouting a bit because that really was a bummer. Every time they did this, he got to hear one or two Nibel tales about the constellations. Odin was supposed to be the next one, and apparently it was Cloud's favorite. "Maybe next time."

"It might clear up tomorrow," Zack responded, doubting it but hoping all the same. "At least my picnic plans weren't completely ruined."

Cloud smiled at that, then really looked at the meal Zack had brought along for their first day here. "Is this…"

"Yeah," he answered, lighting up when he saw how damn _touched_ Cloud looked. "Same as our first date. It was s'posed to be under a tree with a lantern and all that, but…y'know."

"It's perfect," Cloud said, his brows furrowed like he was still thinking.

A good sign. That meant he was getting it—getting what this trip was really about. As much as they both liked camping, it was special to them for a reason. Special enough that he didn't really give a damn if they got rained into a tent for all or most of the weekend.

"The first time we did this was on our first friendship anniversary."

Zack grinned. "Yep. Anything else?"

"And you were wearing that outfit the first night we met. I noticed _that_ before we left."

Very observant. He was figuring it all out much faster than Zack had anticipated, so he reached for his bag and rummaged through until he pulled out a single bottle of beer, opened it, and handed it to Cloud.

"That's what you were drinking that night," Zack explained, answering the unspoken question in Cloud's eyes. "Your sleeping bag's the first real gift I got you—the first thing we slept together in. And there's plenty more where that came from! I've got loads of little surprises in my bag."

"Zack…" Cloud blinked, looking more and more perturbed by the second. Not exactly the reaction Zack had been going for. "Now I feel bad all I got you was a stupid sword."

"Hey! You got me _the_ sword. Buster's perfect."

It really was. Just the size and weight he'd been looking for. Apparently Angeal of all people had a family connection—Cloud had been working with him for weeks to get the sword to the city in time. He'd really wanted to test it out right away, but it wasn't like he could sling it on his back and bring it with him. Instead they'd made plans to spar the day after they returned, and he was _definitely_ looking forward to that.

"Seriously, I love it," Zack reassured his boyfriend. "And it goes with the theme here. Sword fighting was the first thing we really did together."

"That's true, but…"

"But what?" Zack asked, nodding encouragingly when Cloud hesitated.

"A lot of those things were before we were really together," he responded, looking adorably confused. "Don't get me wrong, this is great. I've just never done the whole anniversary thing before."

"Uh, we've had multiple friendship anniversaries."

Cloud fixed him with a look. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Zack said, sure that he did. He smiled a bit until his boyfriend's face softened. "If it makes you feel better, I've never had an anniversary like this either. You and me, I dunno what it is. I wanna celebrate _everything,_ not just this last year. I was gonna wait and give you this after everything else, but…"

He reached into his bag again, pulling out a neatly wrapped gift and offering it to Cloud. It only took a moment for Cloud to set his drink down and open it, studying what was inside. A scrapbook. His heart was pounding anxiously as Cloud opened it, unsure exactly what his reaction would be.

Somewhere in his head he knew Cloud was going to love it, but there was a small part of him that wondered if he should've gone a more traditional route. With Luxiere, he normally got things like watches or gil clips, but that felt all wrong for Cloud. His friends had agreed wholeheartedly, but their ideas hadn't been much better. Custom earrings, Genesis insisted. Something for his bike, Sephiroth suggested. Angeal told him to keep it simple—a nice meal, and maybe have a tree planted in his name.

And, okay. None of those clicked, so maybe he'd gone a little overboard with his own idea. It was exciting though, and unlike anything he'd ever done for anyone. It went right along with all the stuff in his bag—all his plans to look back on all their firsts and their fondest moments.

"This…" Cloud was still flipping through the pages, a flurry of emotions on his face. "How did you…?"

Pictures they'd exchanged during Cloud's trip overseas. Candid photos their friends had taken of the two over the years. Brochures from the seminars and rallies they'd attended together. Official pictures from when they moved up a rank at Masamune. Anything and everything Zack could get ahold of from the time they'd known each other—even things that they weren't _both_ involved in. Important memories, like a clipping of Cloud's first published article and a few of his major pieces. There was even a photo of that epic billboard which was sadly no longer plastered all around Midgar.

"It took a lot of work," Zack admitted, feeling almost unnaturally sheepish when Cloud looked back up at him. "I had to hound everyone—Tifa, the guys. Jess. I think I owe them all at least a dozen favors now."

"I had no idea you were so…"

"Mushy? Me neither. It just happened."

Cloud snorted. "I mean, I knew you could be mushy sometimes, but _this?_ It's really…wow," he tried to explain. Zack was endeared as usual, loving the way Cloud got so flustered when he couldn't seem to get his words out. "Just, wow."

"So you like it?"

"Yeah, I do," he answered, much more easily this time. He was still flipping through the pages, laughing at some of the images, rolling his eyes at others. They definitely had a broad variety of experiences together. "We're such dorks!"

That was a massive understatement, but Zack didn't say a word. He just kept watching, his happiness rising exponentially every time Cloud smiled or laughed or commented on any of their memories. There were so many. They were _so good_ for each other, it was almost crazy to think about.

And the scrapbook was only half full.

He waited as patiently as he could for Cloud to reach the end, knowing exactly what was pinned to that last filled page. Zack's real gift to Cloud, and one he really hoped wasn't too much on top of all the overly sentimental stuff.

The thing was, when it came to how he felt about Cloud, he couldn't always find the right words either. _I love you_ didn't really cover it, and he'd always been more of a show than a tell kind of guy. Normally he stuck to small gestures, but this was a big occasion—their first real anniversary as a couple, Cloud's first anniversary with _anyone._ It was important to get it right.

Cloud finally got to that page, eyes flickering up to meet Zack's. "What is this?"

"You tell me," Zack responded, already grinning.

He looked so confused for a moment, and then so _awed._ "Is this real?"

"Duh. Wouldn't be much fun if it wasn't."

"This is travel information. You got us boat tickets?"

"Yep! We're takin' a trip! I figured we won't have six months like you did, but we should be able to have some fun for a week or two, right?" Zack ventured, more than a little hopeful as Cloud met his startled gaze. "I was thinking maybe we could go every year—knock one or two places off the list. I wanna redo your whole trip, but together! See everything you saw, maybe even a few places you didn't."

"It'll take _years_ if we only hit one or two places a trip."

Zack nodded his head confidently. That was the point. "Yeah, it will. And that's just one continent."

"You really are something else." Cloud paused, still very clearly overwhelmed. "When are we…?"

"I mighta already asked your big boss when you'd be able to get some time off."

"Seph?" he clarified, Zack nodding in return. "He's not really my boss. He just puts his money behind the network."

"Same thing, isn't it? Just 'cause he's got other things going on doesn't mean your actual boss can ignore him when he suggests something."

"Yeah. I just…"

Zack scooted in closer, hand falling to Cloud's thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You just what?" There was no answer. "Do you not wanna go yet? 'Cause it's cool if you're busy with work stuff. They're open tickets, so we can put it off as long as you want."

"No, I wanna go!" Cloud insisted, almost fiercely.

"Then what is it?"

They stared at each other in silence, the fleeting nerves Zack felt fading away when Cloud surged forward and pressed their lips together. Zack laughed right into it, getting the message loud and clear as he practically pulled the blond into his lap.

Cloud pulled back a moment later, a soft gleam in his eyes. "I just can't decide where we should go first."

xxxxx

A month later, they were on a boat headed for Costa Del Sol.


End file.
